Valentin (Taty) Castellanos

[stubbo-admin]

Signed, Sealed. Delivered. 

5 year contract (until he's 32!!).  26m + Add Ons.

Welcome Taty.  Good Luck!

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

What's this cսnt Nuno's master plan? We let in 4 but score 5.

[95 North - Let Yourself Go]

Let’s hope his football skills are better than his barnet!

[claypole]

I hope he is ready for Wrexham on a wet Tuesday night next season

[boleyn8420]

If this useless twat of a manager thinks they are good, well that's just great. He thought Pablo was so good he left him on the bench the entire match. The sooner we sack Nuno the better, he has been trying to get sacked from Day 1.
1 point from Fulham, Brighton and Wolves.
No clean sheets.
No wins in 9.
Win ratio of 13%.
Plays with no striker at home.
Plays full backs on the wrong side.
Keeps playing Paqueta and Kilman

I mean for the love of God what else has the poor bloke got to do to get sacked, he is trying everything he knows. 

[Massive Attack]

According to the club website he's Nuno's man.
Take it then that Pablo will just be a bench warmer alongside Wilson. Thus the reason for giving the latter the full 90 minutes,I expect it's also the reaaon Pablo or Earthy never came on as if either had scored or played well then Nuno would be obliged to start 1 of them or both. Has to be.
The spin on Taty's signing is like we have bought Harry Kane. He's going to save our season .
I fear Nuno is here to stay even if we lose to Forest

Nuno's quote about the new guys:

“They are two players that I really believe can bring new things to the team. We had many, many names coming across and Pablo and Taty were the ones that I personally consider that can create an impact. Us as coaches and clubs, these are good chances to try and rebalance."

massive alarm bells, this is the same guy that thought Ollie Scarles could play RB

And Paqueta continually as a Centre Forward.

[onsideman]

Based on nothing but gut feeling, I think he’s going to be a bit of a cult hero. I get the impression he’ll run himself into the ground. We have a fairly decent hit ratio with Argies. They always seem more up for the fight in this country than the Brazilian’s who think they can continue their beach style football over here. 

Zarate Tarrico, Calleri and Rodriguez notwithstanding

Oi! Leave Zarate alone. I actually didn't mind him. Agreed on the rest!

 

 

OK... I'm prepared to give him a pass for our 2nd at the Emirates that fine August day

[Rossal]

According to the club website he's Nuno's man.
Take it then that Pablo will just be a bench warmer alongside Wilson. Thus the reason for giving the latter the full 90 minutes,I expect it's also the reaaon Pablo or Earthy never came on as if either had scored or played well then Nuno would be obliged to start 1 of them or both. Has to be.
The spin on Taty's signing is like we have bought Harry Kane. He's going to save our season .
I fear Nuno is here to stay even if we lose to Forest

Nuno's quote about the new guys:

“They are two players that I really believe can bring new things to the team. We had many, many names coming across and Pablo and Taty were the ones that I personally consider that can create an impact. Us as coaches and clubs, these are good chances to try and rebalance."

massive alarm bells, this is the same guy that thought Ollie Scarles could play RB

[Massive Attack]

Based on nothing but gut feeling, I think he’s going to be a bit of a cult hero. I get the impression he’ll run himself into the ground. We have a fairly decent hit ratio with Argies. They always seem more up for the fight in this country than the Brazilian’s who think they can continue their beach style football over here. 

Zarate Tarrico, Calleri and Rodriguez notwithstanding

Oi! Leave Zarate alone. I actually didn't mind him. Agreed on the rest!

[stubbo-admin]

Adding their second striker of the January transfer window already, West Ham United have announced the signing of Valentin ‘Taty’ Castellanos from Lazio. The Argentinian joins after scoring 22 goals and producing 16 assists in two-and-a-half seasons with I Biancocelesti to add his brand of aggressive centre-forward play to the West Ham frontline.Having missed an earlier part of the season, Castellanos’ two goals and three assists this season aren’t a true reflection of his form in Rome and assessing his contribution on a per 90 basis better reveals his impact on Maurizio Sarri’s side.

With a goal or assist coming at a better rate than one-in-two (0.65 per 90), Castellanos ranks top of the entire Lazio squad for real-terms output and above players like Marcus Thuram (0.64) and Kevin De Bruyne (0.63) in the wider Serie A dataset.With fewer interruptions, his 2024/25 campaign gives a better representation of Castellanos’ ability and 14 goals and eight assists in all competitions is undeniably a very healthy return.

Ranking as Lazio’s primary source of chance accumulation with 0.43 non-penalty expected goals racked up every match – similar to players like Hugo Ekitike (0.46 per 90) and Ollie Watkins (0.45) in this season’s Premier League – Castellanos is able to swing momentum in matches by consistently popping up in the right positions to get shots off. In fact, his 3.96 shots per 90 blew all of his teammates out of the water and ranked outright top in Serie A last season.This reflects the level of attacking involvement that Castellanos is able to have in every game. Whilst some strikers opt to occupy the centre-backs, stay between the sticks and wait for the bigger chances to come, Castellanos is far too combative and energetic to do just that.

He prefers to mix his box activity with dropping deep to connect with teammates, rolling wide to carry the ball forwards and win free-kicks, chasing after every long ball before finally finding a way to get a shot off from any angle, no matter how improbable. These traits will all be particularly useful for current West Ham Head Coach Nuno Espírito Santo. Where Callum Wilson and new signing Pablo Felipe are defined by their productivity in front of goal and ability to take chances when they come – crocodiles in the box that are able to have devastating impact in the final actions – Castellanos is more of a wolf, hunting down and tiring his opposition with relentless running and constant demand for service, eventually forcing the goals he so richly deserves.This is backed up by the data where Castellanos ranked in the top 12% of strikers in Italy for touches in the penalty area (5.85 per 90), in the top 20% for shot-creating defensive actions, the top 34% for shot-creating fouls drawn and the top 46% for shot-creating take-ons whilst simultaneously being the leader for shot-creating shots; often speculative efforts that went on to produce further chances via deflections or rebounds. Putting this together makes him a top 50% creator of chances across four different chance-creation types, something only an exceedingly small group of strikers can match across Europe. Only Hugo Ekitike and Donyell Malen have managed this amongst strikers in the Premier League this season with both having similar all-action profiles, finding consistent high impact involvement in every game they play.

Further to his brilliant creation of chances for others alongside his reliable xG accumulation, Castellanos also performs well as a physical disruptor and target at the top of the pitch. Serie A is well known for being a defensively strong league with fewer goals scored per round of fixtures than any of the other top five leagues, making it even more impressive that Castellanos still stands out aerially despite being under six feet tall. Winning 53.1% of his aerials whilst contesting 4.84 of these duels per match marked him out as one of the best target forwards in Italy last season. If directly transposed into the Premier League, Castellanos would rank fourth amongst strikers. Amazingly, that’s above players like Jean-Philippe Mateta (38.8%), Dominic Calvert-Lewin (38%) and Chris Wood (36.7%) who are all credited for their impact as aerially dominant target strikers.

Even if we factor for the difference in leagues, where aerial duels are approximately 6% harder to win in England, Castellanos would still theoretically sit alongside Tolu Arokodare (53.8%), Brian Brobbey (54.5%) and Erling Haaland (62.9%) as one of just four Premier League strikers to win more than 50% of his aerial duels.For any striker joining West Ham, the relationship they can develop with Jarrod Bowen will be critical. The West Ham captain has scored 80 goals in all competitions in Claret and Blue and is an incredible finisher of chances. Promisingly, alongside all of the chance creation mentioned earlier, Castellanos ranks highly for through balls (0.34 per 90) and progressive passes (2.49), finishing inside the top 10% amongst Serie A forwards last season for the former. This indicates his willingness to drop deeper, dragging centre-backs with him and opening space for wingers to run into, before spinning to slot those wingers in – an area of his game that could dovetail brilliantly with Bowen.

Having played in five different leagues and 16 different competitions, there can be no doubt over the incredible amount of experience Castellanos has. At 27 years old, he has featured in tournaments ranging from the UEFA Champions League to the Uruguayan second division, scoring in all but four of the competitions he has played in (with two of those totalling just 104 minutes at the very beginning of his career in South America). The Argentinian will join with full confidence that he can make his mark on the Premier League this season and help take Nuno’s side into improved form in 2026.

*Written by the Analytics United mob

[stubbo-admin]

According to the club website he's Nuno's man.
Take it then that Pablo will just be a bench warmer alongside Wilson. Thus the reason for giving the latter the full 90 minutes,I expect it's also the reaaon Pablo or Earthy never came on as if either had scored or played well then Nuno would be obliged to start 1 of them or both. Has to be.
The spin on Taty's signing is like we have bought Harry Kane. He's going to save our season .
I fear Nuno is here to stay even if we lose to Forest

Nuno's quote about the new guys:

“They are two players that I really believe can bring new things to the team. We had many, many names coming across and Pablo and Taty were the ones that I personally consider that can create an impact. Us as coaches and clubs, these are good chances to try and rebalance."

[onsideman]

Based on nothing but gut feeling, I think he’s going to be a bit of a cult hero. I get the impression he’ll run himself into the ground. We have a fairly decent hit ratio with Argies. They always seem more up for the fight in this country than the Brazilian’s who think they can continue their beach style football over here. 

Zarate Tarrico, Calleri and Rodriguez notwithstanding

[F 129 Row66]

Will he be called spud?

[Massive Attack]

Unlike the Kitson and Harton transfers, these 2 are very expensive and inexperienced in this League punts with an unimpressive track record. Although to be fair in Pablos case he is only just starting out coming from the Portuguese League.

Nearly £50M and most of that went on a bloke who could only manage 16 goals in 75 Serie A games, 2 in 11 this season (Wilson has double that amount in the Prem) in 3 seasons at Lazio. Others may be impressed with that kind of business and ability but I'm not going by that level of goalscoring output. 

It might work out keeping us up but seems very unlikely and certainly aint cheap to do it. Hopefully they instantly manage to find a mad purple patch that has the desired effect. Got to hit the ground running which only adds to the intense pressure that's already here.

[RBshorty]

Welcome No58.!

[Massive Attack]

Nope. We never ever fucking learn - Formed in 1895.

[goose]

5 year fucking deal!!??

do we never learn?

[BoleynGone]

According to the club website he's Nuno's man.
Take it then that Pablo will just be a bench warmer alongside Wilson. Thus the reason for giving the latter the full 90 minutes,I expect it's also the reaaon Pablo or Earthy never came on as if either had scored or played well then Nuno would be obliged to start 1 of them or both. Has to be.
The spin on Taty's signing is like we have bought Harry Kane. He's going to save our season .
I fear Nuno is here to stay even if we lose to Forest

[Fauxstralian]

Taking Fullkrug’s number 11
Think it’s always been obvious that the on loan German is never coming back

[Vexed]

Taters you're fucking bonkers but welcome son. 

Stick him straight in at the expense of..... any of the cunts. 

[Tomshardware]

Start this lad tomorrow night and we might have a chance. We need a spark and this lad looks like he might be up for the fight.  

[yngwies Cat]

Probably go down with West Ham like the General Belgrano.

In the mean time welcome aboard son.
 

[Ron Eff]

Based on nothing but gut feeling, I think he’s going to be a bit of a cult hero. I get the impression he’ll run himself into the ground. We have a fairly decent hit ratio with Argies. They always seem more up for the fight in this country than the Brazilian’s who think they can continue their beach style football over here. 

[stubbo-admin]

[twoleftfeet]

2 forwards on the bench for Tuesday, Wilson guaranteed another 90 minutes.

[Far Cough UKunt]

Tevez couldn't speak a word of English and yet he single handedly "saved us from relegation"