"Whilst searching his pockets for change, The old man felt something quite strange. A knife he now saw in his paw After his balls he did re-arrange And said, that's why Mike Oxsaw. Here I sit, broken hearted, Paid a penny and only farted"

"The strikers are down to bare bones The agents have been on their phones The phones are all broke No new players, they tell folk So we're stuck with all the old loans FE Hammer's in Hong Kong And Monk's down in Saigon"

Whilst holidaying in Tobago I developed quite bad lumbago So I visited a nurse in Pigeon Point Who my whole body with tender touch did anoint And sent me running before she got prego. Her breasts were the size of melons They appealed to a whole range of felons