West Ham Online

"A rather sorry incident happened earlier. I was in dire need of a massive shit whilst at a mates so had to make my way to his shitter. Pushing said poo out not only hurt my anus ring causing soreness and sweating but after three flush attempts the offending beast still didn't want to fuck off. Rather than have to explain myself I scooped it up with big roll and chucked it out of the bathroom window on to his lawn. Now, as much as I got away with this when matey does go in to his garden he is going to see that it was not a dog or cat that done this but a human. Hopefully he just thinks someone jumped his fence during the night and took a massive dump. I am not sure it was the right thing to do"

Talking of portable loos (Portaloos) my mate was in St.John's Ambulance and would attend all sorts of functions like steam rallies etc. They christened the Portaloo a 'Turdis'

Years ago I worked in an office above a shop on Great Portland Street. The door was set back a bit but had an iron gate in front of it. One day someone (not me) forgot to close the gate so a tramp made his bed on the doorstep and left behind a massive shit. The poor lady who was the office manager was tasked with removing the massive shit. She wasn’t best pleased and resigned soon after.

All very amusing. Not at all sad like spending a decade or two posting shit on a West Ham football forum if you are a closet foreskin botherer or rent boy. That is very sad.

Steaming turd as opposed to turf

"I used to work with a fella who owned an old Morris marina with a door that wouldn't shut properly so it could easily be prised open. He lived in a flat above some shops with a social club at the rear which is where be used to park his car. He turned up late for work one morning and in a rage as during the night the marina had been prised open by some passing pisshead or vagrant and a big steaming turf deposited on the passenger seat. An old copy of Dalton's weekly that had been on the back seat appeared to of been used as makeshift bog role and discarded in the footwell area, probably as an afterthought the miscreant had also raided the glove box of various items including Murray mints, anti freeze a pack of condoms (ribbed) and several cassette tapes although as my pal was at point out he left the best Phil Collins one behind.(no jacket required) From that day on following a bit of a clean up operation and the door finally getting fixed (sort of) that old Marina was affectionaly known as Shitty Shitty Bang Bang by all who sailed in her."

"Sleazy Bell-End 11.49..l take it ""the arse blaster hose"" is a chick with a dick!"

The correct term is GARY GUN

"Any time I've been in Thailand, one of the things I miss is the arse blaster hose (I hate the term bum gun)."

"I don't like shitting in other people's bogs because at home, I use a bum gun. After using that, khasi paper just isn't up to the job. When I use an outside shithouse, the first thing I do on getting home, is to go and wash my arse."

Chinny Reckon ?ü§î

"Mods, lock this SHIT."

(nt)

Still going with that crap are you Joyce..

Why did you have a big roll in there with you? Juts returned from Subway?

Sleazy Bell-End l bet that cubicle was in a public toilet with glory holes and didn't stop your scat fun

I once went into a cubicle at work about 30 years ago to find someone had smeared the words 'NO PAPER' on the wall in shit. You missed the opportunity to do something similar. Maybe the crossed hammers.

"At this point, I feel I should add my (real) anecdote about the bloke stuck in a flat late at night with no access to the loo, and what happened then with the kitchen sink and the potato masher. But maybe I won't.?ü§¢"

Mr Burns dumped his peppledashed shitter in the public courtyard of his millionaire apartment I tend to recall years back when re-fitting out his bathrooms. Beast

This was a scenario on a recent Australian comedy on bbc two where a dog gets run over….

Remember reading that Susannah Constantine (Trinny & Susannah) laid an enormous log at a royal event and Princess Margaret turned up with an ivory handled cake slice to chop the offending doings into flushable portions. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/royal-family/susannah-constantine-princess-margaret-toilet-b2200716.html

Hilarious. I was recently told about stomping in Western Australia that cleaners of Miners Dongers (portacabins) have to inspect for. Miners come back to their digs after a shift and literally drop a log as they take a shower and stomp it down the plug hole with their feet. Maybe you could have adapted that technique by using your mates toothbrush to squash your Mr Hanky down the plug hole

Hilarious. I was recently told about stomping in Western Australia that cleaners of Miners Dongers (portacabins) have to inspect for. Miners come back to their digs after a shift and literally drop a log as they take a shower and stomp it down the plug hole with their feet. Maybe you could have adapted that technique by using your mates toothbrush to squash your Mr Hanky down the plug hole

chopped/sliced?? This is not a recipe.

New Ecofreindly Low water usage toilets not enough pressure… Should have chopped/sliced it into smaller pieces…

I think you're mate will get to the bottom of this