WHO Poll
Q: 2022 Summer Transfer Window - How many 1st team players will we sign before August 6th
a. None as Sullivan will wait until the last week before he gets his scattergun out the cupboard
27%
  
b. A couple of freebies paraded as superstars, usual hype to follow
26%
  
c. I'm more optimistic as surely they know we need to strengthen, 3-4 with decent money spent.
44%
  
d. Who gives a toss as we have a great squad already, I've already ordered the new replica kit, socks and all and can't wait to wear it at our first game, down the pub of course, I bleed claret & blue
3%
  



Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
Usual rules apply

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

Aalborg Hammer 12:51 Fri Jun 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Chromosomes: the third gender --
XX = Female
XY = Male
YI = Geordie

ted fenton 11:12 Wed Jun 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
:-)

wd40 11:02 Wed Jun 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Forgot about that one ted thanks
I'll use it at work today.

eswing hammer 8:48 Tue Jun 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
*Aalborg*

Aalborg Hammer 6:16 Tue Jun 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Been up town drinking, now its late, missed the last bus, no taxi available, no way home
No problem. Go to nearest Indian take away, order a meal for delivery to your house and jump in with the driver

ted fenton 12:10 Tue Jun 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Absolutely disgusting behaviour on Clacton beach about an hour ago !!!!
I saw a man & a woman having an almighty argument in front of some young kids when suddenly she smacked the bloke on the head & it all kicked off. There was a massive brawl & someone called the police. This poor copper turned up on his own & took his baton to the bloke, the guy managed to snatch it off him & started whacking the copper AND his wife. I couldn't believe what l was seeing. Then out of nowhere a crocodile crept up & stole all the sausages!



One of the better Golden Oldies ;-)

With Kind Regards 1:05 Fri Jun 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I was just behind Adam Ant in the queue for ice cream. He got a standard vanilla…

boleyn8420 8:39 Wed Jun 15
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
At Ascot today I was going to have £5 EW on the Dalai Llama
If only I was a Tibetan man

Aalborg Hammer 1:10 Wed Jun 15
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Are you sweating while putting petrol in your car??
Feeling sick while paying for it ?
You've got the Car Owner virus !

MrTrentReznor 2:52 Mon Jun 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
ted fenton 1:57 Mon Jun 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

The author ties his shoe laces with his cock hanging out?

ted fenton 1:57 Mon Jun 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"I have outlived my
pecker."
The Penis Poem -- by Willie Nelson
My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job,
To find the f***in' thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!

ted fenton 1:53 Sun Jun 12
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
SEX AFTER DEATH!!!
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.
After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear me?"
"Is that you, Frank?"
"Yes, I've come back as we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it's back to the golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."
"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"
"No -- I'm a fucking rabbit somewhere in Scotland"

Helmut Shown 12:10 Fri Jun 10
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A bloke goes to a prostitute and asks what can he get for twenty quid. The prostitute tells him he can do cunnilingus on her.
He gets down to it but stops as there is something in his mouth. He spits it out to see a pea. He resumes plating the prostitute but stops again and spits out a bit of carrot.
He says to the prostitute “what’s going on here”
She replies “oh it’s alright the last bloke to do that threw up”

Dowies Love Child 6:08 Sat Jun 4
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A friend of mine always used to tell me that the first rule of the theatre was to always leave them wanting more.

Lovely bloke, terrible anesthetist.

Aalborg Hammer 7:26 Fri Jun 3
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I watched my son walk back to the pavilion.

"Well done son" I said "you'll play for England one day".

"Dad" he replied "I was bowled out for a duck, twice".

"I know son, I know " I answered.

Sir Alf 1:05 Fri Jun 3
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Aalborg Hammer 7:04 Fri May 20

Clever , ag ! :-)

Matthew Holmes 11:54 Fri Jun 3
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Lester Piggott's funeral is on Wednesday – starting at twenty to one.

Aalborg Hammer 7:04 Fri May 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Imagine the fallout if Cher married Mark Noble.

Willtell 5:19 Fri May 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.

He decides, because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty stewardess.

Because her jacket is folded neatly beside her he can’t see any logos so he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto : 'To Fly. To Serve'.

The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.

He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: 'Winning the hearts of the world'.

Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred, he tries a third time, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: 'Going beyond expectations'.

The woman looks at him sternly and says:

'What the fuck do you want?'

'Ah ha!' he says,

"Ryanair".

ted fenton 2:56 Fri May 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A Sure Cure For Sea Sickness Is To Sit Under A Tree.



Spike Milligan.

Alfs 2:03 Thu May 19
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
"My wife hasn't spoken to me for three weeks".

"Why's that?"

"I don't like to interrupt her".

Rodney Dangerfield

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