West Ham Online

"Been through bad time lately with suffering with this. Dark thoughts as well. I know some posters on here suffer with this. Anyone come through the other side of this shit?

"A number of posters have been yellow carded and told to stay off this thread unless they have anything constructive to add.This is a thread that has been very useful to so many, for any other posters with scores to settle, argue on another thread. This thread is sacrosant.Thank you"

"Help me out here, I'm struggling to understand what in that scenario has made you break down? .... What you describe there is a typical, modern family scenario for many - only working four days a week puts you in a better position than a lot out there ..... Perhaps in the spirit of positivity you should be thankful ..... All these thing show you havent got a clue about depression and how to deal with it. This thread is for support not for questioning whether someone has the right to have a breakdown."

*and unhelpful*

I'm not calling anyone out If you read the full context of my post I'm saying he's got all the bases covered and to look on the various aspects of the situation positively. Closing down debate and taking offence on behalf of others is unhealthy and helpful.

"overbyyer 6:16 Sat Nov 6 You do realise this is the anxiety and depression thread? Not the place for calling people out. When you suffer with these conditions then sometimes putting your fucking shoes on isnt possible, let alone looking after kids. If you dont understand it, I would suggest you keep your comments off this thread."

*does* the same

"Block wrote... Re: Anxiety/depression ""Broke down last night, I'm absolutely shattered as I've taken more of a hands on role with the boy, I only work 4 days now so either at work or at home looking after him whilst the wifes at work."" Help me out here, I'm struggling to understand what in that scenario has made you break down? You work four days a week and take your turn when your wife is at work, presumably she dies the same when you are working? What you describe there is a typical, modern family scenario for many - only working four days a week puts you in a better position than a lot out there. Perhaps in the spirit of positivity you should be thankful you've got the bases covered and have an extra day off every week to help take up the strain. Save your break down for when number 2 and even number 3 come along....!"

Yea it’s natural to over-worry first time round. It’s all pretty normal. We kicked off with twins and the stress levels were through the roof and beyond. When the 3rd came along it was a stroll. So much so it felt like he was looking after himself from a month old …. swt

Well when you get to the third they can go head long into a wall and you just wait and tell them to get up.

"Side of Ham 7:07 Fri Nov 5 Side is indeed correct, crying is a really good sign, if they are crying then generally less to worry about. Also the first one is the worse, you shit yourself about everything, if you get to the second you give far less of a shit (hope she isn't reading this)."

"When my youngest was born there was no cry and she was blue! Then whipped off to be resuscitated and was from there gravely ill, got offered to have her given her last rites before being rushed off on her own to GOSH......6 months later she was fully discharged and I still shudder when I hear those beeping machines even if I catch a snippet of the shit that is Holby City...........when she cried/screamed......that was my reassurance she was alive well and fighting, and I was just so grateful. It may help you to know Block that the a baby crying/screaming is the most wonderful noise to me ever."

"When my youngest was born there was no cry and she was blue! Then whipped off to be resuscitated and was from there gravely ill, got offered to have her given her last rites before being rushed off on her own to GOSH......6 months later she was fully discharged and I still shudder when I hear those beeping machines even if I catch a snippet of the shit that is Holby City...........when she cried/screamed......that was my reassurance she was alive well and fighting, and I was just so grateful. It may help you to know Block that the a baby crying/screaming is the most wonderful noise to me ever."

"Block 3:55 Fri Nov 5 I assume you've tried the simple things - like sitting on the sofa and letting him fall asleep in your arms? May take a few attempts but with luck he'll start relaxing and drifting off peacefully, at which point you should be able to put him in his own bed. Might take your stress levels down a bit, too."

"66, thanks mate. Much appreciated. It's tough work, but he's my world and everything I do is for him now."

Wouldn't change having the boy for the world That’s the bit you need to focus on kunt SON Kids are hard work especially when they’re ill and you have work to juggle as well. I can remember feeling a lot of what you’re going through. No doubt you’re doing your absolute best so stick in there mate and things will get better

"Broke down last night, I'm absolutely shattered as I've taken more of a hands on role with the boy, I only work 4 days now so either at work or at home looking after him whilst the wifes at work. He's been really rough catching every cunting virus under the sun the last 3 months, and he's been having issues sleeping due to this fucking cough he's got which he gets in a state , so I've not slept much. Wouldn't change having the boy for the world, but i'm really, really struggling at the moment seeing him in pain and not sleeping as well as trying to adjust to a new routine."

"Must add that my current employers (clients) have been fucking awesome, they are a French company who I have worked as a consultant for a year now. Despite being a consultant, they have given me PAID time off for both holidays and illness (depression). Again, this can make all the difference."

"Manuel 3:13 Thu Nov 4 Going to be honest, I am actually pretty skint presently, living month to month (I dont actually have paid accommodation yet for next month) BUT what I do have is skills that i can do from anywhere and that pay a very good hourly rate. This firstly made it far easy for me to hide my issues from my employer and keep getting paid and when i did make the decision to get out is has made it very easy to relocate and keep working. I cant imagine what I would of done if I was working regular 9 to 5 at a location, I think I would be homeless right now. So I was really lucky because my circumstances allowed me to both conceal my issues and change my situation. The good news for me is that with the sale of my house going through, I will, once my debts are paid, have a reasonable lump sum to start again and with todays opportunities within my industry, it is really exciting for me."

"I know you was mate, I was just highlighting how it can be different for different people."

"Block - I was picking up on angry's post where he stated his financial position gave him a way out, which ultimately was his saving grace. Bigger picture."

"Manuel, money can also be a huge issue for some. Money was my trigger with my addiction, as soon as I got money, I was on the phone to my dealer asking him to drop off my gear. All depends on the individual though."

"I don't often come on this thread. I am the grey man. Not rich, not poor. Life not entirely devoid of difficulty but not much to slow me down and certainly never looked into the abyss. The last ten minutes reading have moved me to tears but also made me immensely proud that stigmas are being torn down and that the closed up 'real men get on with it, without talking about it' indicative of our generations are being torn down. It's also proving that it doesn't have to be all hippy, huggy, over sentimental. Just keep it simple and genuine. Big Love Whoers."

"In fairness Angers, I think mashed aimed that more towards those who seem to drift into mental unhappiness. Yours mate is a bit more of a 'it could break all of us' where positive thinking would be quickly replaced by all sorts i'm guessing? Must take years just to except the fact these things have happened. Well done to you for putting yourself where you needed to be to recover.....I must admit I was thinking here's another person bragging about how they've escaped the rat race and are travelling the world.........how fucking wrong I was on that one! Goes to show never judge a book and all that........"

"''I am VERY lucky, my personal / financial situation means that I could find a way out. Having gone through it, I can completely understand how some people could feel so trapped they feel they cant get out'' Yep, having money makes a big difference and gives you options and a way out. Being depressed is one thing, being depressed AND broke is something else entirely. Than can break a man. Regardless, as you say despite being lucky in that respect, you have still done well to get where you are now, as it sounds like you really did go through the ringer."

"Thanks for the kind words, going to be honest, left 80% of it worst parts out..... I cant explain it but this morning I looked in the mirror and thought to myself ""fuck me, there you are!"" It genuinely feels like someone else has been living in my body for the last five years. I am VERY lucky, my personal / financial situation means that I could find a way out. Having gone through it, I can completely understand how some people could feel so trapped they feel they cant get out. mashed in maryland 1:46 Sat Oct 30 Sorry but I am going to have to pull you up on this, I was MR Positive Mental Attitude. The reason I got the nickname Angry at school was ironic, I was the positive one, I was the one who saw the up side in everything. I been through shit before and brushed it off. I was running club nights at 17, took over my parents large pub hotel at 20. I built 5 online shops in the 2000's which won multiple business awards, these then went under in the recession, sending me bankrupt but came back again to build another successful business. I was the LAST person you would think this could happen too. Then something happened that was out of my control that broke me, I reckon I probably had 3/4 mental breakdowns in the space of 5 years. I had weeks / months where I spent more time in bed than out of it. Was literally doing zoom meetings for work, with senior people, without them knowing I was still in bed smoking a blunt..... crying. This shit can happen to anyone, given the wrong chain of events, and once you are in it, it takes a fuck ton of positive mental attitude to just crawl out of it. Until you have been there, you have no idea."

"Angry, That's some bloody story. So pleased to hear you've ""found yourself"" again, and what you went through is totally understandable IMO. IF you ever want to have a chat mate, without any judgement whomail me please."