Work Xmas Parties

[cup of tea]

Are they even a big thing anymore?

I remember in the 90's and early 00's being London office based this was the one event a year you would look forward to for the free food and booze and the inevitable stories the next working day of someone calling a director a cսnt or trying it on with the office tart amongst other horror stories.

Personally, the worst I done at a works Xmas party was (well, 2 things rolling in to 1) was spewing in a hotel reception where the party was being held but carrying on drinking after and then getting the train from Liverpool St to Colchester (so I thought) but falling asleep and waking up in Norwich with no trains back and wandering in to Norwich city centre looking for a hotel at around 2am, of course they weren't any being Xmas so ended up huddled in a bus shelter with not so much as a hot drink for 5 hours before the first train home.

The last Xmas party I went to was around 2018 but it was utter shit, by this time HR were getting all funny with behaviour and limiting the company spend on booze so it ended up being boring as fuck and the hardcore amongst us just left and fucked off to the pub, since then I have been WFH and getting £50 to spend on what I like so my Xmas 'party' these days is an Indian takeaway - how times change!

So come on then, are Xmas parties as raucous as they once were or are those days done?

Let's here some of your stories of bad behaviour etc.

[yngwies Cat]

We went to Simon Drakes house of magic in Kensington.
Big old converted  pub up done in a Gothic style.
Think Tim  Button meets Paul Daniels

Was volunteerd to go up on stage and get me arm sawn off.


It was so shit it was great.True to form got battered and ended up in some shit club later.

West Ham on Saturday, then my football club Christmas party on Sunday.

Day of sick on Monday 

Fuckin great fun! 

[Snodders' Beard]

The first one I attended was a pretty fun evening, the meal was naff but it was a free bar (I remember one director going to the bar and asking for the bottle of grey goose to save him multiple trips back up to order the same thing!) and I enjoyed seeing the young lasses switch out the frumpy office wear to more alluring attire. I got sozzled on table wine and went home with an impressionable young thing who mistakenly thought something serious might develop between us...

Sadly, times and employers change and I have noticed that the more corporatized my employers get, the more restrictions are placed on any kind of "organised fun". Constant reminders about our conduct and the consequences of damaging company reputation, "gourmet" food the size of a postage stamp being served, stingier drinks allowances, early cut off times, and whilst the office skirt still glams up for the occasion it's enormously dissuaded to have anything more than platonic intentions towards them (though that's probably due to me getting older!). In fact, sanding off any rough edges of your personality in case it makes it's way to HR or the C-suite that you aren't the perfectly presentable and obedient corporate drone they pay you a pittance to be.

I couldn't be bothered this year, went to a pub with mates instead. Work didn't even offer me a £50 voucher for somewhere to say thanks for the effort this year, stingy cunts.

[Far Cough UKunt]

I worked near Mount Pleasant Post Office and on a lunchtime we'd go to a pub, knock back a few pints and watch the strippers.

Just admit you were a postie.
no shame in it
Neil Webb 

Nope, a printer running presses.

[Monsieur merde de cheval]

I worked near Mount Pleasant Post Office and on a lunchtime we'd go to a pub, knock back a few pints and watch the strippers.

Just admit you were a postie.
no shame in it
Neil Webb 

[Monsieur merde de cheval]

I worked near Mount Pleasant Post Office and on a lunchtime we'd go to a pub, knock back a few pints and watch the strippers.

Pint pot job ?...
only a quid..but after sinking a few those quids become your weeks graft.

​​​​​alls fair in love and war

[Billy Blagg]

I used to organise the 80s Christmas parties where I worked. I'm still friends with at least six people I worked with during that time and in touch with about four others and we all agree that my parties made the worst excesses of Roman bacchanalia and Saturnalia look like a local Church tea party. I bloody loved 'em. Plus I...errr... got together with Lady Blagg after the one in 1987 and that was one of the best nights of my life so I'm all for them - providing they are held in the 80s, of course. I'd die of boredom now. 

[honky cat]

not as good as my story about Woolworths 

[madeeasy]

Nice story but, what's that got to do with West Ham....!

[Frankie Pankie]

Being in the advertising industry the Christmas season was crazy, loved it. The agency party was always a huge do,  everyone dressed up, free cabs home...some crazy behavior every year. Best was the morning after watching everyone rolling in, sheepish looks on their faces and the rumor mill starting. 

I only got a telling off once for shagging one of our clients, it was after a client lunch that went on all afternoon. Went to the pub after, only me and her left and she was 20 years older. ended up back at her hotel . my boss caught us emailing back n forth after but it was a for appearances telling off, no one cared and the senior management thought it was funny.

I left London in 2012, the last one I went to was at Dirty Martinis in Covent Garden....free bar from 1pm till I remember leaving at 10, girls kissing, people throwing up, and someone ended up in hospital to have their stomach pumped....quality. It was one of the last years of it being a complete free for all.

now, its all very tame....the industry charactures have all moved on, The box ticking CFO and HR depts now rule the roost and the funs is gone.

Glad I was young when I was young.

 

[eusebiovic]

During the COVID parties at No 10 apparently the whipping boy and coked-up fucking goon Michael Gove was forced to retrieve lobsters from Ann Widdecombes bum...

[Far Cough UKunt]

Hi Bungo, it did get back to him and he was apologetic, I just hope he gave the person responsible for the mistake a good telling off even though he was ultimately responsible.

[Bungo]

I'm not taking it any further even though it's a very serious mistake that could have damaged my health. I know what happened, the actual pharmacist wasn't there and they have people who fill prescriptions which should be double checked after by the pharmacist before dispensing, fuck knows how it got past him.

 

 

 

One possible explanation (not an excuse), is that when they review many things in sequence, they are trying to go fast and the brain starts to 'see' what it expects to see, especially if the two words are similar. They should be watching out for this, but nobody is infallible.

Years ago when I worked in training, I would be marking test papers and after a while I realised that I was ticking incorrect answers just because most answers were right and I was operating on autopilot.

Hopefully at least this error gets back to him and acts as a big wake up call!

[Hammer and Pickle]

I think the most memorable one (whether it was the “best” is a matter of opinion) is the one I took a load of Viagra to, which I bought off the internet. Must have been about 2006. Everyone knew I had them so after a load of free wine the sluttier women were asking about my lob on and I had some blokes hanging around to piggyback the female attention.

Got pissed off my tree and didn’t really know about Viagra, I thought you flopped one and just went in the hard so dished a few out to the lads, took one girl into the toilets (the ladies, as I’m a gentleman) but couldn’t get a Reggie. Gave up, everyone is taking the piss, so I take another one and share them around again.

One young fella starts wheezing after about 20 minutes and long story short, he has a heart attack as he’s had a double dose of this super strong fake blue pill stuff. Ruined the night as everyone is panicking and waiting in the reception for an ambulance, but as I’m already drunk, still in the soft and now wondering if I’m going to die, I decide to fuck it all off and sit in the big double decker bus they hired for us. Oh yeah, the event was at the London Golf Club.

A totally different girl saw me go and follows me, asking if it’s true I flipped a V and couldn’t get rigid for the other girl. I think there was some rivalry there. Anyway, we’re talking all night on this bus, the kid gets taken to intensive care and the bus takes us all off to the hotel (Brands Hatch Place if you must know) and this girl is now really intrigued, it’s like her mission to get a result out of these pills but I’m worried about a manslaughter charge and nothing happens despite my best intentions, and her best efforts. 

Next morning I wake up thinking my old boy is trying to rip itself off my pubic mound, the thing nearly dragged me out of bed. The girl isn’t interested any more but my Corey is like one of those twigs that locate water and it’s pointing and nudging towards her almost in its own. Almost.

 I’m badgering this girl like like a virgin and in the end she just relents. Not very romantic but I manage to shoot my bolt. It’s in recovery and recharge that I realise that on Viagra (or a snide version) it doesn’t just thicken you up. You need to make it happen. If you do nothing, nothing happens. If you get the horn or ‘try’ to get on the hard, it happens for you. So now I’m suddenly like a dog in heat like she was the night before but she’s not really feeling it, like I was the night before.

I manage to squeeze another one out but it took forever as it was more physical than emotional for me and simply a means to an end for her.

We all go home and after a shower and a power nap, my pal picks me up to do the last bit of Christmas shopping up Bluewater.

Queues everywhere. I can’t control the downstairs, I’m getting erect at everything and nothing, then it’s disappearing but even the sensation of my little fella shrinking down makes it go back on again, I couldn’t stand it. In the end we zipped around the shops with me pointing out what I wanted to buy then gave my mate my card and he got it while I sat in the corner of what used to be the sports bar in great discomfort - my cock literally ached - trying to drink it off. Not only did that not work but I had a further two days of this uncontrollable lower action and it just hurt all the time in the end. Never again. I’d sooner be sexless forever than that.

The kid lived, he was fine but had heart tablets from then on, he must have already had an issue but new year I'm in HR getting accused of spiking his drink, bringing drugs to work and all kinds of bollocks.

I just took voluntary redundancy in the end, for about 5 grand. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Great story - like it all the more because it's clearly true. 

[Gank]

I think the most memorable one (whether it was the “best” is a matter of opinion) is the one I took a load of Viagra to, which I bought off the internet. Must have been about 2006. Everyone knew I had them so after a load of free wine the sluttier women were asking about my lob on and I had some blokes hanging around to piggyback the female attention.

Got pissed off my tree and didn’t really know about Viagra, I thought you flopped one and just went in the hard so dished a few out to the lads, took one girl into the toilets (the ladies, as I’m a gentleman) but couldn’t get a Reggie. Gave up, everyone is taking the piss, so I take another one and share them around again.

One young fella starts wheezing after about 20 minutes and long story short, he has a heart attack as he’s had a double dose of this super strong fake blue pill stuff. Ruined the night as everyone is panicking and waiting in the reception for an ambulance, but as I’m already drunk, still in the soft and now wondering if I’m going to die, I decide to fuck it all off and sit in the big double decker bus they hired for us. Oh yeah, the event was at the London Golf Club.

A totally different girl saw me go and follows me, asking if it’s true I flipped a V and couldn’t get rigid for the other girl. I think there was some rivalry there. Anyway, we’re talking all night on this bus, the kid gets taken to intensive care and the bus takes us all off to the hotel (Brands Hatch Place if you must know) and this girl is now really intrigued, it’s like her mission to get a result out of these pills but I’m worried about a manslaughter charge and nothing happens despite my best intentions, and her best efforts. 

Next morning I wake up thinking my old boy is trying to rip itself off my pubic mound, the thing nearly dragged me out of bed. The girl isn’t interested any more but my Corey is like one of those twigs that locate water and it’s pointing and nudging towards her almost in its own. Almost.

 I’m badgering this girl like like a virgin and in the end she just relents. Not very romantic but I manage to shoot my bolt. It’s in recovery and recharge that I realise that on Viagra (or a snide version) it doesn’t just thicken you up. You need to make it happen. If you do nothing, nothing happens. If you get the horn or ‘try’ to get on the hard, it happens for you. So now I’m suddenly like a dog in heat like she was the night before but she’s not really feeling it, like I was the night before.

I manage to squeeze another one out but it took forever as it was more physical than emotional for me and simply a means to an end for her.

We all go home and after a shower and a power nap, my pal picks me up to do the last bit of Christmas shopping up Bluewater.

Queues everywhere. I can’t control the downstairs, I’m getting erect at everything and nothing, then it’s disappearing but even the sensation of my little fella shrinking down makes it go back on again, I couldn’t stand it. In the end we zipped around the shops with me pointing out what I wanted to buy then gave my mate my card and he got it while I sat in the corner of what used to be the sports bar in great discomfort - my cock literally ached - trying to drink it off. Not only did that not work but I had a further two days of this uncontrollable lower action and it just hurt all the time in the end. Never again. I’d sooner be sexless forever than that.

The kid lived, he was fine but had heart tablets from then on, he must have already had an issue but new year I'm in HR getting accused of spiking his drink, bringing drugs to work and all kinds of bollocks.

I just took voluntary redundancy in the end, for about 5 grand. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

[Mike Oxsaw]

Used to have some cracking ones when I was an apprentice/technician (TECHNICIAN = NCO, or at the highest level Police sergeant or military Warrant Officer)) at BT.

In central London, it used to be at Ye "Olde (i.e rebuilt after a direct hit in the blitz) Cheshire Cheese, and when I moved out to Burnt Oak/Queensbury not a lot changed (Battle Axes at Elstree Airfield was a memorable one (only for the fact that I now can't remember a thing about it, but it was a talking point for months afterwards); this was mainly because the management had no say - they were all staff arranged & managed.

However, when I became a BT engineer (ENGINEER = a commission in the military, in case you're fucking wondering), the parties were all management run & organised and fucking cliquey beyond belief.

I had a few mates in my management work circle who'd also risen through the ranks,as opposed to being parachuted in to the company on the back of some obscure degree, and we always showed our faces for about 30 minutes then fucked off to a decent boozer for a good time/proper old office Christmas party.

Lot of the typing pool girls (this shows how long ago it was) often followed us.

[Far Cough UKunt]

I'm not taking it any further even though it's a very serious mistake that could have damaged my health. I know what happened, the actual pharmacist wasn't there and they have people who fill prescriptions which should be double checked after by the pharmacist before dispensing, fuck knows how it got past him?

[Bungo]

Bungo, it's a small chain called Borno, I tore into the girl on the phone but I felt bad about it after. I mean I could have taken the thing, you know how they change the name of the prescription, when it's patent runs out but something told me it wasn't what it was supposed to be.

 

 

Even when a drug is brand new and within patent it SHOULD be written as the generic name on the prescription, so theoretically this shouldn't change at all when the drug goes off patent. The only difference is that when it's new, they will HAVE to dispense the branded medicine as this will be the only one available. Once it goes generic, they can choose to dispense any other versions that are available to them at a lower cost.

If you wish to raise concerns over this at a regulatory level, this is the organisation I would contact first.

https://www.pharmacyregulation.org/pati ... g-concerns

Hope that helps.

[Far Cough UKunt]

Bungo, it's a small chain called Borno, I tore into the girl on the phone but I felt bad about it after. I mean I could have taken the thing, you know how they change the name of the prescription, when it's patent runs out but something told me it wasn't what it was supposed to be.

[RM10]

Late 70s and 80s were great times at xmas

[Come On You Irons]

Isn't it funny how many lotharios and ladies men there are who claim on anonymous online message boards how much they got laid at work Christmas parties. Walter Mitty syndrome at its finest 

[Gary Strodders shank]

I remember some right capers in the eighties and nineties when things were a little less regimented and  PC.

It seemed in those days as soon as the mistletoe came out and the liebfraumilch corks  popped inhibitions went out of the window.

I even managed to shag the same bird three years running and once on my line managers desk.

We barely spoke throughout the year which suited me fine.and she had a boyfriend who liked fishing but come christmas time i always seemed to be on a winner.
​​​
On another occasion at a greek taverna a worse for wear colleague with a grudge and a misguided sense of occasion lobbed a plate at the finance director which left him requiring stitches.

I also recall some unsavoury antics at the Dorchester when working for a mobile phone company in the late nineties when someone shat in a lift and the fire brigade were called.

Most of this behaviour was at the time dismissed as high jinx and apart from some minor embarrassment on the return to work merely seen as workers letting of steam.and getting in the Christmas spirit.

How things have changed and nowadays there would of been a stewards enquiry and a risk assessment before we even set foot in a Wetherspoons.

[Bungo]

Bungo, on separate note, my local pharmacy was supposed to prescribe me Quetiapine, when I got home, I noticed they had given me Quinine. Huge difference.

 

 

That's what we in the trade refer to as a major balls up.

Is it an independent chemist or part of a larger chain?

Clearly the level of stink that you decide to make will have different ramifications depending on the type of outlet it is.

[Far Cough UKunt]

Bungo, on separate note, my local pharmacy was supposed to prescribe me Quetiapine, when I got home, I noticed they had given me Quinine. Huge difference.

[Hammer and Pickle]

Probably the case here with all the big multinational pharma companies already. The locals don't seem to have noticed yet though







 

 

 

Frankly I don't know what the rules are in other countries.

In the UK we are HEAVILY governed by the ABPI (Association of British Pharma Industries) Code Of Conduct which is rigidly enforced, not least because competing companies will instantly report others' infractions, and fines can often be 7 figures or more.

Drives the sales teams mad how strictly this is enforced. In fact in one company I worked with, the department responsible for approving (or not approving) customer meetings was known as the 'sales prevention department'.

Here sales organises trainings and knows when to leave the room when the trainer signals it’s time for the “off-label” bit, which is of course what actually sells the product to the doctors. 

[Bungo]

Probably the case here with all the big multinational pharma companies already. The locals don't seem to have noticed yet though

 

 

Frankly I don't know what the rules are in other countries.

In the UK we are HEAVILY governed by the ABPI (Association of British Pharma Industries) Code Of Conduct which is rigidly enforced, not least because competing companies will instantly report others' infractions, and fines can often be 7 figures or more.

Drives the sales teams mad how strictly this is enforced. In fact in one company I worked with, the department responsible for approving (or not approving) customer meetings was known as the 'sales prevention department'.