Page 168 of 361
New Limerick Thread
Posted: 30 Aug 2014, 19:44
by les marteaux
Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 03 Jan 2018, 18:17
by Helmut Shown
A young inventor called Bass Made a lighter using methane GAS But the lighter corroded And eventually exploded On leaking a critical mass He thought the brown spot was a mole
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 03 Jan 2018, 18:13
by Helmut Shown
A young inventor called Bass Made a lighter using methane But the lighter corroded And eventually exploded On leaking a critical mass He thought the brown spot was a mole That appeared right near his bumhole
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 03 Jan 2018, 13:59
by arsene york-hunt
"Whilst down on one knee to propose, He farted - and nobody knows... What happened next, But I've just got a text And was told that she was on her toes. A young inventor called Bass Made a lighter using methane gas"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 02 Jan 2018, 18:05
by Mike Oxsaw
"There was a young lady Miss Hunt, Who went for a ride on a punt. The pricker, a rasta, Was ordered ""Go faster!"" He responded ""Girl, you've got some front!"" Whilst down on one knee to propose, He farted - and nobody knows..."
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 02 Jan 2018, 14:01
by arsene york-hunt
"A hooker whilst out earning cash, To pay for some bangers and mash, And while out of course Bought a bottle of sauce, And some ointment to put on her gash. There was a young lady Miss Hunt, Who went for a ride on a punt."
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2018, 22:10
by Mike Oxsaw
"I want to start the new year, With a lim'rick about an old queer But four men were slain, And nobody's sayin', The reason it's happening here. A hooker whilst out earning cash, To pay for some bangers and mash,"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2018, 18:17
by arsene york-hunt
"I took my wife out to the mall Then went to the pub with a pal I was quite pissed still When she showed me the bill I think then I had a grand mal. I want to start the new year, With a lim'rick about an old queer"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2018, 16:11
by Mike Oxsaw
If we lose once again Tuesday night This will not improve our plight The signs are all there: The board just don't care If we parachute out the top flight. I took my wife out to the mall Then went to the pub with a pal
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 01 Jan 2018, 14:54
by Helmut Shown
"It's said Sergei Rachmaninoff , Had an affair with a young toff. He was left on his jack Cause he's crap in the sack Now he sits and wanks himself off If we lose once again Tuesday night This will not improve our plight"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2017, 15:20
by arsene york-hunt
"I'm not going out with the jerks To go ""Ooh!"" and ""Aah!"" at fireworks So my plans for tonight Will be an early night, After a doner, bought from the Turks. It's said Sergei Rachmaninoff , Had an affair with a young toff."
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2017, 15:20
by arsene york-hunt
"I'm not going out with the jerks To go ""Ooh!"" and ""Aah!"" at fireworks So my plans for tonight Will be an early night, After a doner, bought from the Turks. It's said Sergei Rachmaninoff , Had an affair with a young toff."
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2017, 15:01
by Mike Oxsaw
"The philosopher Rene Descartes Put an advert in Exchange and Mart It read ""If you please,"" ""Can you sell me some knees?"" ""That keep arse and foot far apart."" I'm not going out with the jerks To go ""Ooh!"" and ""Aah!"" at fireworks"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 31 Dec 2017, 14:41
by arsene york-hunt
"My farts reek to heaven above Up my arris' a finger i'll shove It's the baked beans I think, That are causing the stink, Does nothing for brotherly love, The philosopher Rene Descartes Put an advert in Exchange and Mart"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 30 Dec 2017, 15:15
by cup of tea
I know what I'm talking about. You're THICK so I may have to SHOUT! You see you just don't get it Just fuck off and fucking forget it You jumped up little smelly old trout My farts reek to heaven above Up my arris' a finger i'll shove
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 29 Dec 2017, 22:36
by Mike Oxsaw
"A lone cowboy riding the range To an injun squaw dis something strange He laid down his rifle And knocked up a trifle. For ""Westerns"" this made quite a change. I know what I'm talking about. You're THICK so I may have to SHOUT!"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 29 Dec 2017, 19:49
by arsene york-hunt
"A Scotsman was sat in his kilt Down which hot cocoa he spilt The stain was quite clear And looked like diarrhoea, On such things that rumours are built. A lone cowboy riding the range To an injun squaw dis something strange"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 29 Dec 2017, 19:11
by Helmut Shown
"I quite like a classical tune The Planets, or songs of the Moon But my taste forbids That the dirge sung by yids From enjoying that, i'm immune A Scotsman was sat in his kilt Down which hot cocoa he spilt"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 29 Dec 2017, 18:34
by Mike Oxsaw
"He slipped naked in his bed one night But then thought that he could smell shite It has to be said He was in the wrong bed But shitting it still isn't right. I quite like a classical tune The Planets, or songs of the Moon"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 29 Dec 2017, 18:17
by Helmut Shown
"Many of the Limericks I've viewed Unsurprisingly are downright crude You'd have it as as banker That ""fuck,"" ""cսnt"" and ""wanker"" In this sort of rhyme are imbued He slipped naked in his bed one night But then thought that he could smell shite"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 29 Dec 2017, 14:35
by arsene york-hunt
"Admiring his next door neighbour's wife Seemed to cause Reginald quite some strife, So he got his mate Frank, To give him a wank, In the suburbs this kind of thing's rife. Many of the Limericks I've viewed Unsurprisingly are downright crude"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 29 Dec 2017, 12:28
by Far East Hammer
"A Mexican from Chichen Itza, Turned to his girl and said Your tits are..... Truly enormous And also sumptuous Or are you wearing a wonderbra !? Admiring his next door neighbour's wife Seemed to cause Reginald quite some strife"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 28 Dec 2017, 14:09
by arsene york-hunt
"He's dropped to another division So Pulis attracts more derision A real chavy chap Who wears a baseball cap, It was money which drove his decision. A Mexican from Chichen Itza, Turned to his girl and said Your tits are....."
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 28 Dec 2017, 10:35
by Helmut Shown
A young man who comes from Beijing. Came to London to try Cottaging. But he made a big boob Forgetting the lube Went home with a very sore ring He's dropped to another division So Pulis attracts more derision
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 27 Dec 2017, 19:11
by arsene york-hunt
"The ""experts"" on Match of the Day Their views do nothing but dismay If it's not some fool, Who supports Liverpool It's Lineker, I'm certain he's gay. A young man who comes from Beijing. Came to London to try Cottaging."
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 27 Dec 2017, 18:53
by Helmut Shown
"The end of the year fast approaches But here, we still have useless coaches Our team they can't mend Or teach to defend And proliferate just like cockroaches The ""experts"" on Match of the Day Their views do nothing but dismay"