What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint. What's clear and smells like red paint? Chloroform. Shhhh

"An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man are hired to work construction. The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy ""You're in charge of shoveling."" He points to the Scotsman and tells him ""You're in charge of sweeping."" and then he turns to the Chinese guy and says "...

"A man is walking along a beach, sad and depressed, when he hears a booming voice from the heavens. ""DIG!"" says the voice. The man looks around, a little confused. ""DIG!"" Booms the voice again. The man thinks ""Might as well"" and starts digging at the sand in front of him. Suddenly he hits a wo...

joyo... BOOM !!! Now that's what this thread is all about

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

What do we want? More questions! When do we want them? Thanks! What do we want?! Time travel! When do we want it?! Irrelevant! What do we want?! A cure for ADHD! When do we want it?! Squirrel!! What do we want? A cure for Tourette's! When do we want it? cսnt! WHAT DO WE WANT? HEARING AIDS! WHEN DO W...

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

"Little Johnny arrives at class and the teacher says; ""Why weren't you at school yesterday Johnny ?"" ""My Dad got burnt Miss."" ""Oh dear. I hope he wasn't badly burnt."" ""Well they don't piss about at the Crematorium Miss."""

"""Get in the car,"" I ordered the prostitute. ""Hi,"" she smiled. I said, ""I bet your mum wouldn't be too happy with you doing this."" ""Selling my body for money?"" she asked. I said, ""No, sitting in a car with a murderer."""

"An oldie, but a goodie ... A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop and asks for a white dress. ""You can't wear white."", reminds the sales clerk, ""You've been married three times already."" ""Of course I can, I'm a virgin!"", says the bride. ""Impossible"", says the sa...

"A young couple are on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to make: the reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat-chested. If he wishes to cancel the wedding, it's okay with her. The guy thought abo...