The Ashes.

[only1billybonds]

Just been announced that Josh Hazlewood will miss the first test due to start in Perth next Friday. This is a big blow to the Australians as they will already be without their captain and no.1 pace bowler Pat Cummins.

Englands preparations for the tour has been questioned by many as they have opted to play no warm up games aside from a one off against the English lions. 

Many are saying that its crucial that we get of to a good start in Perth which basically means we cant afford to lose seeing as the 2nd test in Brisbane is a day/night game ( fucking ridiculous) where the Aussies are strongly fancied.

Looking forward to this now but really unsure of how it will play out, I guess I'd still make them slight favourites due to home advantage. Going to be a few all nighters in the coming weeks for me, let's hope it'll be worth it.

[Fauxstralian]

It would have been perfect for the England cricket team
Bars, golf courses & a massive casino at Crown for Bryden C Arse 

[fraser]

Would have been good acclimatisation to the weather & pitches

More useful than watching the Melbourne rain & clubbing with drugged up toothless old English migrants dancing to mindless repetitive music wearing sandals & socks 
Though I understand the leader of those bogans was deported 

Sounds like you're talking about yourself Sven son, is that how you roll toothless and wearing sandals with socks, that's a very Aussie trait. 

Because you're supposedly describing Brits and you are one, but you'll know as well as I do there's a lot more toothless scag  and crackheads in oz. 

[fraser]

I'm not impressed with the way we've prepared at all but nobody should have to spend a month in Perth 

Take it it's shit then?

To be fair it's a lovely city and there are great beaches there, aesthetically it's good.. It's just really quiet and boring. Spent a long weekend there and the streets are literally empty. 

[Massive Attack]

I'm not impressed with the way we've prepared at all but nobody should have to spend a month in Perth 

Take it it's shit then?

[Fauxstralian]

Would have been good acclimatisation to the weather & pitches

More useful than watching the Melbourne rain & clubbing with drugged up toothless old English migrants dancing to mindless repetitive music wearing sandals & socks 
Though I understand the leader of those bogans was deported 

[fraser]

I'm not impressed with the way we've prepared at all but nobody should have to spend a month in Perth 

[Fauxstralian]

For a start England should have cancelled the white ball tour of NZ and arrived in Perth a month before the First Test
Ended up playing a knock up game against the Lions at a suburban ground at Lilac Hill
The WACA was being used for the Western Australia v Queensland Sheffield Shield game but was free the week before
Even if the pitch at Canberra was different to Brisbane a d/n game there might have meant some useful catching practice under lights before they caught abysmally at Brisbane.
Every decisions seems to have prioritised golf over cricket

Effectively have a squad of 35 with the Lions following them around but brought one specialist spinner (if that’s the right term for Bashir) & only two openers.
Their spare batsman Bethell has never scored a century & hardly played last summer as he trailed around with the squad and was released for ONE county game. Hopefully he can borrow a bat for Boxing Day

[Takashi Miike]

it's strange hearing that these runs/exercise sessions were optional. that, for a start, encourages laziness and piss taking. the ecb need to sack that twat in charge, I don't care if it's "a long tour"," they're away from their family", "they're under immense pressure" bollocks. most of the pressure, negativity is self induced by how bad they've been. and the behaviour/drinking culture of past tour teams was a different era, they should be more professional now, especially when every cսnt's recording/reporting your every move

[fraser]

Melbourne weather is shit at the moment... Wouldn't fancy being over there boxing day watching the cricket...

[Westham67]

Our best bowler out, I worry about Bethel being thrown into this mess with potentially 100,000 spectators watching on

[Fauxstralian]

A couple of preparation items:
McCullum responding to criticism of the Noosa break said it had been organised a year ago
At the beginning of October, 6 weeks before the tour England didn’t have a bowling coach. Dale Steyn was contacted but was otherwise engaged

[Massive Attack]

Bethell should have been played in the line-up in the last test. 

[Fauxstralian]

England name their team for Boxing Day at the MCG
Ollie Pope dropped & Jofra Archer out for the series with a left side strain
Replaced by Jacob Bethell & Gus Atkinson

[Westham67]

Rob Key discusses preparation, performance and the trip to Noosa as the fallout of the Ashes defeat begins. Plus, we talk through it all with Stephan Shemilt and George Dobell. C+P On BBC sound, TMS well worth a listen with Shemilt and Dobell

[Westham67]

Struggled to catch the ball standing back so maybe STAND UP (Alex Carey style) is worth a try

 

TMS pointed out that Woakes could do that. Non-stop digs at Bazball

[Fauxstralian]

Struggled to catch the ball standing back so maybe STAND UP (Alex Carey style) is worth a try

[Come On You Irons]

Jamie Smith was the only player in the Test team who joined the run

That doesn't surprise me. He's West Ham, so he's bound to be a pwopa standup geeza.

[Fauxstralian]

Jamie Smith was the only player in the Test team who joined the run

[Westham67]

Seems they spent 2 days drinking after finishing early at Brisbane plus 4 days hammered at Noosa
Stokes invited the squad to do a 12km run while at Noosa. No takers
The fitness guy organised another run. 3 players took him up, 2 of whom weren’t in the team

An unprofessional shambles who have blown a chance against an injury weakened Australia who as a squad are coming to an end anyway
McCullum has to resign but it will cost $2m to sack him so will likely carry on in his ‘fun gig’

I heard the same about the fitness run

[Fauxstralian]

Seems they spent 2 days drinking after finishing early at Brisbane plus 4 days hammered at Noosa
Stokes invited the squad to do a 12km run while at Noosa. No takers
The fitness guy organised another run. 3 players took him up, 2 of whom weren’t in the team

An unprofessional shambles who have blown a chance against an injury weakened Australia who as a squad are coming to an end anyway
McCullum has to resign but it will cost $2m to sack him so will likely carry on in his ‘fun gig’

[Westham67]

Key is going to investigate players on the piss after the GABBA and on holiday at Noosa

[Fauxstralian]

For a long time I thought Michael Neser was an adult migrant from S Africa like Bryden C Arse seeking a pay cheque but seems he was another child migrant like Labuschagne, Khawaja & Inglis
Two Aboriginal players in Boland & Doggett in the squad

No Cummins, Hazlewood or Lyon at Melbourne , maybe Joe Root can make up for never winning a Test in Australia by getting another century

[Eerie Decent]

Any actual Aussies in the squad?

[Fauxstralian]

So after 3 Tests :
Hazlewood - not played at all
Cummins - one Test
Lyon - 1 incomplete Test & 2 overs at Perth
Khawaja - passenger at Perth & misses Brisbane
Smith - misses Adelaide 

And still the pub arsonist pinhead Stuart Broad still doesnt regret saying it’s the worst Australian team & BEST England team in 15 years

Jhye Richardson & Todd Murphy added to the squad for Melbourne with Steve Smith also available 

[Monsieur merde de cheval]

I watched that mate, McGrath is no banter man is he