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Coffee 9:34 Sat May 5
Saturday football
So the Premier League enters the final nine days of its season, and with the title decided all attention is now on the table’s nether regions. Today’s a massive day for the bottom six, which unfortunately includes us. If results go our way, we’ll be all but mathematically safe at the close of play. If they go against us, we’ll be in vastly deeper shit than we were this morning. So batten down the hatches and hope for the best. Here’s a reminder of how the bottom of the table looked this morning:

West Ham, P 35, Pts 35, GD -24, remaining games: Man U (H), Everton (H)
Huddersfield, P 35, Pts 35, GD -29, Man C (A), Chelsea (A), Arsenal (H)
Swansea, P 35, Pts 33, GD -25, Southampton (H), Stoke (H)
Southampton, P 35, Pts 32, GD -19, Swansea (A), Man C (H)
Stoke, P 36, Pts 30, GD -33, Swansea (A)
West Brom, P 36, Pts 28, GD -24, Palace (A)

What a corker to get the weekend’s proceedings under way, with plenty of blood, guts and gore on the menu. A must-win for Stoke, who visit Swansea in their next and final game. Under Paul Lambert, Stoke have upped their game, but are still without a win in their last dozen. Palace have virtually assured safety, but will (hopefully) look to cement their Premier League status today. Draw.

Another whopper, this with cheese and, from Swansea’s perspective, extra pickle. After the extraordinary lift that their new manager brought, the Swans have found life more difficult in recent weeks and have had real trouble scoring goals. Swansea need this, Bournemouth don’t. Home advantage should see the Cherries blossom in the spring sunshine, though, and professional pride should ensure a competitive encounter. Hard to pick a winner. Draw.

There’s talk of discontent in the Leicester camp. That has translated into poor recent form, which we must hope will show no sign of letting up today. The Foxes’ Roman Polanski lookalike manager is under pressure to perform, but can he get his players up for today? David Moyes is also feeling the heat, the more so after this week’s latest Andy Carroll nonsense. It’s down to Moyes to turn that feeling to his and the team’s advantage, as you can envisage Carroll playing an important role today. Leicester are there for the taking and we should be good enough to come away with a precious point at least. Draw.

Today’s only genuinely meaningless game. Draw.

The Baggies’ form under Darren Moore has been little short of sensational, but it’s all too late. Spurs are chasing third spot and will be in no mood to bestow a parting gift on their opponents. It’s been a near certainty for several weeks, but today’s the day that West Brom’s relegation will be confirmed. Away win.

The day’s fourth whopper sees the Saints, with renewed belief, heading to Everton in search of a point or more. Southampton are in the enviable position of being in control of their destiny. But they’re in the unenviable position of having to visit Swansea (Tuesday evening) and host Man City after today’s tricky fixture if they’re to survive. Everton have little to play for, holding off Leicester to guarantee eighth spot being their only remaining challenge. Expect Southampton to come out all guns blazing as they seek to pull off a great escape. Away win.

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

gph 1:04 Mon May 7
Re: Saturday football
Trailblazers, our board - even Vincent Kompany is going on about the NEXT LEVEL for Man C...

gph 12:58 Mon May 7
Re: Saturday football
Terrible how Huddersfield were totally outclassed by Man C, and conceded a hatful... Oh

gph 12:46 Mon May 7
Re: Saturday football
Disappointed at Salah's dive - maybe if he hadn't done that, he might have got his genuine penalty claim later.

Been impressed by his honesty up til now.

gph 12:14 Mon May 7
Re: Saturday football
It's "fucking two-faced bunch of pricks weekend" - watching Arsenal say goodbye to Arsene.

Coffee 6:20 Sun May 6
Re: Saturday football
, 10:04 Sat May 5

"Is this your worst performance to date this season?"

Far from it. Call me Lawro.

Sven Roeder 1:54 Sun May 6
Re: Saturday football
That Leicester lap of honour reminded me of ours after the last game of Allardyce at UP.
We lost to Everton and there were about 1,000 fans left in the ground when the players finally came out for a very quick spin around the pitch.

terry-h 1:43 Sun May 6
Re: Saturday football
Noble's legs may have gone but his technique is still good enough to score that great goal.
Leicester's lap of honour was hilarious don't you think.( fucking two faced bunch of pricks)

cholo 1:22 Sun May 6
Re: Saturday football
Another horrible, bitter cunt of a man is Jose Mourinho.

Sven Roeder 1:17 Sun May 6
Re: Saturday football
It was terrible clearance by Bertrand , would have been better off just booting it over the stand. As said at least it makes Swansea v Soton a big match. I quite like this relegation drama when we aren’t involved.

Was Livermore offside? Seemed to be on the line when the ball was played forward. I hope so.

FruityBoots. 1:01 Sun May 6
Re: Saturday football
What a horrible bitter cunt of a man Hughes is, blaming the ref for everything! How about Bertrand not booting that ball as far up in the stand as possible then that’s pretty much that, that was as bad as Antonio’s half hearted cross in injury time Vs Crystal Palace that lead to their equaliser.

gph 12:50 Sun May 6
Re: Saturday football
Arf @ Kane's near own goal.

Does he know that ogs don't count towards the Golden Boot?

I hope not.

Sydney_Iron 11:46 Sat May 5
Re: Saturday football
Swansea V Southampton during the week is looking like a corker to watch, a winner takes all game as i cant see Huddersfield getting another point, although a draw would suit maybe Swansea seeing as they have Stoke in there last game and Saints have Man City.

, 10:04 Sat May 5
Re: Saturday football
Coffee, well done for sticking your neck out each week and making predictions but this week you had six to choose from and got them all wrong.

Is this your worst performance to date this season?

Jaan Kenbrovin 9:29 Sat May 5
Re: Saturday football
It’s a shame Darren Moore only got so few games to save West Brom, his turn around of that club could has been superb. Will be interesting to see him with the full time role.

Sven Roeder 9:15 Sat May 5
Re: Saturday football
Maybe he just hates Mark Hughes.
Everyone else seems to.

Vexed 9:14 Sat May 5
Re: Saturday football
Alex V 9:10 Sat May 5

Only a fucking minge like you would be sickened by being mathematically safe from relegation. Fucking weirdo.

stepney hammer 9:11 Sat May 5
Re: Saturday football
Sven Roeder 9:08 Sat May 5

He weren't blowing up till Everton scored. Must be a Pompey fan.

Jaan Kenbrovin 9:10 Sat May 5
Re: Saturday football
LOL @ Southampton

Alex V 9:10 Sat May 5
Re: Saturday football
I've rarely seen a more sickening last-second goal than that.

Vexed 9:10 Sat May 5
Re: Saturday football
This does mean that we're stuck with fucking MOYES.

10thofMay 9:09 Sat May 5
Re: Saturday football
What a day!

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