"Tarquin a nouveau Chelsea fan, In the toilets picked up a young man He knew how to pull 'em From Cottaging in Fulham And strange bars in Afghanistan A sailor who went on a trip Threw up as he boarded the ship"

Their once was a man from Andorra Built a box just like that pandora When he opened it up It contained a small pup And various fauna and flora A Rozzer who lives down the road Has a blue light outside his abode

I think I might buy a new boat. My choice will be one that can float But after I bought her I couldn't find water So I'm building a bloody big moat I once met a girl with a stutter Who dad was a bit of a nutter

"Whilst shopping one day with my wife, She gave me the shock of my life. I got to the till and looked at the bill now I'm slitting my wrists with a fork last year I was struck with a cough and both of my elbows fell off"

There was a young man from Pinner Had pie and mash for every dinner Being at the end of his wits After a dose of the squits But at least he looked a bit thinner A bloke with a peculiar wife Once appeared on 'This is Your Life'

"A man named Tiberious Thank Was cutting in half a long plank He exclaimed "" I have wood"" With his crotch feeling good He decided to go for a wash A cricket match played in the city Was awfully dull, more's the pity"

"He claims he's got really thick skin But I've found a subtle way in While he's chewing his gum Appeal to his tum Say ""No fish"" til we win I used to have a dog called Eric Who once bit the local cleric"

"A tranny was cruising the street When who did he happen to meet? I said 'what the eff'? Are you my mate Geoff? No I'm Barbara on a Tuesday, alreet? A vicar with many a tale Felt sick and turned very pale"

"bugger, missed mine off A doctor with a very strange limp Went over to France with a chimp"

Sarah Miles I just wouldn't kiss I've heard she drinks her own piss A half-pint of gold Or so I was told Has this thread really come to this?