New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[F 129 Row66]

I said to my wife "Shall we fuck?"
She said I was bang out of luck.
Put away yer knob
'Cos I'm on the blob,
And that thing I just will not suck.

Worse for wear after drinking beers,
Was raped on the tube by two queers.

 

[Mike Oxsaw]

Two tier, free gear Kier Starmer,
Is not the squeaky clean charmer.
Looks after his own
While the rest of us groan
The ultimate leftist face-palmer.

I said to my wife "Shall we fuck?"
She said I was bang out of luck.

[F 129 Row66]

So. What sort of things will we get
From Labour's virginal new budget?
You're on a good streak
If asylum you seek,
While the rest of us go into debt.

Two tier, free gear Kier Starmer,
Is not the squeaky clean charmer

[Mike Oxsaw]

He gave us a wonderful thrill.
Our Chrysanthemum Summerville.
When let off the leash
The oppo go "Sheeesh!"
He'll soon begin scoring at will.

So. What sort of things will we get
From Labour's virginal new budget?

[F 129 Row66]

Ten Hag has been given the sack
Now who’s going to take up the slack.
Their fans (who are shite),
Think success is their right,
They can shove that up their arse crack.

He gave us a wonderful thrill.
Our Chrysanthemum Summerville.

[Helmut Shown]

There's one thing that gives me the horn.
It's pages of Japanese porn.
though it’s got to be stated
with their fannies pixilated 
full frontal they look all forlorn

Ten Hag has been given the sack
Now who’s going to take up the slack

[Mike Oxsaw]

Manure have extra men when they play,
Officials have ever been that way.
We get one not yet that far bent
Clearly heaven sent
I doubt in the PL he'll stay.

There's one thing that gives me the horn.
It's pages of Japanese porn.
 

[F 129 Row66]

Fucking hell! The refs must have read my lines for the next Limerick.

[F 129 Row66]

Fucking hell! The refs must have read my lines for the next Limerick.

[F 129 Row66]

The Commonwealth's after our money,
But they sold us the slaves, which is funny,,
Requests perpetuate,
The victimhood state,
They can shove their demands down the dunny.

Manure have extra men when they play,
Officials have ever been that way.

[Mike Oxsaw]

Bad refs are ruining the game
And VAR is the thing that they blame
A brown envelope,
Is our only hope,
But I bet we'll get more of the same.

The Commonwealth's after our money,
But they sold us the slaves, which is funny.

[Helmut Shown]

The spurs 'hard' men did very well.
A handbags fight three of them fell.
professional athletes?
More like fucking cheats!
All there but the ref could tell

Bad refs are ruining the game
And VAR is the thing that they blame

[F 129 Row66]

There was a big man from Southend
During sex his penis would bend,
Once it stopped it's dangle,
It formed a right angle,
Before to bumming he would descend.

The spurs 'hard' men did very well.
A hanbags fight three of them fell.


 

[Helmut Shown]

There once was a Welsh bloke called Dai.
Had blood coming from his Jap's eye
he'd not mastered the craft
Of pulling his shaft
as his helmet lay bruised on his thigh

There was a big man from Southend
During sex his penis would bend
 

[F 129 Row66]

So. Fat gits will now get a jab
To help them get rid of the flab,
So people like me,
Diabetic type B,
Are deprived, none left at the lab. *

*True

There once was a Welsh bloke called Dai.
Had blood coming from his Jap's eye

 

[Mike Oxsaw]

A Pakistani man from Lahore
Used to shit and not close the door
If he got the aim right,
Then his turds, after flight,
Did not leave a mess on the floor.

So. Fat gits will now get a jab
To help them get rid of the flab

[Helmut Shown]

A young man just up from the sticks,
Made a living sucking blokes dicks
At his boarding schools
he got a taste for tools
now he works in politics

A Pakistani man from Lahore
used to shit and not close the door

[F 129 Row66]

Julie, the girlfriend of Bob,
Could whistle a tune on his knob.
Meanwhile an old Russion
Farted the percussion.
While eating a chocolate hobnob.

A young man just up from the stcks,
Made a living sucking blokes dicks

[Mike Oxsaw]

It was once said that Andi Peters
Had a job reading electric meters
He'd look at a dial,
And then he would smile...
..."You need to turn off all your heaters...especially now the fucking caring leftist government have stolen your winter fuel payment. Cunts".

Julie, the girlfriend of Bob,
Could whistle a tune on his knob.

[Helmut Shown]

To add to our great nation's troubles
We're beaten by a bunch of bubbles
it was quite some feat
no one to beat
couldn’t win at croquet doubles

It was once said that Andi Peters
had a job reading electric meters

[F 129 Row66]

She once was a prime minister's factotum
But had a face like a rhino's scrotum,
Her hair she always dyes
With wrinkles round her eyes,
She uses thick make up to coat em.

Fuck that HS!

To add to our great nation's troubles
We're beaten by a buch of bubbles

[Helmut Shown]

Kamala may get the top job.
But would you let her suck your knob?
the stuff it seems
Of Donald Trumps dreams
But don't tell the hillbilly lynchmob

She once was a prime minister's factotum
But had a face like a rhino's scrotum

[F 129 Row66]

So. People are dying too fast
And maybe our culture won't last.
No Friday night be-er,
We'll live by Sharia,
Freedoms will be things of the past.

Kamala may get the top job.
But would you let her suck your knob?

[Mike Oxsaw]

A man from quite near Muswell Hill
Once changed his wife's birth control pills
So now he has quads
And they're all little sods
And, fuck me! They run up a bill.

So. People are dying too fast
And maybe our culture won't last.

[F 129 Row66]

I'm certain that everyone knows
Why Starmer receives some free clothes.
Sanctimonious back then
Now he's in number 10, 
With his power every thing goes.

A man from quite near Muswell Hill
Once changed his wife's birth control pills