WHO Poll
Q: 2019/20 With seven games to go will West Ham stay up
a. Our demise was sealed when the idiots on the Board appointed Moyes, we're down
25%
  
b. Despite the efforts of Moyes and the players, we will stay up by the smallest of margins
50%
  
c. I'm beyond caring & couldn't give two hoots either way
25%
  



Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
Usual rules apply

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

joyo 10:33 Fri Aug 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I've found an app that tracks illegal immigrants..... UBER

Aalborg Hammer 10:24 Wed Aug 5
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A bloke and his wife were reading the evening paper.
She said there is an advert here for a pedigree Alsatian dog £50,
He said it must be a misprint they are 10 times that much.
But he called and the woman who answered said that the price was correct so he went to have a look at the dog

The dog was sitting by the fire and he was a beauty
“Only £50 are you sure he is a pedigree” the man said
“Oh! Yes” said the woman “why don’t you ask him, he is such a high class pedigree he speaks English all the time and a few words of French”

The dog looked at the man and said
“Why don’t you clear off and leave me alone, I get 2 hours by this fire every day and I don’t want some bloke bothering me while I am sitting here.
I heard you ask if I was a pedigree, well my Dad was top show dog for 3 years running, my Mom was a Super bitch 4 years running. I have three sisters and two brothers we have won that many trophies our owners had to have a house extension to put them in.
I was taken into the drug squad when I was 3 years old and found over,£1,000,000 of Heroin and Cannabis in just 12 months, later I was working for the bomb squad and found two bombs, Finally as a rescue dog I saved lives all over the world and now I am retired with a pension”

“Wow” said the man “why do you want to get rid of this dog”

“Because he’s Bloody liar,” said the woman

ted fenton 2:03 Sat Aug 1
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I went to the beach and it was packed. Then I noticed a tall black guy walking among the crowds, selling his African trinkets and carved wood.

I went up to him and asked for his help. "My wife's here somewhere. If you find her I'll give you £500. Just shout loud for her while you walk."

"£500? Okay, what is her name?" he asked.

"It's Ivy", I replied. "Ivy Bowler".

Picked a spot all to myself after that.

The Stoat 9:59 Tue Jul 28
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I just met a Chinese drug addict.

He said have you seen my cocaine?

I said not since he starred in Zulu

Briano 10:25 Fri Jul 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
The CEO of Dulux was found dead on a ski resort mountain yesterday

Swiss police said he could have done with another coat

Aalborg Hammer 12:46 Thu Jul 23
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
After proposing to his girlfriend at the weekend, Paddy drove to Brighton for a night of passion.
As he pulled up at a red light, he slid his hand under her skirt above her stockings.
She whispered in his ear, "Now we are engaged, you can go further."
So Paddy drove on to Bournemouth

The Stoat 11:09 Thu Jul 23
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I can't believe I just spent £300 on hiring a limousine and found out the fee does not include the driver! All that money and nothing to chauffeur it

Aalborg Hammer 5:53 Tue Jul 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I went out with a girl called Lyndsey Doyle, she used to smell like a cricket bat

Slow_Joe 3:38 Mon Jul 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
What do you call a bullet proof Irishman?




Rick O'shea

Aalborg Hammer 3:03 Mon Jul 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
It's the Lions versus the Wallabies today and I think I know what the result will be.

I'll get sacked from Longleat Safari Park.

ted fenton 4:51 Sun Jul 19
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Marcus Coutain's lawyer, Tim Rustem, said his arrest by police and knee hold "mirrored almost identically what happened to George Floyd".

Actually it is identical. Nigger out committing crime gets caught by the police.

Aalborg Hammer 8:26 Mon Jul 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
On TV the other night: 'The man with the 10 stone testicles.'
Not sure if it's about a rare medical condition or about Jedward's dad.

Manip 11:21 Thu Jul 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Aalborg Hammer. Quality. swt.

Coffee 11:05 Thu Jul 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
*THEY are so bad, they're good.

Coffee 11:04 Thu Jul 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Bloody hell.

That's so bad.

It's good.

Aalborg Hammer 11:03 Thu Jul 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
My wife is so pessimistic. If there were an Olympics of pessimism, she wouldn't fancy her chances.

Aalborg Hammer 11:02 Thu Jul 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Every time I leave my house I am followed by a bird with long legs

I think I am being Storked

Aalborg Hammer 2:09 Fri Jul 3
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
What do you called an Aardvark that gets beaten up all the time?
A Vark

Aalborg Hammer 2:06 Thu Jul 2
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Why in Game Of Thrones do the Lannisters have such big beds? Because they push two twins together to make a king.

The Stoat 10:56 Thu Jul 2
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Two English tourists were driving through Wales
At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”
The girl leaned over and said:
“Burrr… gurrr… King.”

Aalborg Hammer 2:54 Mon Jun 29
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
*doffs cap at The Stoat* Very good Sir!!

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