* There was a big bird from Brum who had an enormous thumb

"So it's West Brom 0 West Ham 3, Now this weekend we'll be happy though knockers of Mark Will continue to bark 'Cos he only got 2 not 3 There was big bird from Brum Who had an enormous thumb"

"A cute midget who loved Judi Dench Approached her, his arse tightly clenched fearing rejection at his wardrobe selection He left all his clothes on the bench There was a young man from Kent who decided to live in a tent"

"An African tribesman, a Masai, Was given his first shepherd's pie He chewed on the mince Then realized and winced There's a herder in here just like I There was an old mod from Woking who went into a pub for a soaking"

The young daughter of our Vicar's Works modelling frilly knickers Walking the runway she thought of a fun way of exposing her gash with high kickers A man of sorrow called Lawro thought of a frock he could borrow

"In a brothel in downtown Bangkok He was wiping his knob with a sock When in Walked Nige Pearson with a hard on so fearsome The madam of the place died of shock A midget from Argentina bought a rusty, smashed up Ford Cortina"

There was a young man from Leicester A referee he decided to pester.... A red card was flashed but with a forearm smash the official was laid to rest there There was an old fella called Eddie who couldn't walk straight or steady

"A young evangelist out preaching Saw a cute girl and dreamt of sinning I'm a Witness Jehovah now kindly bend over been knocking all day, now I'm grinning There was an old fella called Fred who couldn't get out of his bed"

"A young evangelist out preaching Saw a cute girl and dreamt of sinning I'm a Witness Jehovah now kindly bend over been knocking all day, now I'm grinning There was a old fella called Fred who couldn't get out of his bed"

I'm getting pissed off with referees Are they on under-the-counter fees!? brown paper packets were found in their jackets all paid for by Triads and me!

"A Junior Doctor from Fife Decided to take his own life he tried 12 bore shooting hanging, self booting but ended up killing his wife There was an old Bint in a frock who decided to take on a croc"

"An old working Doris called Mabel, In the gutter once laid a cable a passer by shouted as she struggled and pouted 'I have issues you know, I'm not able!' Mauricio Pochettino couldn't drink his cuppiccino"

"An old working Doris called Mabel, In the gutter once laid a cable a passer by shouted as she struggled and pouted I have issues you, I'm not able! Mauricio Pochettino couldn't drink his cuppiccino"

"If here's one thing I like very much, It''s a girl with a dense hairy crutch But a comb is needed as it's dense and seeded with grass, twigs, bits of leaves and such"

"A sergeant, whilst out on parade Was offered the chance to get laid When he first touched her Bristol she ignored his small pistol and said 'At ease you've not paid' There was a strange fellow called DeFoe who wanted to put on a show"

Michael Jackson started to wince As the pearly's were opened for prince He said you're too small No where near Off the Wall Ever posing and you walk with a mince There was an old fella named AP who pulled a big bird called baby

"We get one penalty then two more Have the refs been told ""Even the score Even Lawro's complaining at West Ham's downgrading to 6th instead of top four There was an old fella called Hearn who asked me 'how much do you earn'"