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Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
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joe royal 11:43 Wed Feb 26
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
MY MORNING STROLL.

This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for my stroll around my local Marina.

I noticed a character shouting

"Allah be praised!" and "Death to all Infidels!", when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water.

He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying.

If he didn't get help he would surely drown!

Being a responsible citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you help those in distress,

I informed the Police, the Coast Guard and even Fire and Rescue!

It is now 11:00 AM, the terrorist has drowned, and none of the authorities have responded.

I'm starting to think I just wasted three STAMPS.

Hello Mrs. Jones 9:25 Sat Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Man with Corona virus desperately seeking woman with Lyme disease

The Stoat 4:11 Fri Feb 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Surgeons have said that a man who was shot by his wife over 300 times using an upholstery staple gun is now fully recovered

joyo 5:14 Thu Feb 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
What's the difference between Tyson Fury and a Muslim?
Fury can take a shot to the head.

lab 8:05 Tue Feb 18
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A long life supporter of West Ham has said if he wins the euro millions lottery he may try and purchase the club. However his wife has said she has other plans should he get four numbers.

Swiss. 2:56 Tue Feb 18
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
eswing

Yeah I heard he was ill but I thought he's stick it out longer

joyo 10:39 Tue Feb 18
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Did Flack kill herself softly with a song?

eswing hammer 12:03 Tue Feb 18
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
We’ve lost another one , the bloke who invented Velcro has died ...RIP

joyo 6:58 Mon Feb 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy!

joyo 6:58 Mon Feb 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy!

joyo 4:14 Mon Feb 17
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Who can drink 5 litres of petrol and not get sick?
Jerry Can

lab 9:41 Sun Feb 16
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Christ I can’t believe the service of Amazon.
I ordered a trampoline yesterday afternoon and it was in my back garden this morning.

Willtell 12:50 Fri Feb 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Earlier this morning my wife texted me: "Some of the girls in the office have had flowers delivered, they're really beautiful"

I replied: "That'll be why they got flowers then."

icwhs 11:44 Thu Feb 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I gave my wife a massive orgasm last night.



It’s a shame she spat it out.

Aalborg Hammer 12:23 Thu Feb 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
So this lizard is walking along the riverbank and he smells the sweet smell of a spliff…he looks up a tree and there’s a baboon smoking a big fat joint.
The baboon invites him up to join him. After a while the lizard gets cotton mouth and says “I’m off to the river for a drink”
A crocodile swims up and asks the lizard what he’s doing.
The lizard explains about the baboon and the excellent Lebanese black that he’d just smoked.
“A baboon with a spliff? This I have to see!!”
The crocodile gets to the bottom of the tree and the baboon looks down at him.
“Mannnnnnnnn!! How much water did you drink!!??”

Aalborg Hammer 12:23 Thu Feb 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
So this lizard is walking along the riverbank and he smells the sweet smell of a spliff…he looks up a tree and there’s a baboon smoking a big fat joint.
The baboon invites him up to join him. After a while the lizard gets cotton mouth and says “I’m off to the river for a drink”
A crocodile swims up and asks the lizard what he’s doing.
The lizard explains about the baboon and the excellent Lebanese black that he’d just smoked.
“A baboon with a spliff? This I have to see!!”
The crocodile gets to the bottom of the tree and the baboon looks down at him.
“Mannnnnnnnn!! How much water did you drink!!??”

eswing hammer 8:02 Sun Feb 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
My windscreen was all iced up this morning and l couldn’t find the icescraper so l used my B&Q trade credit card ,it was hard work but l managed to get 20% off .

penners28 4:08 Sun Feb 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Apparently Schofield was about to be outed as a west ham fan, so thought it would be less embarrassing to just say he was gay....

Dandy Lyon 9:51 Sat Feb 8
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Phillip Schofield is leaving ITV. He prefers BBC

Mirkwood 9:33 Sat Feb 8
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings'. Apparently Gollum was once a normal man. But wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in his life. Must be the same ring I put on when I got married.

lab 2:57 Sat Feb 8
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Holly Willoughby :whenever I bent down to pick up a pen,he never ever said ...while yer down there luv, ..it all makes sense now.

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