WHO Poll
Q: 2020/2021 Where will we finish up this season?
a. Top Four, Champions League here we come
9%
  
b. 5th-7th Europa League is well within our grasp
10%
  
c. 8th to 14th anywhere in mid table is about right
31%
  
d. We're in a dog fight before a ball has been kicked and we'll do well to finish 17th or just above
24%
  
e. GSB have derailed our season before a ball has been kicked, the Championship beckons
26%
  



Peckham 12:30 Wed Mar 17
Death.
I am too gutted to go into detail now. If this thread dies and early death so be.

2 Wednesdays ago my Dear Mum died. It sunk in last night. I cried, bigtime, like a pussy. Uncontrollable tears.

Trust me, I have never been a Mothers boy. It took WHO fund to visit family home in years. I admitted here to all I was a cunt of a son.

I know you lot are tough nuts, and maybe I am worth taking the piss out of. I have had people die around me on a few occasions. I took it. * not including Nans palliative care slow death, really painful to see.

Has anyone here found death of a love one family or friend difficult.

Am I shedding tears out of guilt or the fact we will never speak?

Do blokes cry? or just me , I am finding every day more difficult yet grafting hard to take mind off bad things. 8 weeks in a fridge before we can cremate.

If I was a parent or lost a kid, I would not manage. Some people are so fucking strong I admire them.

Is there a heaven? After all conforming to society of a religious funeral in most cases, people like to think they are in heaven. It is natural thinking when in a church.

I don't want to go to heaven none of my mates would be there.

But is my Mum nothing now. Where is the better place all these people are telling me - She is in a better place now ..............what fucking place is that then.

She is out of pain now - she weren't in pain but happliy on morphine. 70 years old , beautiful soul, was in Man with a Golden Gun. Defjam has met her. I took her for the Covid vaccine Jan 25th and never saw her again. She did not leave hospital died Feb 28 there abouts.

I am too gutted for house clearance yet.

Any cheery stories or confessions of a tear or two due to Death?

Any religious gurus?

Sorry to bore anyone and fuck you GANK my Mum bled claret and blue and we would go gidea park Drill pub loads to watch games even when she was having chemo.

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

Boycie 2:33 Sun Mar 21
Re: Death.
Sorry for your loss. There is no one way of dealing with it whatever anyone tells you. Some people feel nothing until years later others early and always. Do what feels right, you can only take one step at a time. What would she want her legacy to be? you falling apart or you cracking on and making your presence on this earth of value?

alfs barnet 9:14 Sat Mar 20
Re: Death.
Sorry for your loss Peckham, it sounds tough.

I've put my experiences on here before. In January 2018 my mum got a call from a "friend" of my brother's, telling her that there were police and ambulances at my brother's yard (he was a tree surgeon and had a yard where he kept his truck). He said he was going to go and find out what was going on.
Half hour later he called her back saying "it don't look good" while his wife was shrieking in the background. He kindly said he'd hold back from putting anything on social media for half an hour.
That was how my mum found out her oldest son had been found after gassing himself in his truck. Consequently it resulted in me getting a panicked phone call on my way home from work with her almost shouting at me that my brother was dead as she was terrified i would read about it on Facebook first.
Dealing with a suicide is tough - emotionally it is horrible and every aspect of a loved one's last desperate moments are picked over in an inquest.
Mum wanted a small close service for him with more open drinks in a local pub afterwards. They lived in a small town in Kent where my brother was very popular. She took some real backlash from people who felt they had the right to go to the service. His "friend" from above turned up at the inquest to get all the gory details - only my fear of getting ejected from my own brother's inquest stopped me from smashing the absolute fuck out of the fat yid cunt.
Mum really struggled with the stress of the whole experience and in early October I met her for lunch and she was complaining of an ache in her arm. She called me on the 1st December to tell me that she'd been diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread to her bones. She hadn't smoked in 40 years and lead a healthy life - i genuinely believe it was the stress that caused it.
Over the next 3 months I watched her deteriorate from a beautiful, strong and outgoing woman into a frail old lady. Her bones started snapping - she was stuck in the car for 5 hours at one point waiting for an ambulance as her arm snapped while trying to undo her seat belt.
In early March she temporarily went into a hospice to manage the pain. She never came out. On the 24th March I married my long term partner in the hospice as it was something she desperately wanted us to do and we wanted her there. On the 29th March she passed away. I was very relieved - cancer can be a horrible painful and debilitating disease which strips away dignity.
Mum came from very little - from a family in East Street market in Walworth, brought up by a single mother in a mixture of Brixton slums and a bedsit in Lewisham, she became a relatively successful model in the 60s (no fucking link), had 2 kids, studied and became a very successful teacher until her retirement at 60. I miss her every day. Her and my brother were the only family I had from my past - I'm lucky to have my wife and kids now as its all looking forward rather than back.

Fuck that was long - sorry about that. Think that's the first time I've written it all down.

Westham67 5:21 Sat Mar 20
Re: Death.
Sorry for your loss Peckham

easthammer 3:47 Sat Mar 20
Re: Death.
Peckham, I am sorry for your loss and for your grief and sadness.

I have held back from posting sooner on this thread as I have been thinking carefully about the questions you ask. I have read what others have posted and I can only agree with the majority and with what they have said about your reactions being absolutely natural faced with the loss of a loved one.

I lost my dad when I was 32 and he was 64. He had a sudden heart attack on Christmas Eve. I got to the hospital on Christmas Day (after a long drive) and spoke to him. He was annoyed with me and told me to get back home to my Wife and young kids, which I did. After I left the hospital he took a turn for the worst and I got a call in the early hours that he died on the way to surgery. I sat on the stairs and cried because he had died and I was not there. For months after I could barely touch my ribs, they were so tender like I had had a good beating. That was forty years ago and it seems like yesterday. Time doesn't change things but you learn to deal with it. Although it can still catch you out.

Thirty years on when I was about the same age as my dad when he died I was going for a part-time job in retirement and I was being asked questions about my background I found my voice breaking when talking about the influence of my parents. Am I ashamed of that? No.

You mention coping with the death of children and unfortunately, I have come close to that with the death of a young son-in-law. I will tell you that it is not easy to be in a hospice watching and waiting and praying that death would come soon to relieve his suffering and that of my daughter. Now there is a guilt trip you don't want to experience.

You ask, is there a heaven? Well as someone who believes in God you might expect my answer to be straight forward yes. But for me, it isn't that straightforward. At times I wish it were.

It might be if I were stronger in my faith, less of an agnostic Christain( yes there are such people). Without a long and far from complete explanation of my theology, I would just get you to consider what you posted.

You said your Mum was (had) a beautiful soul and I don't doubt that. That didn't rely entirely upon her physical existence, you for one are still aware of it, and I believe so is God. And I believe it is not our physical presence that's taken into heaven but our spiritual.
When all those years ago when I was following my dad's coffin I didn't cry that day because I was and still am certain that he hadn't gone completely and that his soul, spirit survived. It wasn't in the coffin but where it was I am unsure. My dad wasn't religious but when I was a kid at night he always kissed me and said "God Bless" and showed me love and maybe that was enough.

May God bless you and your family

Billy Blagg 10:05 Fri Mar 19
Re: Death.
Sorry for your loss mate. Firstly, stop thinking everyone is a hard nut and hard nuts don't cry. If you don't find the loss of a family member or loved one 'difficult' then there is something wrong with you. I think it's pretty well-known here but I lost my wife, mother and father (and a much-loved pet) all within 18 months. My wife passed - I still can't use the D word! - 30 months ago so it's all pretty recent. I found the loss of my parents easier to bear as they had a good long life but, in truth, I was still grieving the loss of my wife (who was 10 years younger than me) too much to do little more than just get on with dealing with their passing too. I think about Gail constantly. I used to hear people say "I think about them every day" but they don't say how OFTEN every day. I swear there are times I don't think a minute goes by.without me thinking of her. She's everywhere I look and she's in everything I do. I'm not religious nor am I spiritual but I was bought up a Christian and I do sometimes find solace in church. I went to a special service last Christmas 'Blue Christmas' for those who 'find the season difficult'. The first song started and I howled, I cried right through for 45 minutes, so much a homeless guy who was in the church came up to see if I was ok. That made me worse but I welcomed the tears. I don't cry enough. For me, you hear too many cliches "It' gets better" It doesn't. It gets different but better?..not for me. "They're in a better place". Really? I believe she'd rather be alive. I hope she's somewhere waiting for me but I doubt it. Tomorrow, I will be going over to my parents house in East Ham, it's just over a year but I'm still emptying it. It's a tough, lonely thing to do but me and Gail used to say how one day we'd have to do it and wonder what we'd do with the ££ from the sale - except she didn't get to do it and won't enjoy the proceeds. That rips me apart every time. So no religious guru, no amusing stories - though I do have a strange gallows humour now - and - apologies! - no words of comfort really except you just need to make the best of the rest of your life. Cry if you need it. Don't feel bad about anything. Remember the good times if you can - another cliche because, sadly, you tend to dwell on the bad and the stuff you can't do anything about. And contact someone, anyone if you need to talk. And that last one is important because I don't do it much (only child so tend to just paddle my own canoe). i wish you well. It's hard but, believe me, nothing you say marks you out as weird or weak. Take care.

Westham67 2:47 Fri Mar 19
Re: Death.
ChillTheKeel 6:44 Wed Mar 17

I agree with that we back into being part of the universe and serenity

Mex Martillo 7:31 Fri Mar 19
Re: Death.
Condolences Peckham
It’s horrible time definitely helps.
I don’t know, but I try and remember the good stuff and talk about the loved one to the rest of your family or friends. Which is what you’re doing, so well done for that.
Also make sure you keep having a laugh, doing stuff you enjoy. For me that’s have a beer or 5 with the misses and the few friends we still see, watching West Ham and fucking long walks in the hills.

michael 11:20 Thu Mar 18
Re: Death.
Incredibly Hard days Peckham.
Never really felt grief till my Mum passed away.
You miss them so much as they meant so much.
RIP to your Mum.

Moncurs Putting Iron 10:49 Thu Mar 18
Re: Death.
Good to know you are around and still sharing.

Keep it up.

Peckham 10:34 Thu Mar 18
Re: Death.
I cant reply to WHOMAIL. My mobile is too shit. But I have a tear thinking people have time to message and for once not death threats.

I will read on pc manana.

Peckham 10:25 Thu Mar 18
Re: Death.
My older brother is a cunt, he nicked Mums card when she was one month dying slowly in Queens. Spunked 2k. Ransacked house of all my dear Mums few but sentimental jewellery and pawned the lot. I went to the house where he claimed he was quarantine and he called the Police, because of past history despite him off their head the Police told me to go. Last message was he is getting a restraining order.

I am left with house clearance and tieing things up.

I am on my tod in empty house for first time in 2 months since I handed her over to him for his turn caring etc.

Cant afford funeral or house clearance. But thats because I have been a psychotic ( Army Days ) cunt son in my past.

No longer suicidal. Defjam put this to rest.

I am hurting.

Took a job within 2 days of death. Proper hard physical graft, but soon will have all costs covered.

Call me a cunt , no problem, but honestly my old dear had this smile and old school tone of voice so sweet. All my Army mates loved her. So stunning Sean Connery asked her out in his hey day. Me, selfish. She has been dying including cancer for over 4 years. what was I doing. Living the good life in Spain. Until WHO and Defjam jumped in and jesus GAVROS. Even his haters can not argue how gutted his pàrents and family feel still. So fucking young.

This sounds shit. I have mental health support , the best, veteran service. Loads of meds, etc. But it is Family Guy and a spliff and I can switch off.

Otherwise I am angry with the world. Cunts on the news their bucket list wants after lockdown - to go to a club and listen to music, to wear a dress and high heels. Fuck off cunts what about taking time to contemplate the dead, maybe continue helping others, get nurse pay raised. Sort out NHS shitty mental health service. Give me my Mum back, thats all I want.

Cheery film about death - Death of Stalin, Death at a Funeral (2007). Both excellent.

My suicidal thoughts are further at the back of my brain, my priority is not getting red mist at work with someone, not killing my Brother, hard graft, cremate Mum.

Sorry lengthy post and me me me. etc.

Sincerely sorry for those who have no doubt gone through worse than me and are good people, heart out to Defjam, so fucking tragic.

And respect to our posters and their families from WHO of whom died too young. x

Moncurs Putting Iron 11:01 Thu Mar 18
Re: Death.
Peckham,

Your honest and emotional post has drawn a lot of good out of WHO, when you are ready, check in mate, would be good to know that you are around and facing forward.

. . 12:25 Thu Mar 18
Re: Death.
A bit of advice my mother gave me was

-Forget the date I died
-Raise a glass for me on my Birthday/Mothers Day/Christmas.

I think it was a day in September about 10 years ago my mother died. However Always raise a glass of her favourite tipple on her Birthday/Mothers Day etc.

I try and remember the good times like taking her to a mothers day meal at Upton Park (the year she died) and doing a tour of the East End. She wanted to see the Troxy where she worked in in the late 40's early 50's with Alf Ramsey's sister (Joyce) She told me a story about at the premiere of Cinderella they had a horse drawn pumpkin carriage. (I thought her memory was playing tricks on her until I did a bit of research)

Last thing I remember her saying to me was, Don't fall into the trap of 'Your Mother Would Not Approve' which she followed up by saying you have always been a shit and I was never proud of the crap you brought to this house (normally the police coming to arrest me) But always remember
I'm proud of the No Nonsense man you have become.

I have found the above advice helpful and every time she pops into my head I always toast her and chuckle at her calling me a Shit just before she died

Crassus 11:15 Wed Mar 17
Re: Death.
Pecks

If you needed confirmation that I was right, look no further than Billy and Geoff's subsequent posts
I am mate, and you will be too, if for no one else but Mum, and what she would have wanted
Chin up son, take your solace when needed, but beyond anything, march on to the sunrise, I have told you before, it is always darkest just before

geoffpikey 10:14 Wed Mar 17
Re: Death.
Here's good cheer.

My dad has a school roof named after him. In Kenya! That's right, he, my mum and fellow church goers were regularly sending money to some tiny school for deaf children in very rural Kenya, where the children get barely any govt support. Monies raised after his funeral bought a new hot tin roof! My dad was a cool cat and deaf as a post.

I can't wait to meet a deaf Kenyan. "Dude, you must know of my dad!"



He won't hear me. And I can't sign. Happy days.

only1billybonds 10:09 Wed Mar 17
Re: Death.
Time will heal your heart Pecks.

I remember finding out my old man had terminal cancer and i really wasnt sure if i wanted to carry on in a world that didnt include him. He went 10 years ago and not a day goes by when i dont think of him and see his face but now i smile instead of cry.

As well as being my Dad he was also my best friend and like all friendships, ours had its share of humour and piss taking. There can be laughter in heartache and below is an actual exchange between us a month before he died. Hope it gives you a smile.

My phone rings.

Me: Alright Dad?
Him. Not really.
Me: How come.
Him: I got the results of my latest test.
Me: Whats the verdict.
Him. I'll never use me legs again.
Me Fucking hell Dad.
Him. Yea i know
Me. Na Dad ya dont.
Him. What ya mean?
Me. I went out last night and paid 30 quid on a new pair of slippers for you.

He cracked up as did i but i was sobbing at the same time. Stay strong mate,i'm sure your Mum would lump you one if she were to see you giving yourself a hard time over her.

MaryMillingtonsGhost 10:05 Wed Mar 17
Re: Death.
Crassus 9:19

I can tell you that the raw pain eases to an ache, and then a sadness/happiness at times of reflection

^ 100%

Crassus 9:19 Wed Mar 17
Re: Death.
Pecks
Hang in there mate
I can absolutely assure you, without doubt, that there is life after death
And that is from the memories, the anecdote, the values and historic anchor points, relevant to the passed
As I have said to my now adult kids, with whom I am very close, learn from me, replicate the good, ditch the bad, remember I'm not perfect but loved you perfectly
You can see from the retro posts upon here how life after death rings true
Final word, I can tell you that the raw pain eases to an ache, and then a sadness/happiness at times of reflection
Hang in there mate and always about privately

Bungo 8:57 Wed Mar 17
Re: Death.
I think this qualifies as a cheery death story?

Many years ago a colleague of my father in law died suddenly and unexpectedly. Clearly the funeral was a sombre affair with a relatively young grieving widow, and two distraught teenage children.

The pallbearers were carrying his coffin in, when about halfway down the aisle, one of them accidentally and very audibly farted. Most of the congregation controlled themselves with enormous effort, but the suppressed sniggers started and inevitably spread throughout the church like a wildfire.

It did subside eventually, but by then everyone had tears down their faces, with those wearing makeup with accompanying streaks. You could tell when someone was desperately holding themselves together as the shoulders would shake.

Not something anyone would actually wish for, but it did lighten the mood massively. Lots of tragedy on this thread, but hopefully there’s a smile or two to be had here and there.

Peckham 8:32 Wed Mar 17
Re: Death.
Dandy Lyon 7:46 Wed Mar 17
Sharp, witty and non offensive.

Thanks all.

Wise words being exchanged.

geoffpikey 8:04 Wed Mar 17
Re: Death.
Keep going Peckham. Remember the passed and celebrate their lives with the living. I still think of my sister and father (they went within two months of each other) every single day.

My devoutly Catholic mother says: "I know you're not particularly religious, but that's your way of praying". She's right, you know.

Is there a God? Dunno. What I do know is that when we exited my father's funeral, a rainbow broke out over church. I have a photo. It's real. Someone/something/somewhere - even if just mother nature - was smiling down at him. And us. And me.

* Puts on The The - "Love Is Stronger Than Death". Tune!

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