Football Predictions So Important That They Need Their Own Thread (14th - 16th March 2026)

[Mike Oxsaw]

Premier League
Saturday, 14 March 2026 12:30
West Ham United v Manchester City
Venue: The London Stadium
League Positions: 18 v 2
Current Forms: 25 v 35

Dare we dream? I mean...DARE we???

Carlsberg did football for us last week and, for me, the buzz is still a-buzzin'. City though, still title chasing and likely to be mightily pissed off at losing in Europe won't be no slouches. We seem to have hit a patch of form though and, though, historically this has a loss for us written all over it, a draw is not out of the question.

Nah! Fuck it! Fade & die another day, 007. From Rush Green With Love:

Prediction: Home Win

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Premier League
Saturday, 14 March 2026 15:00
Burnley v A. F. C. Bournemouth
Venue: Turf Moor
League Positions: 19 v 9
Current Forms: 6 v 19

Hard to see Burnley amassing many more points - the spectre of relegation is still hanging around Turf Moor, but you never know. Probably depends to a great part on which Bournemouth show up. Common sense/history says a win for the visitors, but "hard" is not the same as "impossible":

Prediction: Draw

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Premier League
Saturday, 14 March 2026 15:00
Crystal Palace v Leeds United
Venue: Selhurst Park
League Positions: 13 v 15
Current Forms: 31 v 10

Her Majesty's got a secret: Palace are as safe as. Leeds, however are only just above the brown stuff - a bit like a national flag on a cocktail stick stuck in a turd as it drifts past you in the Mediterranean. No points for them for this game is what we want, and no points is what they will get:

Prediction: Home Win

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Premier League
Saturday, 14 March 2026 15:00
Manchester United v Aston Villa
Venue: Old Trafford
League Positions: 3 v 4
Current Forms: 26 v 6

CL spot up for grabs in this tie. While Villa will have gained a quantum of solace from wining in Europe, their PL game has somewhat lost it's shine. That win will give them a boost but Carrick's cat will use up another of it's lives to bounce to victory.

Prediction: Home Win

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Premier League
Saturday, 14 March 2026 15:00
Nottingham Forest v Fulham
Venue: City Ground
League Positions: 17 v 10
Current Forms: 8 v 27

Will playing (and losing at home) in Europe help or hinder Forest? Stay tuned, we'll be right back following this word from our sponsor...

"Buy all-new Sunk. The current form that kills 99% of all known football teams!"...

...Welcome back, and I suspect Fulham here will play the iceberg to Forest's Titanic. Nurse! Nurse! Can anything be done? No, doctor, no.

Prediction: Away Win

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Premier League
Saturday, 14 March 2026 15:00
Sunderland v Brighton & Hove Albion
Venue: Stadium of Light
League Positions: 11 v 14
Current Forms: 25 v 21

Why today? This has got Monday evening media contractual obligation match stamped all over it. I'm more bored writing about this game than you are reading any of my drivel, and that takes some doing, I can tell you, matey-peeps. This is no time to lie. Ho hum:

Prediction: Draw.

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Premier League
Saturday, 14 March 2026 16:30
Liverpool v Tottenham Hotspur
Venue: Anfield
League Positions: 6 v 16
Current Forms: 30 v 0

Right. Whatever happens to us in the early game, just sit back and hope Liverpool exact revenge here for their loss in Europe earlier this week.

And yes, that current form for Spurs, a media darling if ever their was one, is correct. Zero

II know plenty of Spurs fans out here in Thailand, but they're all in Bangkok or Pattaya. Actually, there might be just one in the village - bloke from Woodford; mud hut, buffalo, adopted street dog, trophy bride - you all know how it works. I've already set some money aside to buy him a consolation Holstien Leo. Emphatic, one hopes, as just a win is not enough:

Prediction: Home Win

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Premier League
Saturday, 14 March 2026 17:30
Chelsea v Newcastle United
Venue: Stamford Bridge
League Positions: 5 v 12
Current Forms: 25 v 27

Newcastle dropped a single bollock against Barcelona, but Chelsea dropped 5 as they did their very own European Spurs tribute act. League position (and a card or two I suspect) will be the dominant factor. This is not a match for your eyes. Only rent boys and barcodes need bother:

Prediction: Home Win

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Premier League
Sunday, 15 March 2026 14:00
Arsenal v Everton
Venue: Emirates Stadium
League Positions: 1 v 8
Current Forms: 41 v 30

Everton can be stubborn buggers at times and still in with a shout at Europe.  Stubborn enough to make the sky fall in for Arsenal today? I don't think so.

Prediction: Home Win

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Premier League
Monday, 16 March 2026 20:00
Brentford v Wolverhampton Wanderers
Venue: Brentford Community Stadium
League Positions: 7 v 20
Current Forms: 24 v 32

Aha! (Partridge style). now I see why Sunderland v Brighton & Hove Albion is not tonight; far better contractual obligation with this game. Brentford gave us a good game in the cup and will probably take their exit out on Wolves. Will Wolves be down if they lose this? Will we be subject to a view to a kill? Fucked if I know.:

Prediction: Home Win

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Your chance to scare score the living daylights out of me:

West Ham United v Manchester City -
Burnley v A. F. C. Bournemouth -
Crystal Palace v Leeds United -
Manchester United v Aston Villa -
Nottingham Forest v Fulham -
Sunderland v Brighton & Hove Albion -
Liverpool v Tottenham Hotspur -
Chelsea v Newcastle United -
Arsenal v Everton -
Brentford v Wolverhampton Wanderers -

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Diamonds are forever, a bet is just for fun.
(some may not align with my predictions above. If such cases cause you concern, put the usher down and seek a refund from the ticket office).

Manchester City (Away @ West Ham United 13/20)
Brentford (@ Home to Wolverhampton Wanderers 1/2)
Liverpool (@ home to Tottenham Hotspur 3/10)
A. F. C. Bournemouth (Away @ Burnley 5/6)

Total stake: £11.00 Potential returns: £35.89
 

[Mike Oxsaw]

Cheers for that, btw we are playing at 8pm on saturday now.







 

Yep, thanks! Should have known/checked after their last PL game was moved.

You had one job, Ox.. 

Ag Ag Ag. That'll teach me to get over-ambitious in life.

Should have stuck with sanitising office telephones. Got employee of the month award for that. Once.

[Massive Attack]

Cheers for that, btw we are playing at 8pm on saturday now.






 

Yep, thanks! Should have known/checked after their last PL game was moved.

You had one job, Ox.. 

[Mike Oxsaw]

Cheers for that, btw we are playing at 8pm on saturday now.





 

Yep, thanks! Should have known/checked after their last PL game was moved.

Big, big positive for us though as by the time we kick off we'll know how Leeds, Forest and (spit!) Spurs did.

Forest and Spurs play Sunday you're having a mare

 

 

* Hangs head in shame*.

Anyone want to take this over for next time?

...Anyone?

[onsideman]

Cheers for that, btw we are playing at 8pm on saturday now.




 

Yep, thanks! Should have known/checked after their last PL game was moved.

Big, big positive for us though as by the time we kick off we'll know how Leeds, Forest and (spit!) Spurs did.

Forest and Spurs play Sunday you're having a mare

As do Leeds

[fraser]

Cheers for that, btw we are playing at 8pm on saturday now.



 

Yep, thanks! Should have known/checked after their last PL game was moved.

Big, big positive for us though as by the time we kick off we'll know how Leeds, Forest and (spit!) Spurs did.

Forest and Spurs play Sunday you're having a mare

[Mike Oxsaw]

Cheers for that, btw we are playing at 8pm on saturday now.


 

Yep, thanks! Should have known/checked after their last PL game was moved.

Big, big positive for us though as by the time we kick off we'll know how Leeds, Forest and (spit!) Spurs did.

[honky cat]

Cheers for that, btw we are playing at 8pm on saturday now.