WHO Poll
Q: 2021/22 What competition should we prioritise this season?
a. The league is our bread & butter, so this year let's have a club sandwich
27%
  
b. We're owed an FA Cup after Gerrard nicked our last one in 06, our name's on it in 22
10%
  
c. A bye to the League Cup 3rd round gives us a good start, let's make it count
6%
  
d. The Europa is our best ticket to the Champions League, this is the one
35%
  
e. What's wrong with you, let's do the lot, has the quadruple ever been done
22%
  



Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
Usual rules apply

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

Kandu 2:34 Mon Oct 25
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Man Utd 0 Liverpool 5

It was so bad that even fans in the disabled section walked out

Aalborg Hammer 12:56 Mon Oct 25
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
After a lot of careful thought my wife and I have decided that we don't want children.

They are going to be very upset when we tell them.

ted fenton 6:02 Thu Oct 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I'm having some problems with my new Staffordshire Bull Terrier- I rang the vet for some advice. I explained he was brown, stupid, aggressive and liable to attack anyone for no good reason. The vet replied " Muzzle 'im? " No, I said- I think he's an atheist.

ted fenton 3:32 Tue Oct 19
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Just thought I'd nip over to my Nan's, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch.
She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer...I'll pop back next year.

Noah 6:37 Mon Oct 18
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Aalborg Hammer 8:11 Thu Oct 14
🤣
Took me a minute.

ted fenton 12:55 Fri Oct 15
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Nurse Ratched 11:47 Fri Oct 15

X

Kaiser Zoso 11:55 Fri Oct 15
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
penners obviously didn't use his LOAF

Nurse Ratched 11:47 Fri Oct 15
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Penners, allow me...

His car cost $50,000

She has had an accident in his car and the car is all mangled/crumpled up.

She is trying to soften the blow of the bad news by 'being all seductive'

penners28 11:44 Fri Oct 15
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
ted fenton 3:40 Thu Oct 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)

Ive read this joke about 20 times, and still dont get it. Can someone explain if poss

apologies...

The Stoat 11:41 Fri Oct 15
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go fishing ."

WHU(Exeter) 8:20 Thu Oct 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Penners, that's an idea I'd like a slice of

Aalborg Hammer 8:11 Thu Oct 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Q. How do you tell the sex of an ant?

A. Drop it in water.

If it sinks - girl ant.

ted fenton 1:38 Thu Oct 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
His Lordship was in the study at Downton Abbey when the butler
approached and coughed discreetly.
"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"
"Go ahead, Carson ," said His Lordship.
"I am doing the crossword in The Times and I have found a word I am
not too clear on."
"What word is that?" asked His Lordship.
"Aplomb," My Lord.
"Now that's a difficult one to explain. I would say it is
self-assurance or complete composure."
"Thank you, My Lord, but I'm still a little confused."
"Let me give you an example to make it clearer. Do you remember a
few months ago when the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge arrived to spend
a weekend with us?"
"I remember the occasion very well, My Lord. It gave the staff and
myself much pleasure to look after them."
"Also," continued the Earl of Grantham, "do you remember when Wills
plucked a rose for Kate in the rose garden?"
"I was present on that occasion, My Lord, ministering to their needs."
"While plucking the rose, a thorn embedded itself in his thumb very deeply."
"I witnessed the incident, My Lord, and saw the Duchess herself
remove the thorn and bandage his thumb with her own dainty
handkerchief."
"That evening the prick on his thumb was so sore. Kate had to cut up
his venison from our own estate, even though it was extremely tender."
"Yes, My Lord, I did see everything that transpired that evening."
"The next morning while you were pouring coffee for Her Ladyship,
Kate inquired of Wills with a loud voice, 'Darling, does your prick
still throb?' And you, Carson, did not spill one drop of coffee! THAT
is aplomb."

penners28 11:14 Wed Oct 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Ive decided that next week im going to dress as a different piece of bread each day

Roll on monday!

Aalborg Hammer 9:06 Mon Oct 11
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
JK Rowling talking about 20 years of Harry Potter.
I don't think anyone has milked a small wizard this much since Debbie Magee

Aalborg Hammer 11:45 Sat Oct 9
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
The wife says we need to chat about my childish behaviour.
As if that's going to happen during conker season

ted fenton 9:47 Thu Oct 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
A flying insect just flew into my kitchen and exploded.
I think it was a Jihaddy long legs.

riosleftsock 9:45 Thu Oct 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Ted - ignore the twonk. Keep em coming, they normally make me laugh.

Exiled In Surrey 9:44 Thu Oct 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
I'm selling my dogging kit on ebay.

I've got 24 watching.

lab 9:42 Thu Oct 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Just when I thought Vexed and Swiss were the most horrible *unts on here . Crack on Ted.

Dandy Lyon 9:22 Thu Oct 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Can’t you find a funnier website to cut and paste your jokes from. Seriously unfunny.

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