Anxiety/depression

[Tomshardware]

"Been through bad time lately with suffering with this. Dark thoughts as well. I know some posters on here suffer with this. Anyone come through the other side of this shit?

"A number of posters have been yellow carded and told to stay off this thread unless they have anything constructive to add.This is a thread that has been very useful to so many, for any other posters with scores to settle, argue on another thread. This thread is sacrosant.Thank you"

[Mike Oxsaw]

Roeder-nowhere 2:00 Wed Apr 21 Does/can she read this website?

[Roeder-nowhere]

BTW excuse the user name. It was created when Glen was our manager and we were on the slide. Been meaning to change it even before his passing.

[Roeder-nowhere]

"Well, I've been meaning to write on here for ages after following peoples posts for some time. Not sure why i haven't, probably the same reason I haven't sought professional help for the depression and big black hole I see ahead of me. So here goes.. apologies ait's feckin long one!! I have been having problems with my partner and the subsequent turmoil, depression and abuse this relationship has brought me recently has just reached tipping point. I'm not gonna jump in front of a train although the thought has crossed my mind I wouldn't because of the kids. Not really finding a suitable answer despite knowing I have to get out of this relationship, however it's not quite that simple, never is. My wife has never been the most grounded of people and has never really had help for any mental health problems she has or demons she has needed to face in the past 20 years. She's constantly anxious, nervous, fraught with nervous energy and overly tired due to insomnia. But there's no excuse for abuse and that's what I am facing. Hard to own up to as a man facing abuse from his wife. So, whatever her issues, this has manifested itself in verbal abuse for quite some time and just recently physical (often in front of the kids when sober and drunk). The bottle is the usual escape for her which of course makes things worse for her and then me, she aint no happy drunk!! Not a week that goes by when I'm not called a c**t, imbecile, useless, bad Father you name it. It has got to the stage where i can't even react o respond for fear of being kicked out of the flat. She doesn't work, doesn't need to as her Dads trust fund when he passed away pays her out monthly. I'm working from home so of course since the pandemic things have become even more difficult. I've tried to help her with the issues for years and have been more than supportive but got nowhere. Now with 2 kids she just can't cope, looking after them, their bickering, taking them to school and collecting them. But in all honesty she has very little to do, I do 95% of the housework (often getting barked at to do this and that whilst attempting to work in what is a stressful job as it is whilst she lies on the sofa watching TV. I walk the dogs, do the shopping and at the weekend the kids are usually 'mine' to entertain. Her bahaviour is often completely bipolar, and I've often thought she may be on the scale to some extent. But her impatience, shouting, abuse or need for alcohol is always my fault, I'm to blame for it cos I cause it apparently. she can shout and scream for me to get out of her life, F off, leave and find a place of my own, then 2 hours later she's talking about what I'll wear for a wedding we have in December!!? In the few relative calm moments where I have been able to talk to her about our relationship and what's happened and what to do she has said yes I do love you and do want to stay with you (but I need to HELP her she says - as though I do nothing) but her behaviour and words of course totally contradicts that. We hardly talk, I flinch when she comes near me now and we hardly have any physical contact anymore. Why would I want to with somebody who calls me all sorts of names under the sun, tells the kids I'm a bad person who doesn't help or love her (they're both under 8 ffs why use them as a weapon or even think about involving them in this shit)? I've had my eldest crying telling me not to leave her on the numerous times I have been told to pack my bags or even locked out of the house temporarily. Why don't I leave? Bizarrely I do still actually love my wife, i also stupidly moved to her home Country (France) because her Father has a 2nd home here which she allowed us to move to rent free when the 2nd child was born. I gave up a job to come here being told it's cheaper and rent free and struggled to find work for a long time. I've now nowhere to go in the UK even if that were an option. Now that I do work, all my money goes into our joint account yet she calls me a sponger for 'not paying her rent' and has told her friends I used to charge her rent when living in rented accommodation in Scotland. No, we went halves on the rent as she wanted a bigger, better flat and I paid virtually all the bills and payments being the biggest earner. She didn't work there either. So that's another reason I am struggling to move, my French isn't so good and I don't have the 2k plus I'll need to move into a new place. Even if I did have that my income would be drained in no time for a flat near the kids. The plan was always to stay for a short while and save for a deposit for a house back in the UK. But she's a spendthrift, spends money the instant we have it, usually on needless things so come the end of the month we are literally having to borrow money form our daughters piggy bank. Then there's the kids. I can't leave them alone with her and I'd also miss them terribly. I've made them my all in my life, which isn't right, not completely through my own fault because it's hard to make friends in another Country. The few times I did used to go out for French lessons or to have a drink there'd be a big fuss (she's a control freak too just to add to the list) and phone calls asking when I'm coming back or saying she's leaving the kids in the house alone cos they are doing her head in. So really my life is my kids, west ham and my job which i bloody hate. You're probably thinking wtf are you doing with her in the first place? Well it wasn't always like this, the stress of no support network for the kids plus all her other unresolved issues have just taken things out of control. I'm a patient man but all my patience goes on the kids and work not and i can't pander to her often outlandish needs as I used to. I'm no saint, of course, although a friend of hers has called me that in front of her whilst others have told me behind her back they don't know how I cope, why don't I leave her, ""I must have been a bastard in a former life"" etc. Well, there's the dilemma. I've got to ride out living in the Country for another 8-10 years until the kids are older and hopefully they'll go off to Uni back in the UK ideally. I suppose I just have to be brave and sensible enough to realise I have to get out somehow but mentally and emotionally I'm exhausted, living in fear I can get kicked out at any moment, that she might lose her rag cos a soup bowl has been put in the wrong place. At the end of my tether and can't find a way out."

[Sniper]

Enlighten https://m.facebook.com/pg/EnlightenTheSh1/posts/ https://mobile.twitter.com/ENLIGHTENTheSh1

[Sniper]

Mental health studies https://participate.mqmentalhealth.org/

[Sniper]

Just a few links to different pages on Twitter where people are carrying out research or offering support that may interest people on this thread. A phd student doing research into make suicide and mental health: https://mobile.twitter.com/susie_research/status/1379784067328135170

[Jasnik]

OK.

[Hallerinthemorning]

"Some people need to start putting the phrase ""in my opinion"" after bold statements."

[stubbo]

"He clearly is in no place to form a coherent plan to start to bring money in and needs to find a way to deal with the fears and anxieties around his money worries so can get back into the present of coming up with a way of dealing with the tangible difficulties, and not focussing on the intangibles which will be spiralling him down."

[Mace66]

"I’ve just watched Gonzo’s video and I’d say he’s done very well to make that. He looks like shit ( my guess is he’s not sleeping much) and is rambling on like somebody with plenty on his mind. It gets to the stage where it becomes all consuming and he gave a hint at that when he said the game the other night gave him a bit of a distraction. I’m not surprised he can’t/ hasn’t commented on it because my money is on him not remembering much of it as that’s how it gets people. Manuel, you say a counsellor won’t bring him money but they can stop it running away with him and bring a bit of perspective. He’ll probably be imagining all sorts of horrible scenarios and if he doesn’t talk to somebody he’ll start sleeping even less due to the worry and then the mind plays all sorts of tricks"

[Manuel]

"Jones - I have experience too, fella. Everyone is an expert these days. Money is not exacerbating the problem it IS the problem. Simple as. I highly doubt a shrink will be of much use to him, just my opinion. Let's disagree and move on. Shouldn't be discussing a third party individual anyway."

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"Manuel,,I have some family experience with depression and from what he has been saying concerning feeling lost and unable to function are clearly danger signs. I realize that money issues may be exacerbating the problem but nervertheless he needs to seek some professional advice. No, a counsellor will not put monmey in his pocket but may well save him from falling deeper into clinical Major Depressive Disorder. It is an illness that, as with all illnesses, needs to be treated early."

[Manuel]

"The (main) reason Gonzo is depressed is because he is skint and has his rent to pay and has to support his family, and no job. Simple as that. He has my sympathy. A counsellor is not going to put money in his pocket. Hope he gets through it somehow."

[Manuel]

"The (main) reason Gonzo is depressed is because he is skint and has his rent to pay and has to support his family, and no job. Simple as that. He has my sympathy. A counsellor is not going to put money in his pocket. Hope he gets through it somehow."

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"If anyone on here knows Gonzo, please, please urge him to get some help. This will not get better wothout some professional counselling and or medication."

[Stevethehammer]

"I think sometimes part of the problem is us blokes are meant to be strong, physically and emotionally and when everything gets on top of you dealing with it all can send you right off the rails. Loss of your job etc can lead to the obvious worries of money etc which puts pressure on family life, relationships etc. Most turn to drink, drugs etc etc On a personal note my issues stem from lack of human interaction and a lack of a network of friends to help drag me out of the mire. Fair play to Gonzo, like him, loathe him, love or hate the channel its good to see another bloke talking about how he's feeling rather than buckling to the macho image and pretending everything is ah okay"

[ted fenton]

Mike Oxsaw 1:59 Fri Mar 12 Very true Lily.

[Lily Hammer]

"My take on Gonzo’s message was that the loss of his job was the main problem that is having inevitable knock on effects. The loss of job is almost certainly a direct consequence of the lockdown. How many other people are going down the same shithole? Won’t the NHS have to pick up the pieces of cases like this that worsen? ICUs are being protected, to some extent, but I wonder how much every other aspect of society apart from ICUs need protection."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"ted fenton 4:55 Thu Mar 11, Wasn't the easiest of watches that, Ted, but the big thing was that he realised that he had a problem and had taken the first steps. Brave of him to put it out there, even though it was obvious that he still had an issue with clearly expressing the root cause. (I got the lost job bit but read something deeper). In general, I think people will listen if you have problems, even if they have absolutely no idea as to how to (offer) help. Sometimes, an open ear is all that is needed."

[ted fenton]

Not sure if you ever watch Gonzo on Hammers Chat You tube well I've just watched his latest video and it relates to this thread and worth a look.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-t0p-twh6c

[Alfs]

"This is why I love WHO and would hate for it to die. To an outsider we appear to be a bunch of miserable cunts but within these cunts is incredible sensitivity and empathy. I've been on AD's for 15 years plus (seroxat). Without it, I'd be an emotionless zombie, never leaving my home. Being depressed is not a weakness. It's simply a condition that can fortunately be helped with drugs. Like diabetes or a plethora of other illnesses. If you don't want to go down that route then look into CBD oil, though if you do decide on that, make sure that it's of good quality. There's a lot of shit about, particularly the stuff sold at chemists like Boots. You'll find the good stuff if you do a bit of research."

[SurfaceAgentX2Zero]

"Steve, Next time you are in that darkest of places, you can always reach out to Samaritans. They'll listen to you confidentially without judging you and without telling you what to do."

[Stevethehammer]

"Thanks for the who mail messages, for some reason I'm unable to reply, anyone having the same issue?"

[wanstead_hammer]

Stevethehammer and Peckham. Keep the faith the pair of ya (and I’m not a bible basher and don’t mean the george michael album either) and keep posting on here to have some interaction. It’s not like proper mixing and perhaps some of us could meet up once we’re further down the yellow brick road! I’m sure that’d provide a laugh or three!

[Block]

"Bloody hell, Peckham. Good to know you're on the right track mate!"