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"Been through bad time lately with suffering with this. Dark thoughts as well. I know some posters on here suffer with this. Anyone come through the other side of this shit?

"A number of posters have been yellow carded and told to stay off this thread unless they have anything constructive to add.This is a thread that has been very useful to so many, for any other posters with scores to settle, argue on another thread. This thread is sacrosant.Thank you"

Kind words pony and seems you have the minerals too. At some point I'd love to meet up with everyone. Maybe if we vet marseille or Monaco in europa then it will be on my manor but if not I'm sure I'd be back before Xmas at some point anyway just to get some reality checks. Today is an OK day. I think my behaviour has affected my son so that don't feel good. He feels a bit distant but I don't blame him. I'm hanging in there. I can joke and now can actually watch a programme if it interests me. So my brain is certainly interacting. Just the depression bit to overcome next. Hard to explain. I'm keeping busy. I'll even start ironing or cleaning when I'm feeling low just to take my mind off it. I think if you watched me you would think I appear erratic cos I gotta keep busy. I'll move a book a few times to make sure it's level. But that's cos I've stopped the valium. 6 of them a day was never gonna be easy to shake off. Not interested in booze. Just keeping active. Walking. Cleaning and ironing. Lol no wonder I'm depressed. I live facing the beach ffs. Next step next week is going for swims. Been warned not to yet until I get heart check cos apparently a jump into a cold bath or sea during withdrawals could shock my heart. I'll let u know when I'm doing it.

Glad you made it through Pony son. Keep on keeping on mate.

"Firstly, I’m amazed I’m still here right now. I had a complete shutdown a couple of weeks back and thought that was it. Reading this thread always helps me though. Pentonville, you’ve done the hard yards mate, and you can do the rest. I believe you’ve got the strength of the mind to do this fella. You seem like an absolute trooper to me. I’d be up for a chat if you need it mate. I’d also be well up for meeting some of you fellas in a pub to have a few slurps. Sounds like a stellar idea."

Pentonville 10:51 Thu Oct 7 That's good news as IH posted a one hour kip can recharge the batteries and get the stress levels down

"Hi Pentonville Don’t underestimate the really restorative benefits of having a one hour nap/ lie down/ or even just a lights out & phone turned off break in the afternoon. As you said yourself by the end of the day you feel exhausted. That’s completely natural as your head is like a washing machine going all the time. To allow yourself the time to unplug will really recharge the batteries and help you keep pushing thru. Your doing so well, please take the time to congratulate your for that. Well done mate"

Thailand is coming off of the red list on 11 of October. Which is good news . I was dreading my kids doing quarantine in HCMC. Even as a seasoned flyer that airport is a nightmare mainly the staff

"cheers Si..... yeah i have been approached by Marv Herbert and J english whom i must have contacted when off my head. problem is do i want the fall out. will that send me into a spiral or will it clear my head. lots of thinking to do... had a big pressure today regarding my boy but resisted any meds or booze so feel quite proud tonight. its thanks to all u lot i tell u. not out of woods but everyday i wake i feel positive. wont lie, by end of day i feel a bit exhausted and a bit like, whats my role in life now and what do i do but i promise to reach out if those thoughts get dark again."

"Great to hear you’re doing alright now Penters , you have an interesting story that needs to be told . Glad to hear Jon & 67 are coming through their battles too , there is no shame in any of this as Irish says , be lucky Gents ."

That's good idea we can do a Jonesville in a boozer

"I'd be up for that, Sniper."

"Thats so great to hear Pentonville and Jon, we’ll done to both of you Genuinely wish I could get everyone from this thread in a pub somewhere and sit down for a pint and a chat about it all. This group is so helpful and it’s so great to hear all the positive outcomes when they happen Could do with some of that myself at the moment!"

"Pentonville, Jon you both should be very proud of what you've achieved and how far you've come! Love to see it!"

"Good for you Pents. I have now got a six week session, one each week to help with stress and mood management and on a waiting list for one to one therapy for depression. The support on here and by my friends has really helped and I feel a lot more positive than I did eight weeks ago. I feel proud and not ashamed but understand those who do. Good luck to anyone reading this thread who is struggling. Cheers Jon"

Thank you gents

"Pentonville 4:45 Mon Oct 4 Nothing to be ashamed of mate. Its good days and some days where I am really tired of it all, not in a killing myself way but it all being over not being such a bad prospect. 6 years since I started getting sick in Singapore"

"Pentonville 4:45 Mon Oct 4 Nothing to be ashamed of mate. Its good days and some days where I am really tired of it all, not in a killing myself way but it all being over not being such a bad prospect. 6 years since I started getting sick in Singapore"

"Irish nails it there pentonville Every other thread on here is just everyone mouthing off at each other and trading insults But you can see how serious everyone takes mental health when you look at the genuine support on this thread. There’s no shame. No one is ashamed to have a serious, acute or terminal medical condition. Mental health is no different. Hang in there fella, we’re all here for you"

"""i am ashamed"" Please delete that thought from your head straight away. There is nothing to be ashamed about when you stand up and fight and give it all you can. You are a warrior who has fought thru the hardest time of his life and is still fighting, and starting, inch by inch, to win. And you will win. I don't know you, but I've been there myself and when you look back you will have immense pride in what you have done to be standing here today. Huge respect to you. Phil."

"67, i am currently awakening from the worst 6 weeks of my life. I was on the brink. I saw no way back. Very good people kept bugging me and texting me (u know who you are) and kept me talking for days and it keot me hanging in there. My wife then finally took the decision to call an ambulance and from that point onwards things have started to clear. i wont say im out of the woods but i see a point to everything again. i am ashamed. i am scared but im proud to still be here. You are made of much stronger minerals than me and you also talk about it alot which is powerful. please get better so we can both talk to one another this chirstmas and look back at all this and say ""fucking hell what was that all about"". my goal is xmas. I want to be sitting with my family in a healthy state. big shout out to Panama, Block and everyone else. 67, u are strong as an ox and have so much to fight for."

"Thanks you gents. I got my my head tuned by a job in Myanmar which i next door to where I live but we decided its best for me to stay here and carry on with plan which will take 4 or 5 months more which is nothing in the big picture, I told the Mrs today I will be off to play veterans 7s football tournaments again Penang March 22 in Saigon November 22. I have to have a brain scan and a cognitive test within the next few months"

All the best 67 much love mate

"Hang in there 67 it'll all come good mate, we're all rooting for you COYI"

Tough love was Nurse suggested funny enough . Read the blue writing in the OP this not a playground

"I had a phone appointment with a neurologist today he is going to get a scan done for me he told me the psychiatrist is very worried about me. I got to the ""Enlightenment "" or serenity part of medication for and long period of time in about May 19 . There is no grief, pain, happiness, sadness just a sense of ""Being"" and it comforting as you are aware that's where we all end up part of the universe again . For 2 days after that I was going to top myself as I realised as Buddha said everything in life in temporary including grief . I told the latter to the psychiatrist and he put me on urgent list for medication"

"Gautama Buddha. "" What comes easy wont last long what lasts long wont come easy"" Pink Floyd ""Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older Shorter of breath and one day closer to death."" Its about which comes first either way its over"