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jfk 2:56 Sun Apr 8
Flat packed goods
Mrs jfk in her wisdom and through being brainwashed with the current trend of grow your own has purchased a four hundred quid self assembly greenhouse.
Me and my eldest who are both in the building game have spent all day tizzing about attempting to assemble a 2000 mm x 4000 mm aluminium frame via a dictionary thick load of instructions that simply don't work.I'd say we are probably over the worst,we have both almost come to blows with each other in between calling various ill fitting lengths of aluminium,nuts and bolts cunts.This is all before attempting to "simply" slide layers of Perspex type sheets in place.
Worst Saturday (non West Ham losing)
we've had in years.The fucking stuff she reckons she's gonna grow in the thing better taste the bollocks or else.

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

Mart O 11:26 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
Any Old Iron 10:17 Sun Apr 8

Cheers...that actually made me laugh out loud...

Any Old Iron 10:17 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods

13 Brentford Rd 2:19 Sun Apr 8

You don't have an allotment in your own garden you half-wit. What you have is a fruit and vegetable plot.

Mirkwood 7:02 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
I feel for you.
We are mulling over getting a flat pack wardrobe.
Can't face trying to get an assembled one up the stairs. My track record on flat packs is bad. Divorce looms and best case scenario is you have a wardrobe that can never be moved.

Westham67 2:27 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
I'm the building Railway game and I use mm as well rather than CM of M

You must work to tight tolerances

13 Brentford Rd 2:19 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
We have an allotment in our garden now. Spent all last week creating one. Lots of fucking shoveling the pebbles that were there into rubble sacks, digging, turning over, raking, levelling, planting and shoveling a TON of top soil and manure on it.
We now have about 50 rubble sacks in our front garden and I am fucked and back to work tomorrow.

Gavros 2:03 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
This grow your own thing is a load of bollocks.

Unless you have an allotment.

13 Brentford Rd 1:58 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
No Branded, the ckear plastic cover decayed quickly and became full if holes and the zip and tie ropes for the door broke, leaving just the frame intact which is the bit I assembled.
We grow a lot a lot for fruit and veg and make do without a greenhouse now. Q

The Kronic 1:57 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
Make her build it then, you fucking doormat.
HTH

neilalex 1:19 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
Aluminium you say? Fairly straightforward to weld together.Presumably thin so relatively low amp tig welding.

BRANDED 1:18 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
So. It didnt fall apart because you looked at the pictures then?

13 Brentford Rd 1:02 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
We got one of these 2 years ago. Took me hours to assemble, found the best way is to look at the pics to see how it should look rather than the instructions.
2 years later the thing fell apart as it was so cheap and we now have a shed.
Still growing our own though. Missus wants a chicken coup now.

BRANDED 12:36 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
Absolute shite materials in these things. You pay for what you get.

Coffee 12:31 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
What's the moral of this story? Is it to do with salad or women?

pulhampete 12:25 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
My ex decided to buy one off eBay, second hand. It was only 50 quid and a couple of miles down the road.
Turn up to collect it only to discover it was still fully assembled, glazing and all...took an entire day to take the bastard apart, 4 trips in the car to get it home and two days to re-assemble (from memory as it had no instructions).

One of the many reasons she is now my ex.
Unless you're going to grow copious amounts of weed in it, it really isn't worth the agro, buying salad is a lot cheaper than a divorce.

Bungo 12:05 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
I think one of the most useful lessons I ever learnt, was to instantly bin the tiny tools included, and go straight for the electric versions.

jfk 10:26 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
This morning is the first time in a couple of years my eldest (19) has been in touch with us.
I've just got back from walking the hound,The weather conditions in south west Essex are miserable but not cold,The conversation he's had with his mother amounts to us not having to finish off the pain of the greenhouse today.
We are both fucking delighted.
The morale of this yarn is don't fuck about attempting to "grow yer own" as a bit of greens and salad costs fuck all anyway and don't think anything made in China is anything other than shit.

Thanks Ted 10:10 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
Ha ha, and they somehow end up in your toolbox because they MIGHT come in handy another time ..

Hammer and Pickle 10:05 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
The pathetic little spanners they include make my NERVOUS.

Thanks Ted 10:03 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
Ikea serves a certain market and are bloody good at what they do. Flat pack drives the price down as you don’t pay for the Labour and transport costs are lower.
Alternatively pay the extra and get it pre-assembled, your choice really.

Hammer and Pickle 9:30 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
IKEA=CUNTS!

Bungo 9:06 Sun Apr 8
Re: Flat packed goods
I have found that many things of this type just don't fit together like they're supposed to.

If faced with a job like this, I now arm myself with all sorts of electric drills etc over and above what the instructions suggest, and just 'make' things fit together by any means.

I'll never forget assembling Mrs Bungo's last BBQ. I think I invented a whole new range of swearing that day...

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