"Another fire at white hart lane Is Levy up to his tricks again? This dispicable jew A criminal it's true, But not this time though, that's quite plain. This week we are playing the scum, I think we will win, unlike some"

"At the Theatre of Nightmares tonight Will we be good or plain shite Writing's on the wall We will win fuck all It's another relegation fight. In the brothel young Dorothy Wong Said ""No blackies, their willy too long""."

"With a slapper he'd spent the night Without paying he then took flight ""A clear case of rape"" Said the magistrate ""So it's off to the crown court, you shite."" An Irishman from country Cork Was playing with his piece of pork"

"My girlfriend said ""Let us play conkers!"" I thought she had gone stupid/bonkers. She said: ""This one here, Is one I revere, It used to be one of John Moncur's"" In the harem, the new eunoch viewed, Lovely young Arab girls in the nude"

"My girlfriend said ""Let us play conkers!"" I thought she had gone stupid/bonkers. She said: ""This one here, Is one I revere, It used to be one of John Moncur's"" In the harem, the new eunoch viewed, Lovely young Arab girls in the nude"

"When taking a knob up the arse, To do it with any real class. You use KY jelly It's not quite as smelly, But it's better to go with a brass. A young Scottish man called Eddie Nothing under his kilt, always ready"

"He went home to tell his mum, He'd had a West Ham tattoo on his bum The inkwork was deft Around his natal cleft And a target for his gay chum. A Norwich man slept in his vest And was ready always for incest."

"I've got a new toy - in a box It whirs and it ticks and it tocks It's self lubricating A switch for vibrating They're great these mechanical cocks. A scotsman called Jamie McFadden, Once let off a fart a real bad'un"

"There was a Welshman called Rhys Was stooped in the street by the police This perverted creep Not only fucks sheep, But then waltzes off with the fleece.. There was a young lady called Mabel Who liked making love on the table"

"A girl with a very large arse Couldn't do anal alas. A punter called Smith Said she can't do it with Nobby Stiles up her Khyber Pass. A hypnotist from Ile-de-France, Put a sexy virgin in a trance"

I want to proclaim my own gender But people will think I'm a bender People should respect My genital defect My cock and minge in all their splendour.. A young ladyboy from Bangkok Often dreamed of losing his cock

"There was a young girl from Hong Kong For a really large cock used to long, When into her bordello, Walked a world famous fellow. The well endowed pornstar called King Dong. In the Middle East so I hear, They do things that sound very queer"

"There was a young girl from Hong Kong For a really large cock used to long, When into her bordello, Walked a world famous fellow. The well endowed pornstar called King Dong. In the Middle East so I hear, They do things that sound very queer"

"Whilst having her down on his fellow He sensed ""her"" five o'clock shadow He started to grapple, With ""her"" Adam's apple, And caught on that ""she"" was a lad-o. A young German chap called Fritz, Who went for a meal at the Ritz"

There was a young girl called Eunice Squatted by her car for a piss.

"A young man whilst searching the net Found a doctor instead of a vet, So he started again But efforts were in vain, I'm told that he is searching yet."

"There was a young lady from Beccles Whose bottom was covered in freckles, As a stripper 'twas fun As she exposed her bum It was met with cat calls and heckles. a young lass from Cowdenbeath, For felatio took out her false teeth"

"Summer's upon us once again Not much footie now, what a pain And this is the reason I hate the closed season Sports like tennis or golf are inane. There once was a bloke called McFadden, Let off a wet fart, twas a bad'un"

"An Irish man returns home and sees 16 crates of Guinness and a loaf of bread in the hallway. He asks his friend who is also Irish if they were expecting company, and his friend said ""No."" The first bloke then said ""What's all this bread for?"""

"I'm giving this poor tree a hug,"" Said celebrity muncher of rug, Her appearance, a joke She was dressed like a bloke With no bra and a face like a pug. There was a young lady called Chloe Who had a pet rabbit called Snowy"

"There was a young girl who was sick As she tried to deep throat a large dick Her gagging reflex, Just ruined the sex, Her vomit was stinking and thick. An undertaker Mr. Goffin Had his way with a stiff in a coffin"

"Sarah Miles, I've heard people say Drinks her own piss every day But a Scotsman called Ollie Who ate his own tolly, Was put on a section, no delay. A man from the Canary Isles Who suffered from pendulous piles"

"Having pissed himself in the street His condition he tried to secrete His efforts did not match, The size of the patch, Which went right down his leg to his feet. A Russian man from Volgograd, In the West End picked up a lad."

"I've run out of milk for my tea I like a few cuppas, you see, The tea I have got, Must be made in a pot, And has to be perfect for me. While climbing a tree for a plum. A branch got stuck right up his bum,"

"When dressed up he called himself Mary But most people called him a fairy, When in the Azores Exposed his frilly drawers And his bollocks hung out (Very hairy). There once was a women called Claire Whose pet was a bi-polar bear."