I've just got off of the phone with Direct Line buying my car insurance.
I gave the fella my card details and he said "Before you go,have you got any pets?"
I said "Yes, I've got a rabbit but it doesn't drive"

My sister lived in a little village near Wantage and her neighbour was born on December 31st 1899 - one of my father-in-laws neighbours was born on the 1st.January 1900 -when they were 95 we managed to get them together.They had missed the first world war one through having had bad pneumonia and the...

Satan's own exorcism."Priest get out of that child.!!!"

"West Ham v Manchester United - 29th.March 1969 score was 0-0 and it was the day the new west stand and chicken run opened and we were just off the halfway line -upper tier - we went on a coach from Berkshire from my Dad's work - it took ages to get there - I remember the British Legion band ,the ol...

I see that Alan Bolding who was the club chaplain has left us - he succeeded Elwyn Crockett- I worked with Alan in the Oil and Gas industry for a while and he was a lovely man - a true Hammer - RIP

"""Waiter , was fish one of the specials?"" ""No..he was with Marillion !!"""

I DO find it hilarious that Ivan Toney born 1996 has the names Ivan Benjamin Elijah which makes his initials IBET - arf arf

I DO find it hilarious that Ivan Toney born 1996 has the names Ivan Benjamin Elijah which makes his initials IBET - arf arf

"A man goes to join an order of monks. The head Monk says to the man ""This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once, every 15 years."" The man says ""Ok"" and so begins his time with the silent order. 15 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the head monk approach...

I see the squad numbers are out - I'm surprised Cornet didn't get 99

We were sent to New Delhi to work three times and my colleague insisted he wouldn't touch local fayre so took a suitcase full of Pot Noodles each time - he got the trots really badly each time but still insisted on Pot Noodles- no-one else got it even though we (carefully) tried most things

Have you seen that Argos are selling 20ft pool tables? The queues are massive

I remember Frank Carson telling the one about the Irishman doing a runner - he paid for the meal and ran out without eating it !!

"norwaytips- take a walk up to Tennysons Monument and take a look at the resident ravens -they're big bastards too. On a separate note -if you like burgers/steak etc. make sure to visit The Cow ,not far from Freshwater on the Newport road and the Blacksmiths pub at Carisbrooke-great food and views o...

"ludo21 -try sailing via Red Funnel from Southampton...Usually a lot cheaper -the sailing from Lymington is lovely admiitedly - a nice drive through the forest..when booking via Wight Link,have a look at the 'deals' pull down at the top"

Isle of Wight last week - just like stepping back 30 years -shame about the atrocious ferry fares - the most expensive in the world mile for mile - it's strangling the island's businesses - we're returning in October but only because we got ferry vouchers. Off for a week's fishing in Norfolk in July...

The local bird warden says it's possibly a lone male on his way through to Sussex..he'd not heard one for ages..my Merlin app confirmed the 'spotting ' hope to try again tonight

"Currently staying in a 500 year old brew house on the Isle of Wight...we're somewhat out in the sticks here with water meadows and some lakes..so far we've seen a barn owl fly over the lake (with fieldmouse) chiff chaff ,Jay's, wren ,long tailed tits, buzzards, red kite , moorhen , grey heron , loa...

"Three Postcards The first came from Weston-Super-Mare with the Grand Pier - newly-built - in view, shining ,stretching out into the distance, and the sea,an unknowable blue. Unfamiliar,that neat hand of his,the black fountain pen. But he was the one; she knew that even then. The one after that she ...

I had some Korean food the other day - it was the dogs' bollocks

"Reminds me of our neighbour..very much a country yokel-he put in a nice big fishpond and I said ""Don't you have problems with herons"" ""Only once"" he said"

"The wife said if you're bored , why don't you make a bird table -Now she's kicking off 'cos she's in fifth place"

"About three years ago, our Kiwi son-in-law set his cameras up to record a great spotted woodpecker's nest in our old cherry tree..see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=godR1K7bcNk The same cherry tree ,this year ,appears to be housing a couple of Green Woodpeckers only this time they've decided to be...

Oneard - PM sent

Goose