Anxiety/depression

[Tomshardware]

"Been through bad time lately with suffering with this. Dark thoughts as well. I know some posters on here suffer with this. Anyone come through the other side of this shit?

"A number of posters have been yellow carded and told to stay off this thread unless they have anything constructive to add.This is a thread that has been very useful to so many, for any other posters with scores to settle, argue on another thread. This thread is sacrosant.Thank you"

[Pentonville]

67 that's brilliant news. Bet you are wetting urself. Obviously it will be nice to see them but then where are you dumping them off for the game at? ;-) enjoy mate x

[fraser]

"'67 that's great news that they're coming Sunday, well pleased for you."

[Irish Hammer]

"Genuinely delighted for you 67, enjoy that huge hug in Heathrow mate, you deserve it !"

[Crassus]

Congratulations 67 son

[Mike Oxsaw]

"This thread seems to have moved itself into a more positive field (an outsider's observation), but long may it continue; that really is a light at the end of the tunnel and not some twat with a torch bringing you more grief."

[Westham67]

It is looking like I am in the same category as you block. Should have started this 4 years ago but Thailand and Qatar write came up. Now I have spoken with a clinical psychologicist for 2 hours i started getting claustrophobic in cinemas and aircraft to the point of panic after I was sick and never before. The flights and 2 and 8 day testing are paid for and inshalah I see my kids at LHR for the first time in 2 and half years 1pm Sunday afternoon

[Block]

"mashed in maryland 1:46 Sat Oct 30 Re: Anxiety/depression For some, it is down to attitude. However, there are a lot of people who have genuine chemical imbalances which cause anxiety/depression. I'm one of the latter, but I do use my attitude to override it along with taking medication obviously. It's easy to judge something and advise people when you've never experienced it properly.(I say this in a general context)"

[JonWHUFC]

Irish great post mate. I had my first counselling session last week. I have just negotiated an exit from work which is my main problem but the first step I took on 9th of August feels like one of many. I am in a lot better place already and this thread has really helped. For once the Irons are helping us all when we need it most. What better pick up than being a Hammer right now. Love to all on here and COYI xxx

[Crassus]

"Irish mate This thread has become a place for lads to open up and share their inner weaknesses, which we all have but those without the fortitude do not directly reveal The board in general is a similarly open place to unleash all manner of 'cuntings', which potentially refers to my first paragraph I wish you well as you dance physically and metaphorically around your troubles, you are not alone Your postings are second only to the iconic Alan in the must read list, keep them coming And never forget that there are plenty on here that can and are willing to play wing man if it comes on top As a wise man said 'A stranger willing to listen is a friend you have not yet met'"

[Irish Hammer]

"I don't want to derail the intentions of this thread, the positive mental attitude is something said by people who have never experienced what it is like to be sitting on the edge of your bed at 2 in the day staring into the blackest abyss you cannot even imagine could exist. Wanting so hard to be able to stand up and just go and have a shower/make your sandwich for lunch/ring you wife or friends just to say you love them. To not want to be dead as it will cause sadness and lost to your loved ones, but to not want to be alive either, because it's so hard to just keep being here. To be lost and fighting inside so hard to speak out your truth but to be crushed by the burden you are being to your loved ones through your illness. As a wonderful Psychiatrist once said to me, ""In all my years in medicine I have never seen anyone die because the did not have a positive outlook, it is enough to just try in whatever capacity you are able to."" I used to feel that everyday of my life was a fight, that everyday I have to step inside a boxing ring and fight with whatever I could muster that day just to get thru the day, never to win, but just to survive. I rehearsed the speech Rocky Balboa gave his son in the street : ‚ÄúThe world ain‚Äôt all sunshine and rainbows. It‚Äôs a very mean and nasty place, and I don‚Äôt care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain‚Äôt about how hard you hit. It‚Äôs about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That‚Äôs how winning is done"" I used to say it to myself every morning. and thought I was getting myself ready for that days fight. This went on for about 2 years, then in January this year a wonderful counsellor I had been seeing for 2 hours every Tuesday, her name was Cliodhna. She said to me on day, ""Philip, you know the way everyday you get yourself ready for a fight, that you have your speech in your head and you steel yourself for the day ahead, well you don't need to fight. You are already fighting and winning every minute of everyday. You take all your tablets, you go to all your medical appointments, you do whatever the doctors tell and undertake whatever procedures they say. You turn up here to meet me every Tuesday. You are fighting already, and you are winning. You need to realise that getting out of bed and just doing what you are doing is your fighting"". And its not needing to be aggressive, its just you ""loving yourself and honouring your life"" (which was something I have always said I want to do). It was the most profound and life changing thing I've ever experienced. And since then I've continued my ""fight"", but its a ""fight"" where I'm in control and its not fighting, its me being honest and living the best I can. And it has brought me true happiness. This very morning my wife came back from the gym at about midday. I had had a very bad night last night with hallucinations, night terrors and seizures. I was struggling. But when she came home I asked her if we could dance together. I put her favourite song on, Corinne Bailey Rae, 'Put your records on' and I danced on my own with her sitting on the sofa watching me with love in her eyes, for the first time in my life I let go and was able to dance like nobody is watching, I had tears in my eyes and I just felt free. She stood up and we danced like to crazy people in our small apartment sitting room. I'm starting to build little roads in my head again that do make sense, that don't make my mind go like a crazy washing machine all the time. But it took a lot of work, hard work, but the most fulfilling work I have ever done. I used to find it tough when someone is unnecessarily horrible to me, like someone else said before a horrible post on here can hurt. I like to post up any good articles I see about West Ham, and I often get told to ""jog on you boring cսnt Irish"". I'm not posting them to get credit or to be told I'm a great guy, I have so many happy West Ham moments from my life, I like anything that's positive and good about the club and the sports I have always loved. I just wish things didn't go sour sometimes. But that's life and we got to take it. To anyone struggling, you just take whatever step forward you can and listen to those who are trying to help, that's all we need to do. No self help books, or quotes are needed. You are already fighting by just waking up everyday. Remember that, and don't be mean to yourself. You are doing amazingly. Sorry for this very rambling and probably odd looking post. but it is just how I feel today, and I've now learned to hold the good times tight and smile through every second of them. Have a great day all, and thank you for indulging me. Irons."

[Dicko75]

Great post Mashed and actually very constructive. Positive thinking and focusing only on the things you can personally influence are incredibly important factors for strong mental health as is keeping yourself physically fit with some form of daily exercise.

[mashed in maryland]

"This is probably gonna go down like a lead balloon, but it needs saying and I feel its constructive: A lot of this is to do with attitude. TMTY's post exemplifies this. Its like he's already resigned himself to failure and misery, even gone as far as to insult the inhabitants of his new home before he's got there. Here's another way of looking at it... Lancaster isn't Vegas or even London but its a lovely little town with a lot of history, and its right on the edge of some of the best countryside and landscapes in the country. People pay millions for homes round there. The people are generally much more friendly and warm than in London. You'll have no problem meeting new people. The weather might be shitter but your money will go a lot further meaning you'll be able to get away somewhere warmer more often (assuming you're earning similar money). And above all you'll be closer to your kids and able to be a big part of their lives (if i read your post right, apologies if not) and the lack of a father fucks up A LOT of otherwise good kids and what they'll have with you around is priceless. TMTY, I'm not trying to dig you out or belittle your problem, but how you view things is a big part of how they turn out. Seeing this as a new challenge will mean it'll turn out a lot better than ""I'm going down a waterfall and it'll be shit"". Good luck, i guess."

[Tomshardware]

"Too much, Lancaster is actually an ok place from what I remember having visited a few times albeit a good 20+ years ago. Take one step at a time and focus on any positives you can."

[Westham67]

"The first on my appointments yesterday I should had in 2017 before going back overseas to work 2 hours with a clinical psychologist I had some some cognitive tests. I have to go back and see her in months time, I have an MRI brain scan coming a lumbar puncture to test my spinal fluid and a psychologist."

[Westham67]

"Moving can be traumatic I know that from experience. I read your posts about your situation and you have done well up this point to keep it together. They way you can look at it as a new chapter in you life a new beginning and leaving all you have been through behind you , This forum will always be here you mate"

[Too Much Too Young]

"Evening all, I'm finally breaking cover of ever increasing levels of anxiety. If contracts get exchanged this week, I'll be moving to fucking Lancaster from Wimbledon next Friday, and apart from the reasons why (kids and ex wife related), I'm really not looking forward to it nor want to. I love London and i hate the north for starters. It's cold, it's always raining, they all sound dim, i won't know fucking anyone (apart from the kids). I feel like i'm in a barrel heading towards a huge fuck off waterfall, with a blade of grass to try and paddle against the flow. Getting a bit breathless now and again over it, as waves of pure dread wash over me, not something i'm used to and its been building over the past weeks. Moving house is a stressful thing as it is, but all previous moves (4), i've looked forward to. It's worse in that I'm having to move into somewhere temp first (as i was gonna lose my first time buyers), so i'm actually moving into a small place near a pikey camp in Morecambe! Imagine that...fucking hell."

[zico]

"Cheers Sniper, back in 2015 I'd only been there for just under 2 years so didn't have a leg to stand on. They said the redundancy was down to a change in job description as they wanted a driver who could work behind the counter and I have no clue on electrical wholesale so that wasn't my job. The irony was the guy who took over left after a couple of months and the replacement did less than me!!!! I popped back to help them out a couple of weeks later when my replacement was ill but on my terms. I'd come in at time of first delivery, which was usually an hour and a half after my normal arrival and I would leave when the deliveries were done rather than hang around sweeping the floor for an hour, and it worked well for that week. Don't know why more companies don't do that with drivers, you are there as a driver so just clock in and out as a driver! Anyway I digress. I became very ill after my redundancy so I couldn't have gone back anyway, and they timed it well enough being just short of two years."

[Sniper]

"Zico That all sounds horrendous mate. The money situation is awful all round right now, I have no idea how people barely scraping by are meant to cope. It’s unbelievable really. I hope you’re doing ok Regarding the job/redundancy issue, can you fight it again retrospectively? I got forced out a job after taking time off for depression, improved in meetings how they hadn’t even met their own HR policies for support but it made no difference and was made redundant. My boss was just an arse. But when I reached out to legal forms about it, who discussed how you can claim for loss of future earnings and even things like lost annual leave (I’d been there over a decade so had accrued annual leave up to the maximum amount and now in my new role have far less starting from scratch again). But when I explained that I really didn’t have the energy or mental strength to fight it at the time, they just said come back when you feel you can. I wonder if that’s a route you can choose? I hope things get better for you quickly fella"

[Sniper]

"Pents From what you’ve said, you won’t read this. But I just wanted to wish you all the very best. I do hope we’ll see you back on here at some point - it’s not right what’s happened to you, but 99.9% of the shit flinging on here isn’t really meant. I hope you’re ok and I genuinely wish you well"

[JonWHUFC]

Pents horrible read and much love to you mate. The West Ham family came together today and we all got the perfect tonic with today’s result. Live for these moments mate. COYI xxx

[JonWHUFC]

Pents horrible read and much love to you mate. The West Ham family came together today and we all got the perfect tonic with today’s result. Live for these moments mate. COYI xxx

[JonWHUFC]

Pents horrible read and much love to you mate. The West Ham family came together today and we all got the perfect tonic with today’s result. Live for these moments mate. COYI xxx

[Irish Hammer]

"Take care Pents I know you won’t read this but you post made me stop and think. And I’m sending you positive thoughts for your future and love, yes love, despite never meeting or speaking to you. And it’s nothing to do with West Ham, it’s simple decency and my wish in my life, to make the path for others as gentle as can be. Your a special person with unlimited potential. We all are. Don’t let yourself be judged, or be held back by others. What others think of us, is, and should not be, any of our business. Take care my friend. Phil, aka Irish Hammer."

[Pentonville]

"This will be my last post on this site. 6 weeks ago I decided my life wasn't worth a light. I decided, through depression and stress and something that triggered all my childhood abuse, that I was going to walk into the sea and not look back. I started drinking heavily to gain the courage to do this. I obviously didn't want to do it as, if I did, I wouldn't have told anyone. By shouting from the roof tops and threatening to do it, a cry for help was heard by many. A lot on here, a lot of West Ham mates who have not even heard of this site and of course other friends and family. Those west ham mates that don't come on here were calling my wife and family, sending money to her cos she has no access to our accounts and one of our accounts had been frozen. 3 people on here called and text me everyday and one has even sent a book. Alot of you who I've never met sent lovely messages also and all were read. That was roughly 6 weeks or 5 weeks ago. It's thanks to all of you that I came back from the brink. If I had succeeded in drinking myself to death ( I didnt sleep for 4 weeks straight more than 45 mins a day max, I didn't eat for those 4 weeks at all and I was going through a bottle of vodka, 3 bottles of Rose and countless beers eevryday), then people might have said that I got what I wanted. Except it wouldn't have been. Thanks to all of you and my family, an ambulance was called and the beginning of the end started. I thank everyone from bottom of my heart. That isn't the point of my post. The point is I want you to read the boxing thread. I want you to read my messages early on it stating that I was really enjoying talking about boxing as it was making my brain work again. I also said many times, let's not get personal or abusive as i was gently easing myself back into life. Sure the thread got passionate but it was gentle and informative. Then council scum comes on and abuses me. Now either he doesn't read the thread in its entirety or never reads threads like this and doesn't have the empathy to do so. He steams in and abuses. I walk away and will forever walk away now but shame on a lot of you that know what I've been through and say nothing. That cսnt is now my reason to get proper better. I dont like bullies and coming at someone when they are ill and have asked nicely not to is not west ham and not anything except bullying. I know this cos I've been guilty of it in the past. I also cannot stand the comment made to me by Northern Sold about ""he has walked the walk"". Well you don't know me at all all NS do you. Am I supposed to not have an opinion on boxing? Cos u disagree? you will know how silly a comment to me that is one day. Maybe keep watching YouTube up until January and u will find out once my story is out. My point is this. This thread saved my life and seemingly has done so for many others. That's amazing and I hope I helped in someway. It's my time to get back in real world now. Get better and find a new challenge. I think it will be something to do with getting behind online anti bullying campaigns and exploring the link to mental illness. Everyone please take a second before you write. Would I say it in real life. Will it hurt someone. Will it cause bad situations for me in the future. Everything online is recorded. Once said, rarely can you take it back. My mate Flack killed herself cos of it. Amy drank herself to death due to the pressure of it all. Many many people take their lives due to innocent words said or hurtful words said that the author has no idea what it does. Keep this site west ham, keep it civil. Start up slurps again and put faces to names. I'm sure the love and respect will grow again. I won't be reading or signing on anymore but I wish everyone of you and your families health and happiness and if you have neither reach out to someone on here as it helps, it really does. Hopefully see some of you in January when I feel ill be in a very good state if the rate at which I'm growing now continues. Toodlepip x"

[zico]

Yeah I do that now Tom until something else comes up. Hours aren't brilliant as they have a lot of drivers and it's not easy getting more hours with another company because of the driving regulations and getting the right shifts. Was hoping to find a pharmacy delivery one but very few openings around here.