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New Limerick Thread
Posted: 30 Aug 2014, 19:44
by les marteaux
Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 14 Sep 2015, 04:33
by Far East Hammer
There was a young lad called Eamon Went to put on a curse with a Shaman Its effect was a lot On now drowned Will Sinnott So now the young lad's on the run Livingstone set off for the Nile Told his kin he'd be gone a while
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 13 Sep 2015, 13:49
by Saul Bollox
"A flexible fellow called Jock Was able to suck his own cock While sucking his knob He came round his gob, And cleaned up the mess with his sock. There was a young lad called Eamon Went to put on a curse with a Shaman"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 13 Sep 2015, 04:49
by Monk~koknee
There once was a pervert called Mark Who prowled round the Olympic Park. He'd been very chipper Since they'd made him the skipper But he could only go out after dark A flexible fellow called Jock Was able to suck his own cock
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 13 Sep 2015, 01:07
by Saul Bollox
"I remember when i was a lad You could walk down Green Street and be glad But nowadays if you, Can not parlez Urdu, You're a foreigner, which is quite sad. There once was a pervert called Mark Who prowled round the Olympic Park."
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 23:50
by cosmo smallpiece
Whoever the septics deign to pick Their next President will be a dick Now try as i may I just cant fail to say That this is the worst limerick. I remember when i was a lad You could walk down Green Street and be glad
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 11 Sep 2015, 18:01
by Far East Hammer
There was a young man called Cliffy In a brothel could not get a stiffy His whore gave him Viagra So that he could bang her Though truth be told he came in a jiffy Whoever the septics deign to pick Their next President will be a dick
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 21:52
by Saul Bollox
"My working life is now done I need a place in the sun, I think I might pick A house in Jaywick, I've heard it would be quite fun. There was a young man called Cliffy In a brothel could not get a stiffy"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 20:59
by Helmut Shown
The Sultan's wife number 3 While making love wanted a pee In a great fit of pique He rewarded her leak With a cliteridectomy My working life is now done I need a place in the sun
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 20:51
by Saul Bollox
A young man was out with his dog On the pavement it dropped a large log A look left and right and he was into flight And he left the shit there in the fog. The Sultan's wife number 3 While making love wanted a pee
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 16:51
by Helmut Shown
"A scotsman called Hamish McDuff, One evening picked up a bit of fluff Now she is in labour After tossing his caber And letting him into her muff A young man was out with his dog On the pavement it dropped a large log"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 16:06
by Saul Bollox
"Charles suffers the waiting in pain Enduring his mother's long reign, He says with a sigh, I wish she would die Her longevity drives me insane. A scotsman called Hamish McDuff, One evening picked up a bit of fluff"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 14:32
by ,
We thought Radcliffe paused for a shit But really she was taking a hit Her record still stands Thanks to monkey glands And the nodes from a G'rilla's armpit Charles suffers the waiting in pain Enduring his mother's long reign
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 13:57
by Agent Scud
As the Jet burned I fled in haste Cabin baggage in my arms placed I wouldn't have to swelter If I'd just flown with Delta And I'd get to a see a Muslim maced. We thought Radcliffe just paused for a shit But really she was taking a hit
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 13:57
by Agent Scud
As the Jet burned I fled in haste Cabin baggage in my arms placed I wouldn't have to swelter If I'd just flown with Delta And I'd get to a see a Muslim maced. We thought Radcliffe just paused for a shit But really she was taking a hit
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 13:35
by ,
Filing his claim for expenses The MP's fraud commences We all make a fuss 'Cos he represents us Yet another of his pretences As the Jet burned I fled in haste Cabin baggage in my arms placed
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 05:54
by Far East Hammer
It was the night I was up for election I experience an enormous erection My PA's on hand To relieve my gland Giving me great satisfaction Filing his claim for expenses The MP's fraud commences
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 04:04
by Monk~koknee
"Whilst I was being orally pleased Unfortunately my girlfriend sneezed I felt quite a nip As she bit off the tip But no matter, it was badly diseased It was the night I was up for election I experience an enormous erection"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Sep 2015, 03:54
by Far East Hammer
"There once was a very young Aussie Who saved for a month for a prozzie. But he yelled out more than ""streuth!"" When he discovered the truth That she'd grown up as a bloke called Ainslee Whilst I was being orally pleased Unfortunately my girlfriend sneezed"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 09 Sep 2015, 22:09
by Saul Bollox
I don't want to do any time I think I know the perfect crime But enough from me It's pure fantasy I'm off to my work as a mime. There once was a very young Aussie Who saved for a month for a prozzie.
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 09 Sep 2015, 17:08
by Far East Hammer
Two pensioners Alfie and Frank Thought they'd rob the local Lloyds Bank A half-brick in a sock A Heckler & Koch And a getaway buggie that stank I don't want to do any time I think I know the perfect crime
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 09 Sep 2015, 15:56
by Monk~koknee
While trying out a Jet Ski one day My missus got carried away Staryed out of the zone Got zapped by a drone I was left with the deposit to pay Two pensioners Alfie and Frank Thought they'd rob the local Lloyds Bank
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 09 Sep 2015, 15:44
by cosmo smallpiece
On my yacht to impress my bird Vic Things went pear shaped as I got sea sick But Vic saved the show As she went down below And brought happiness to my dick. While trying out a Jet Ski one day My missus got carried away
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 09 Sep 2015, 15:35
by Far East Hammer
"Captain Pugwash said ""okay me hearties"" ""Lets dish out the rations of Smarties"" Washed down with rum They were not glum For this is the making of parties On my yacht to impress my bird Vic Things went pear shaped as I got sea sick"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 09 Sep 2015, 15:30
by cosmo smallpiece
"Out fishing upon the high seas I incurred some painful injuries. Got whacked by a mast Spent 3 weeks in a cast And contracted a nasty disease Captain Pugwash said ""okay me hearties"" ""Lets dish out the rations of Smarties"""
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 08 Sep 2015, 16:58
by Saul Bollox
"I made a right fucking old mess Of monster hunting at Loch Ness Missed sighting of Nessie As I'd gone for my tea, Sandwiches, salmon, cucumber, cress..... Out fishing upon the high seas I incurred some painful injuries."