What's the most useless Christmas present you have ever had.

[arsene york-hunt]

"1. Exercise bike, gets used about once then dumped after using up space for a year or two. 2 Gift box of Gentlemen's fragrances. Things that are never used like Aftershave 3. Gloves. usually lose one after first use. 4.Teasmade alarm 5, Hostess Trolley"

[Hammer and Pickle]

"Not at all useless but somewhat unusual - a heavy-duty aquarium glass cleaner. Basically a super-powerful magnet sandwich, it serves its intended purpose admirably. However, if allowed to come together outside the aquarium, it either binds so tight it can only be prised open with a knife, or shoots apart at some considerable velocity. In the wrong hands, this a rather nifty torture device, oh yes it is."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"When I was married, we used to have the In-laws down from Scotland for Christmas. One year they presented me with a bottle of Glenfiddich, which I felt rather touching. After we'd dined, the (step-) mother in law opened said bottle (on my behalf) and finished it, save for a single tot I was allowed, in the course of the afternoon evening. Turned out she was a screaming alcoholic. To make matters worse, I found out on the Boxing Day, that it was actually a bottle of my own Glenfiddich that she'd pilfered from my drinks cabinet and given as a present. That was the last time we had (her) family stay in the holidays - or at all."

[chevy chase]

Not received but got my sister a WW2 Gas Mask from a market in Amsterdam and also bought a Fire Extinguisher from ALDI for my Niece.

[jfk]

It’s one horrible bitch that’s not welcomed anywhere anymore. Fingers crossed it hits a jumbo jet on its fucking broomstick .

[jfk]

Two air bricks for our fire place (wrong size)courtesy of the mother in law the fucking Fat cսnt

[lowlife]

A corby tie press. I was puzzled.

[side effect]

I told my mum not to buy me any clothes whatsoever as I'm very fussy what I wear Well she only got me an oldies type wooly jumper. I threw it straight in her face. Merry Christmas all That's the spirit.

[MrTrentReznor]

My mother (bit of a religious type) went to 'The Holy Land' decades ago & bought a sheep skin gilet as a present for me. It was hideous. I refused it. Last night my mother rang my 18 year old daughter & offered her the same sheep skin gilet as a Christmas present. It's something like 35 years & she still hasn't found a taker.

[Gary Strodders shank]

"The ex mum always got me a QPR calender As her son's daughters, husband etc were all Rangers she just presumed I was and seemed to cock a deafen when we tactfully tried to break it to her I was of a different faith. The ex even used to annually retrieve it from the rubbish bin and place it on the wall (above the Hammers one) every time the old bat visited as not to offend Apparently she always used to make a pilgrimage to South Africa road every December and purchase a job lot of branded tat for all the relatives and extended family. As our somewhat bizarre and turbulent relationship was drawing to a close my final Xmas gift was a token ""don't follow me follow Rangers"" keyring I kept that as a poignant reminder."

[Kearley]

Ex mother in law got me a Beatles calendar. Totally random. Another year she wrapped up a plastic measuring jug and whisk. And another time a Mr Sheen spray can. My dad and brother used to phone me up to see what she got me.

[greenie1]

"Huge Flip Flops from my Grandad. When I say huge they were the size of those square floats you used to get when learning to swim. I got my own back on him, the next Xmas, I wrapped them up, gave him the parcel, he got excited, opened them and looked all deflated as he realised I'd given them back."

[Manuel]

Toms - They're not in the tropics!

[Tomshardware]

I find socks useful Manuel.

[1964]

Another jumper to add to the 65 I've already got.

[Manuel]

"Don't know, can't remember. But at a guess it would have to be socks."

[Mike Oxsaw]

The baby Jesus.

[Pagey]

A Pink Panther toothbrush holder.

[zico]

"Travel noughts and crosses, I mean to be fair you only need a pen and paper!"

[Alfs]

"My ex sister-in-law got me a miniature (6"" x 2"") snooker table."

[goose]

Danny Ings