WHO Poll
Q: 2021/22 What competition should we prioritise this season?
a. The league is our bread & butter, so this year let's have a club sandwich
25%
  
b. We're owed an FA Cup after Gerrard nicked our last one in 06, our name's on it in 22
9%
  
c. A bye to the League Cup 3rd round gives us a good start, let's make it count
6%
  
d. The Europa is our best ticket to the Champions League, this is the one
37%
  
e. What's wrong with you, let's do the lot, has the quadruple ever been done
24%
  



Irish Hammer 1:25 Tue Oct 26
Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
I'm confessing to be a big fan of Ilan !

Note:- Article is about 18 months old

Ranking the 49 forwards signed in West Ham’s Gold & Sullivan era

West Ham United have signed a quite astonishing 49 forwards since David Gold and David Sullivan bought the club in January 2010 – and the vast majority of them have been pretty useless.

We’re not including the likes of Dimitri Payet and Ravel Morrison, playmakers pushed into more advanced supporting roles, or those like Domingos Quina and Robert Snodgrass who began in advanced roles before dropping into midfield.

However, the 48 includes number nines, second strikers and attacking wingers – some substantially more successful than others.

49. Mido (Loan from Middlesbrough, February 2010)

Considering a number of these players never even made a matchday squad, it takes a lot for someone who actually did play to finish bottom.

However, Mido’s contribution – no goals and a missed penalty – is undoubtedly a net negative. He famously earned just £1,000 per week at West Ham, but even that felt a bit steep.

48. Benni McCarthy (Undisclosed from Blackburn Rovers, February 2010)

An absolute car crash of a signing, with the South African scoring no goals and only leaving after being paid off handsomely by the club. He also started an enjoyably petty feud with Karren Brady that rumbles on to this day.

He’s ahead of Mido only because he stuck around a little longer, though I’m starting to wonder if that should actually count against him.

47. Jordan Hugill (£10m from Preston North End, January 2018)

Signed due to David Moyes’ twice-weekly pangs of nostalgia for all things Preston, Hugill played a grand total of 22 competitive minutes for the club. He scored in a friendly, at least.

Hugill was quietly bundled off to Norwich in 2020 and both parties agreed never to speak of the experience again.

46. Joe Dixon (Unattached, January 2012)

Literally no idea who this person is.

45. Luka Belic (Free from OFK Beograd, September 2015)

Apparently not the guy from GTA IV.

44. Wellington Paulista (Loan from Cruzeiro, January 2013)

Brazilian forward who impressed in his homeland but never made an appearance for West Ham.

Not to be confused with Wellington Silva, a Brazilian forward who impressed in his homeland but never made an appearance for Arsenal.

43. Jaanai Gordon (Undisclosed from Peterborough United, January 2014)

The closest he got to a first-team game was an appearance on the bench in a 5-0 FA Cup defeat to Nottingham Forest. Make of that what you will.

42. Sean Maguire (Undisclosed from Waterford United, January 2013)

Seems to be doing okay for Preston but never got a game for West Ham. Only this high by virtue of sharing his name with an EastEnders actor.

41. Brian Montenegro (Loan from Deportivo Maldonado, August 2011)

One of two (two!) strikers loaned by West Ham from Deportivo Maldonado, a Uruguayan second-tier team who have had the likes of Alex Sandro and Gerónimo Rulli on their books without either player having ever turned out for their first team.

Apparently, he played 12 minutes in a cup game. He also holds the distinction of being part of the Leeds United loan 100.

40. Oladapo Afolayan (Undisclosed from Solihull Moors, January 2018)

Spent time at Chelsea as a kid (that’s good). Yet to come remotely close to the first-team squad (that’s bad).

39. Mladen Petric (Unattached, September 2013)

Signings outside the transfer window always come with that caveat of no one else wanting them, so everything else is a bonus.

There was no bonus with Petric, who was on the losing side in each of his three sub appearances in the league and didn’t even last until January.



38. Marouane Chamakh (Loan from Arsenal, January 2013)

Managed one league start, in a game where West Ham failed to win at home to a QPR team that picked up 25 points all season.

Then moved to Crystal Palace, where he scored the only goal of the game in a win over West Ham. I hope seagulls use his oil-slick haircut as target practise.

37. Marco Borriello (Loan from Roma, January 2014)

Scored 12 Serie A goals the season before joining West Ham, and netted 16 for Cagliari in 201-17. His West Ham stats? Two games. No goals. One shot. Bumped up for his 100% win ratio.

36. Nene (Unattached, February 2015)

A great player in his day but was never going to benefit from joining a West Ham team managed by dead man walking Sam Allardyce. Almost had one special moment against Crystal Palace, but didn’t.



READ: A tribute to Nenê at PSG and his ‘right man, wrong time’ act at West Ham

35. Pablo Barrera (£4m from Pumas UNAM, July 2010)

A good player who just failed to settle in London. More a winger than a striker, his final tally of *counts on fingers* zero goals still isn’t ideal.

He looked alright in that 5-1 cup win over Burnley, but then again everyone did.

34. Mesaque Dju (Free from Benfica, January 2019)

He might eventually be good. Honestly, who knows?

33. Nikica Jelavic (£3m from Hull City, September 2015)

It’s a damning indictment of West Ham’s transfer business that there are more than a dozen players worse than the Croatian.

Scored a winner against Wolves in the cup but also led the line in a borderline unwatchable goalless draw with Swansea that must be in the bottom five Premier League matches of the century.

32. Martin Samuelsen (Free from Manchester City, July 2015)

Looked good in his first pre-season and on loan at Peterborough, but you always had the sense it won’t work out for him in E20.

Now at Hull City, which would suggest his good first impression was also extremely fleeting.

31. Toni Martínez (Undisclosed from Valencia, July 2016)

If this was based on the opinions of dads on phone-ins, Martínez would be number one.

Easy to forget his only appearances for the club came in FA Cup ties against Shrewsbury and Wigan, and this relatively high ranking is based on a combination of outrageous under-23 goalscoring exploits, a few games at Oxford, and Dave on 606’s intuition.

30. Xande Silva (£1.35m from Vitoria, August 2018)

His first name is apparently pronounced like the Pokémon Chansey, which is just adorable. One for the future, and it’s hard to judge a man on barely 90 minutes of first-team football.

29. John Carew (Free from Aston Villa, August 2011)

One of five substitute strikers on a five-man bench in a defeat to Derby in 2011, which is remarkable in its own right. He did at least score a couple of goals in the Championship, but a player of his build and pedigree ought to have been capable of more at that level.

28. Albian Ajeti (£8m from Basel, August 2019)

No one could tell you a single thing about Albian Ajeti’s time at West Ham, which immediately puts him as an advantage over a lot of people. Has a twin brother called Adonis, which must be pretty dispiriting for anyone.

27. Sam Baldock (Undisclosed from MK Dons, August 2011)

Four goals in back-to-back home matches was a great start, but that’s as good as it got for a player who was never likely to stick around after promotion.

26. Modibo Maiga (£4.7m from Sochaux, July 2012)

West Ham turning a profit on Modibo Maiga is a good example to use when justifying magicians never revealing their secrets.

He was the biggish-money attacking recruit after promotion and somehow stuck around for more than three years. Not very good, but we’ll always have those 10 minutes at White Hart Lane.



READ: An ode to Modibo Maiga, a rubbish West Ham striker with a difference

25. Simone Zaza (Loan from Juventus, August 2016)

Zaza is clearly a good footballer, as proven by 95% of what he’s done while not playing for West Ham. Sadly all we have to show for his time in England is a botched two-on-two and several failed bicycle kicks.

Attempting more bicycle kicks after failing so many times is enough to elevate him above strikers who actually did some goals. I’ve absolutely got my priorities right here, shut up.

24. Jonathan Calleri (Loan from Deportivo Maldonado, August 2016)

You’re standing in the middle of the goal, about eight yards out, with only Shay Given to beat. Do you sidefoot the ball home? Do you f*ck.

You try a rabona, hit it straight at Given, and head back to – yes, you guessed it – Deportivo Maldonado at the end of the season.

For a player whose second touch was often a tackle, his hat-trick against Wolves in the Europa League for Espanyol saw countless pairs of eyebrows require planning permission in a different postcode.



READ: The story of Jonathan Calleri: Mad rabonas & another West Ham disaster

23. Emmanuel Emenike (Loan from Fenerbahce, January 2016)

You might think including a striker with no league goals ahead of 20 others implies West Ham haven’t got a clue about strikers. And you’d be right.

Still, his hold-up play in a huge 1-0 win over Spurs is worth at least one goal, which – fittingly, is the final tally Calleri achieved in four more league games.

22. Robbie Keane (Loan from Tottenham Hotspur, January 2011)

It wasn’t his fault that he walked into one of West Ham’s worst ever squads, or that he barely contributed.

Scored twice, though, including in the win at Blackpool that gave some West Ham fans – such as the ardent one from Shanghai in this Betway video – hope despite them knowing much better.



21. Nicky Maynard (Undisclosed from Bristol City, January 2012)

A good striker, who was on the losing side just once in his 17 games for West Ham. Not good enough for the Premier League, but we got our money back, so no harm done.

20. Ashley Fletcher (Free from Manchester United, July 2016)

He tried hard, okay.

19. Lucas Perez (£4m from Arsenal, August 2018)

Yeah, this says a lot more about the others than it does about him.

18. Sebatien Haller (£45m from Eintracht Frankfurt, July 2019)

Okay, there’s an argument that Haller should be much lower on this list.

The sixth most expensive striker in Premier League history has a permanently moody look on his face, which plenty of West Ham fans have replicated while watching him play.

Still, with each overhead kick we refuse to give up hope.



READ: Sebastien Haller’s slip is a microcosm of his entire West Ham career so far

17. Frederic Piquionne (Undisclosed from Lyon, July 2010)

Stuck around until 2013, somehow. No, really.

Piquionne was actually pretty decent in his first season as a West Ham player, though that red card for celebrating what ended up not being a winning goal was pretty stupid.

Somehow looked worse playing at a lower level in a more successful team.

16. Sofiane Feghouli (Free from Valencia, July 2016)

The winger took a long time to get going but ended up being a big part of enjoyable wins over Crystal Palace and Burnley. You might accuse me of confirmation bias here, but it’s not that: it’s just everyone else being absolute garbage for the most part.

15. Andriy Yarmolenko (£17.5m from Borussia Dortmund, July 2018)

A lot rests on whether he fully recovers from that snapped Achilles tendon, but the karaoke Arjen Robben has already done more than some expected of a player who, if we’re being frank, it never happened for at Borussia Dortmund.

Thankfully he got injured before that awful ‘Yarnie’ nickname could catch on.

14. Carlton Cole (Unattached, October 2013)

If we were dealing with Cole’s entire time at West Ham, he’d be much higher, but we’re sticking to Gold & Sullivan signings.

That means looking only at his second spell, after being brought back on a free in October when no one wanted him and no other forward would join West Ham (well, except Mladen Petric, but we’ve been over that).

His last goal for the club came in a vastly memorable 2-2 FA Cup draw with Everton, best known for Adrian’s winning penalty. Thanks for everything, Carlton.



READ: Great Goals Revisited: Carlton Cole for West Ham v Wigan, 2009

13. Ilan (Free from Saint-Etienne, February 2010)

Scored the goals to keep us up and then vanished forever, like an unnaturally square-headed wizard. Allegedly has three Brazil caps, which I find impossible to believe.

12. Andre Ayew (£20.5m from Swansea City, August 2016)

It took a while, but Ayew briefly looked like the player West Ham signed from Swansea for a club-record fee. That didn’t last, though, and soon enough he went back to South Wales and everyone just pretended it never happened.

Had a tidy knack for popping up with goals from close range, even if he did miss against Liverpool from basically on the goalline.

11. Enner Valencia (£12m from Pachuca, July 2014)

Valencia had some great moments, including a stunning debut goal against Hull and one of West Ham’s best ever non-Payet free-kicks against Bournemouth.

Am I biased from having been sat directly behind the Ecuadorian as he hit that dead ball at the Vitality Stadium? A resounding maybe.

10. Javier Hernandez (£16m from Bayer Leverkusen, July 2017)

Chicharito is clearly one of the best finishers West Ham have had in the Premier League era, but have you seen him ever do anything else? Was sold to make room for Albian Ajeti, proving that West Ham a truly an asylum run by its resident lunatics.

9. Mauro Zarate (Undisclosed from Velez Sarsfield, May 2014)

Zarate did some brilliant things, from his debut volley at Palace to his winner against Jose Mourinho’s Chelsea, but the Argentine frankly didn’t score enough goals.

Won a penalty for Watford against West Ham in 2016-17, because that’s how football narratives work.

8. Victor Obinna (Loan from Internazionale, August 2010)

Imagine having a player set up all four goals in a 4-0 win over Manchester United and then freeze him out while battling relegation that same season. Welcome to ‘West Ham United: The Sitcom’.

7. Jarrod Bowen (£20m from Hull, January 2020)

For a man who appears more Rugby League than footballer, Bowen has made an impressive impact since his arrival.

Injecting some pace into a previously trundling side, Bowen’s dribbling ability and eye for goal has made him that rare being: an astute West Ham signing.

Has the potential to rise even higher on this list.

6. Andy Carroll (Loan then £15m from Liverpool, August 2012)

The prospect of West Ham having a £35million striker sounds preposterous before you realise (a) Carroll cost the club less than half as much as that and (b) no one has ever considered Andy Carroll a £35million striker apart from Kenny Dalglish.

Would have been a lock for the top five if he’d left after three or four years, but has slipped down after his final two seasons resulted in a total of four goals. He’ll still probably be looked back on as an overall success, but it’s hard to look at him that way now.

5. Diafra Sakho (£3.5m from Metz, August 2014)

More good than bad, although leaving his second £200,000 Lamborghini at the club’s training ground (after writing off the first) isn’t perhaps the best way to endear yourself to Essex’s finest.

4. Ricardo Vaz Te (Undisclosed from Barnsley, January 2012)

Scorer of the promotion-winning goal, and that one against Spurs where he hit the ball straight at Hugo Lloris only to fall over and accidentally knock in the rebound while lying on the ground.

Still not sure which of the two was more enjoyable, and I can’t even say ‘the one that resulted in special club merchandise being released’ because we’re the kind of joke club that did that for both, somehow.



READ: The streets will never forget: Ricardo Vaz Te’s Championship screamers

3. Marko Arnautovic (£24m from Stoke City, July 2017)

Despite a very slow start, Arnautovic’s run of form under David Moyes and at the start of Manuel Pellegrini’s reign gave West Ham a striker who you always believed was capable of finding the net. Even the manner of his exit can’t really take away from the fact that he often felt too good for what was – at least during Moyes’ spell – a struggling club.

Also places high due to his hilarious ‘loyalty’ video after not being granted a move to China, in which the Austrian definitely did not have a gun held to his head.



2. Michail Antonio (£6m from Nottingham Forest, September 2015)

We’ve just about forgiven his failure to keep the ball in the corner at Crystal Palace in 2017.

Antonio has morphed into one of those strikers ‘defenders hate to play against’. Was the league’s top goalscorer during Project Restart and has a knack for eye-catching goal celebrations (our personal favourite was the invisible camel riding at Tottenham).

In a world full of d*ckheads, we need to protect Michail Antonio at all costs.

1. Demba Ba (Undisclosed from Hoffenheim, January 2011)

Yes, my number one pick only played 12 league games for West Ham, but those 12 games saw him crowned the club’s top scorer for the whole season.

I know what you’re thinking, that’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard. Wrong.

The new stupidest thing you’ve ever heard is West Ham including a clause in Ba’s contract allowing him to leave on a free if the club got relegated, only to have second thoughts and try (and fail) to give him a new deal in the second tier.

Obviously he went on to score 29 league goals in 54 games for Newcastle.

Ba is the most eye-catching striker to play at West Ham this decade, and our failure to keep him on board for more than five months is, to use a technical term, dumb as hell.

Replies - Newest Posts First (Show In Chronological Order)

Alex G 6:29 Wed Oct 27
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
It says something about the overall quality of those signings that Zaza comes out pretty much middle in the rankings!

Alfs 5:03 Wed Oct 27
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Fucking tragic read, though I enjoyed the author's humour.
Cheers, Irish.

Sir Alf 6:15 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Toughest area to recruit for. You need a player up front these days that not only scores goals but can provide assists too and work tirelessly when not in possession. That means the "good attitude" and getting a striker who is not a prima donna ( whatever level you play at you come across them).

We either need to get a younger player who is not quite ready but we're pretty certain will make it or pay a ton in fees , wages or both to get a proven goal scorer. The other scenarios I guess are "develop one via the academy" ( been saying that for decades as Cottee was the last one) or pull off a masterstroke and find someone no club has identified that is relatively cheap. We can see why we failed consistently ( 50 times in fact). Poor / non-existent scouting network etc. Sullivan and Salthouse's client list ( Mackay and Silkman before him) is not the way.

Toney, looks promising but as mentioned lets give him another season before reaching too many conclusions. Daka does look to be "the business" but again need to give him a year or so to know as teams will start taking special steps to stop him if he continues to score as he has for the last couple of weeks.

Wilson at Newcastle will score goals but seems to have a real problem with West Ham. No doubt 100+ grand a week will solve that but he might be the prima donna type and upset team spirit and besides he gets injured a lot.

My hope ( well dream) and based only on just watching the Euros, admittedly, is that we can somehow tempt Bellotti to come to us but I suspect we will be outbid on wages by others and / or the fact he will want to go to a club that has won things in the last 40 years.

The lad Sonny Perkins in the U23s that recently stepped up looks promising but we've seen a few like that down the years that could not make the last step. Oxoflex is another.

If only we could find another David Cross or Mcavennie. Alas those days are gone. Clubs have scouts everywhere nowadays.

Lastly, we could go the Ron Greenwood route and convert a CB to centre forward. Worked well with that Geoff Hurst fella.

Far Cough 6:10 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Always remember Zaza for his shot at goal that went out for a throw in, even I wasn't that bad

joey5000 5:50 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
This articles a bit harsh on Baldock who got us some important goals in the championship. He was much better for us than dross like Zaza and Calleri who managed a combined 1 goal.

gph 5:48 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Thanks, Irish

gph 5:47 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Number 50 coming up in January?

Not much competition to be in the top 5 of 50.

Almost no chance of being the worst.

Mr Kenzo 3:05 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Salthouse must have more money than Jeff Bezos

Block 3:01 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
I'm not questioning it, I've just agreed we need another striker?

Lee Trundle 2:55 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Bowen is MUCH better playing in his normal position.

I've seen nothing from Vlasic to get me excited over him yet.

We need someone to back up/replace Antonio. I don't know why that's even questionable. Even Moyes admits that. He's had enough time to sort it out, IMO.

Block 2:52 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
I think as a team we've developed since then, And Bowen as proven this season does a very good job through the middle.

And we now have Vlasic, which whilst he was brought in as a wide player as seen Moyes can convert wide players into central players - so he's another option.

It's not ideal and do agree we need another central player but glad we aren't just signing people for the sake of it.

Lee Trundle 2:50 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Of course we're doing ok, for now.

But we only have to look back at last season, when we played Man Utd in the FA Cup to see the wheels come off. 1 shot on target in 120 mins and Moyes had no idea who to put up front.

Block 2:45 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Plus at present we're 4th in the league, and pretty much through to the next phase in the Europa League.

So i'd say we're doing OK as are.

Block 2:44 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Clearly there's reasons we didn't sign Toney or Daka, which we're likely to not ever know why.

I trust in Moyes judgement.

Can't repeat it anymore mate, we don't just have 1 striker. We have players who can play there as a backup, like most clubs do.

Lee Trundle 2:39 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
We've had strikers that were within our reach over the past year and a half and 3 transfer windows, though. I've just named 2 that were pretty much close to signing that we've missed out on.

£5m on Toney wouldn't have been a mistake. Having 1 striker in your squad for so long, is.

Block 2:36 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Trunds, Depends on who is available and likely to fit how we play.

In the past, as shown, we've signed strikers who were available just to make up the numbers, clearly Moyes is against this as he hasn't bothered signing someone.

I'm not sold on Toney just yet. As proven many players have done well for 1 season then gone onto be a bit shit.

Lee Trundle 2:09 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
... and also it looks like we dropped a bollock with Toney (even Moyes admits that).

Lee Trundle 2:08 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Block 1:53 Tue Oct 26

We wouldn't be getting a striker in for the sake of it though.

If you think having 1 striker in your squad is fine, then fair enough.

It looks like we could have dropped a bollock not signing DAKA though.

goose 2:07 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
a list of strikers populated with many players who weren't actually strikers.

funny that two of the best weren't bought to be strikers.

El Scorchio 2:01 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
Antonio not number 1? Ridiculous. Ba wasn't around long enough to be ahead of him, assuming this is on what they did with West Ham, which is what it looks like from a lot of the comments. I guess the only thing is that if it's 18 months old it's before Antonio was properly 'the man' for us.

As an aside I was expecting to see Guillermo Franco on that list somewhere in the top half. I really liked him when he was with us, but I didn't realise he predates G&S. How time flies.....

Block 1:53 Tue Oct 26
Re: Good article for today - West Hams 49 strikers in the GSB Era
This is the conversation I was having on another thread with Trundle about getting in another striker for the sake of it.

Moyes clearly knows our history with strikers, so doesn't want to sign people for the sake of it.

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