Page 313 of 361
New Limerick Thread
Posted: 30 Aug 2014, 19:44
by les marteaux
Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Mar 2015, 06:29
by Coffee
A ventriloquist dummy called Clive Hosted Drivetime on Radio 5 He laughed at the traffic reports And the delays at airports While the hand up his arse made him jive. The boss was called BFS What that stood for you never could guess
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Mar 2015, 05:40
by Monk~koknee
Having had too much to drink I blocked up my girlfriend's sink I needed to hasten To unblock the basin Which was not quite as hard as you'd think A ventriloquist dummy called Clive Hosted Drivetime on Radio 5
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 10 Mar 2015, 02:37
by Far East Hammer
A young man from Bialystok Used to keep all his cash in a sock At the laundry he forgot And on spin dry lost the lot Leaving him feeling a right cock Having had too much to drink I blocked up my girlfriend's sink
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 07 Mar 2015, 15:06
by Saul Bollox
"Now, once, in my town, was a man Who had an extrord'nary van, He had lots of lip, And he voted UKIP And they say he supported West Ham. A young man from Bialystok Used to keep all his cash in a sock"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 07 Mar 2015, 14:39
by Joke Whole
"Yesterday while in a public lav, I was being eyed by a big chav As he was in the trap first, (I guess) It could have been worse So I fucked off with all that I have. Now, once, in my town, was a man Who had an extrord'nary van"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 07 Mar 2015, 14:03
by Saul Bollox
"One of my great dislikes Is nighttime noisy motor bikes, And also these days I hate mincing gays And those ""looks like a builder"" bull dykes. Yesterday while in a public lav, I was being eyed by a big chav"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 07 Mar 2015, 10:13
by Helmut Shown
There once was a planner could Jean Wanted houses where Fords had once been No if ands or buts Thatched mud huts For those with an African lean One of my great dislikes Is nighttime noisy motor bikes
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 07 Mar 2015, 09:00
by Monk~koknee
"My keyboard, it just has to go I sometimes press ""I"" but get ""O"" No Escape and no End I've no Home my friend I'm out of Control, cheerio There once was a planner could Jean Wanted houses where Fords had once been"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 07 Mar 2015, 08:07
by Joke Whole
"A man with huge whiskers called Sears Had given up shaving for years ""I've grown quite attached,"" ""To a mouth that is thatched,"" ""It puts off the benders and queers."" My keyboard, it just has to go I sometimes press ""I"" but get ""O"""
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 07 Mar 2015, 05:00
by Monk~koknee
"""Can you tell me the way to the station"" Said a young girl with some consternation ""Police, bus or train"" The chap did refrain ""I cannot tell without clarification"" A man with huge whiskers called Sears Had given up shaving for years"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 07 Mar 2015, 02:20
by cosmo smallpiece
"A scouser once thought it a hoot Setting light to his best mate's shell suit It went up in a flash Then singed his moustache And burnt this perm to the root ""Can you tell me the way to the station"" Said a young girl with some consternation"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 18:14
by Saul Bollox
"A drummer who once missed a beat Decided he couldn't compete, He hung up his sticks Shot up a big fix After posting a last farewell tweet. A scouser once thought it a hoot Setting light to his best mate's shell suit"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 17:26
by Joke Whole
"A young girl from Vishkhapatnam, Who covered her fanny with jam. Trying to preserve Her virginal nerve She fell for that ages old scam A drummer who once missed a beat Decided he couldn't compete"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 17:06
by Saul Bollox
"A young girl from Vishkhapatnam, Who covered her fanny with jam."
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 15:11
by Saul Bollox
"After having a poo It's always one wipe too few On my bed sheet. Skid marks are replete And upon my underpants too. A young girl Vishkhapatnam, Who covered her fanny with jam."
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 14:32
by Helmut Shown
"She asked, ""You like hairy or bare?"" ""As long as it works, I don't care"", ""You can do as you wish As it don't smell of fish And it's warm and it's wet and it's there"" After having a poo It's always one wipe too few"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 13:35
by Joke Whole
"The was footballer called Harry Kane Who struggled to say ""what times the train"" My colour ain't wrong, So they WILL let me on To see that you don't need no brain. She asked, ""You like hairy or bare?"" ""As long as it works, I don't care"","
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 12:55
by One Word
"There was a poster called coffee Whose rhymes were a little bit offy Some say he's a prick Others call him a dick I only know him as Coffee The was footballer called Harry Kane Who struggled to say ""what times the train"""
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 12:55
by One Word
"There was a poster called coffee Whose rhymes were a little bit offy Some say he's a prick Others call him a dick I only know him as Coffee The was footballer called Harry Kane Who struggled to say ""what times the train"""
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 12:50
by cosmo smallpiece
The heat is on in Saigon The girls are hotter than hell I have no fucking clue How this limerick thing works So I'm making it up as I go There was a poster called coffee Whose rhymes were a little bit offy
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 07:18
by Coffee
"The heat here is doing my nut So, I'm off for a savage hair cut. If geography's gone to the skunk Always depend on old Monk And learn to keep your trap shut. The heat is on in Saigon The girls are hotter than hell"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 07:11
by Joke Whole
"From Calcutta to Darjeeling, I have done my share of healing. ""You've got a sore head?"" ""Then get off to bed!"" ""Just lie there and stare at the ceiling."" The heat here is doing my nut So, I'm off for a savage hair cut."
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 07:03
by Coffee
"An Indian chap from Assam Ate nothing but old curried spam He then moved to Calcutta Because he was a right old nutter And spent the rest of his life supporting West Ham. From Calcutta to Darjeeling, I have done my share of healing"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 06 Mar 2015, 06:59
by Monk~koknee
"An old wife, on laundry day said That lost sock has turned my whites red Husband Bill did announce ""Look rather than Bounce"" You've thrown in your tampon instead An Indian chap from Assam Ate nothing but old curried spam"
Re: New Limerick Thread
Posted: 05 Mar 2015, 20:19
by Joke Whole
"Whilst walking along down the front, I saw and incredible stunt Two men and some goats Were getting their oats... I'm sure that's the cause of the grunt. An old wife, on laundry day said That lost sock has turned my whites red"