West Ham Online

 I was just fired from my job marking exam papers. Can’t understand it, I always gave 110%.

Sad news from the Nestle factory today.
A night shift worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking. He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted 'The Milky Bars are on me' his colleagues just cheered.

I don't care if this gets me fired but Charlie Kirk had it coming.

My name is Graham Potter and I am the manager of West Ham Utd.

I was sat on the edge of my bed last night pulling off my boxers, when my wife said, "you spoil those dogs".

Jose Mourinho has distanced himself from becoming West Ham’s next manager.

Asked by a reporter if he could see himself being able to work with chairman David Sullivan, Mourinho replied  “I’m not THAT fucking special “.

A geordie lass went to the hairdresser and asked for a perm.

The hairdresser replied, "I wandered lernly as a clood".

I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a pickle last night.

She was gherkin off. 

Greta Thunberg is doing a wonderful job for climate change as every time she appears on the TV news over a millon people switch off!

Prince Harry has been all smiles as he returned to the UK to meet with his father. Reports say he will also visit King Charles if there’s time.

Stephen Hawking once went on a date a few years back. He was dressed smartly, his wheelchair was all polished and he was looking very presentable. It didn't go at all well though as upon his return he came back with bloody knees and his glasses smashed. Apparently she stood him up.

A few years ago l went on Stars In Your Eyes with my uncle. He was missing both legs an arm and a big chunk of his skull.

Anyway we’re behind the curtain and Matthew Kelly says “And who are you here as tonight” ?

l said… “Simon and half uncle”

I took my nan to one of those spas where the fish eat all your dead skin.
It took ages and cost £60.
Still,it was a lot cheaper than a funeral.

My Great Grandfather told me he saw the Titanic and from the very beginning he warned all the people that it was going to sink, but nobody would listen.....He as a brave man though and would not give up.....he implored them time and time again and begged them to listen to him.....

.....in the end he got thrown out of the Cinema....

A gecko was strolling through the jungle and a pungent smell hit his nostrils.He looked up see a large baboon up a big baobab tree smoking a large spliff. The baboon invites the little fella to join him.
After a few good tokes the gecko gets a thirst and goes down to the river for a drink .A crocodile swims past and the gecko tells him about the baboon .
"A baboon smoking a spliff?? I have to see this!!" and pulls himself out of the the river - he gets to the bottom of the tree and the baboon takes a large drag and says "Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!! How much water did you drink??""

My mate.Gordon Morgan had hell of job introducing himself when he was in Germany But not.as much trouble as the other lad Jim Apple had in France.

A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff…..……….. Ba-dum-tss!

Two explorers are driving through the African Savannah when their jeep suddenly conks out. They get out and one of them keeps watch while the other pops the bonnet. The steam rises up indicating that the engine has overheated. They have no water to put in the engine and so, being only half a mile from camp, they decide to walk. 

After five minutes they walk through some trees to a clearing and one of them stops. 
"What's wrong?" asks the other. 
"Look" and he points off to the right into a clearing. 

There, 200 yards away, is the biggest, meanest, scariest lion they have ever seen. With scars all over him and drool dripping from his huge fangs. He is staring them down and they know he has targeted them. The lion then, slowly, starts to edge towards them, stalking and watching. With that, the explorer that first spotted the lion, takes off his rucksack and puts it down. He then takes off his boots and pulls out a pair of Nike running trainers. 

"What are you doing?" asks the other explorer, "You can't outrun a lion, even if you are wearing running trainers."

"I know I can't outrun a a lion," he replies calmly, "But I can outrun you."

XKhammer wrote: ↑30 Dec 2024, 17:21

BillyJenningsBoots wrote: ↑29 Dec 2024, 23:15

XKhammer wrote: ↑28 Dec 2024, 18:55 Who is going to be the first to  ask David Moyes to come back?

Manchester United,West Ham or Everton?

 

I have to agree with Mike, surely this should either be on the Next Manager or Lopetegui threads... mostly because its in no way funny... you dont seem to understand the structural elements of a joke..  for example there doesnt seem to be a punchline... rather than "Manchester United,West Ham or Everton" a funnier line might be : Ive heard Lopetegui wants to offer him the job!?!

Baddum tish!

Go buy yourself a sense if humour 

BillyJenningsBoots wrote: ↑29 Dec 2024, 23:15

XKhammer wrote: ↑28 Dec 2024, 18:55 Who is going to be the first to  ask David Moyes to come back?

Manchester United,West Ham or Everton?

 

I have to agree with Mike, surely this should either be on the Next Manager or Lopetegui threads... mostly because its in no way funny... you dont seem to understand the structural elements of a joke..  for example there doesnt seem to be a punchline... rather than "Manchester United,West Ham or Everton" a funnier line might be : Ive heard Lopetegui wants to offer him the job!?!

Baddum tish!

XKhammer wrote: ↑29 Dec 2024, 22:47

Mike Oxsaw" wrote: ↑29 Dec 2024, 04:17 Interesting interpretation on the purpose of the thread: traditionally the joke is the post, not the poster. Good Darts!

Troll and stalk me somewhere else you unfunny gout tridden brass bonking horrible old fart 

BillyJenningsBoots wrote: ↑29 Dec 2024, 23:15

XKhammer wrote: ↑28 Dec 2024, 18:55 Who is going to be the first to  ask David Moyes to come back?

Manchester United,West Ham or Everton?

 

I have to agree with Mike, surely this should either be on the Next Manager or Lopetegui threads... mostly because its in no way funny... you dont seem to understand the structural elements of a joke..  for example there doesnt seem to be a punchline... rather than "Manchester United,West Ham or Everton" a funnier line might be : Ive heard Lopetegui wants to offer him the job!?!

Baddum tish!

XKhammer wrote: ↑28 Dec 2024, 18:55 Who is going to be the first to  ask David Moyes to come back?

Manchester United,West Ham or Everton?

 

Mike Oxsaw" wrote: ↑29 Dec 2024, 04:17 Interesting interpretation on the purpose of the thread: traditionally the joke is the post, not the poster. Good Darts!

Interesting interpretation on the purpose of the thread: traditionally the joke is the post, not the poster. Good Darts!

Who is going to be the first to  ask David Moyes to come back?

Manchester United,West Ham or Everton?

Me and the misses bought a dog from our local blacksmiths who happens to have a side line business in breeding dogs.

Lively thing tho, no sooner we got it home it made a bolt for the door!