New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Mike Oxsaw]

"If Moyes is still with us next year There's few on here that would cheer, But if he is gone, I'll break into song, And may even buy you a beer. Can fat Frank dig out his first win? Or is his career in the bin?"

[Helmut Shown]

I can't wait for the season to end It's driving me right round the bend Will we go down? Will we wear a frown? Because we're unable to defend If Moyes is still with us next year There's few on here that would cheer

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"To bet on West Ham is a punt For the top half, we're not in the hunt But if you should choose To bet that we'd lose You surely be at the forefront I can't wait for the season to end It's driving me right round the bend"

[Fifth Column]

"The youth teams pre season tour Will see them visit Bangalore After scoring a dozen They’ll go Bollywood clubbing And end up with pussy galore To bet on West Ham is a punt For the top half, we're not in the hunt"

[Pee Wee]

What do we all think of Leeds? Will Sam get them out of the weeds Like the cupped ears v Hull The style will be dull But will score more than he concedes The youth teams pre season tour Will see them visit Bangalore

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

It really makes me want to eff Playing Manure AND the ref They’re always a threat Without the call that they get But the powers that be are tone deaf What do we all think of Leeds? Will Sam get them out of the weeds

[Helmut Shown]

Do you think there's any Afghans Who identify themselves as trans In Kabul they're castigated They'll end up castrated But they'll make him hang on to his glans It really makes me want to eff Playing Manure AND the ref

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"I'm identifying as a bird, I can use female spaces I've heard But if you need a poo Use the gentleman's loo Any other is simply absurd Do you think there's any Afghans Who identify themselves as trans"

[arsene york-hunt]

"What I thought was a fine young filly Turned out to be sporting a willy, An Etonian toff Asking to be sucked off It was covered in Heinz Picallil. I'm identifying as a bird, I can use female spaces I've heard"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

I’ll be getting rather despondent If I see another “Royal Correspondent” This is one of those times When there are few rhymes So I’ll just throw in the word ‘fondant’ What I thought was a fine young filly Turned out to be sporting a willy

[Helmut Shown]

"Two gay men having a bumfuck, When one up the anus got stuck One uphill gardener Used Viagra as a hardener They’ll have to tow him out with a truck I’ll be getting rather despondent If I see another “Royal Correspondent”"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Three of our players are “sick” What is Moyes doing? the prick. A painful session, Fuck all possession, Our football gets on my wick. Two gay men having a bumfuck, When one up the anus got stuck"

[Helmut Shown]

James Cordon has shot his last show How he’s a success I don’t know He’s fulfilled all his dreams In America it seems That loudmouths are the status quo Three of our players are “sick” What is Moyes doing? the prick.

[Pee Wee]

Embarrassment awaits us tonight If we continue to play Moyes shite I’ve said all along His appointment was wrong And it’s important you know I was right James Cordon has shot his last show How he’s a success I don’t know

[Helmut Shown]

"Fat Samuel once told fans to zip it The pervert he likes to touch whippets The Walrus, its said Likes to wank in his bed But can't reach past his gut to grip it Embarrassment awaits us tonight If we continue to play Moyes shite"

[Pee Wee]

"""i wont be watching"" he stated, ""When King Charlie gets coronated” I’ll just stay in bed And watch Suits instead Don’t know why Megan Markle is hated Fat Samuel once told fans to zip it The pervert he likes to touch whippets"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Standing at the urinal today I glanced to my left, oi vey! An hasidic jew, Had his head down the loo, I thought it a strange way to pray. ""i wont be watching"" he stated, ""When King Charlie gets coronated***."" ***A neologism used by a guest on a news programme today."

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"The French always think they're the best They sure know to stage a protest The land of the frogs has gone to the dogs A result of the muzzies, I guess Standing at the urinal today I glanced to my left, oi vey!"

[Pee Wee]

"Lets talk about Jeremy Hunt For sure the man has some front His singing is bland universally canned Oh hang on, I think that's James Blunt The French always think they're the best They sure know to stage a protest"

[Helmut Shown]

Mary Whitehouse the world famous prude Walked in on me while i was nude To be perfectly frank I was having a wank She waited 'til she saw cum extrude Lets talk about Jeremy Hunt For sure the man has some front

[Helmut Shown]

Mary Whitehouse the world famous prude Walked in on me while i was nude To be perfectly frank I was having a wank She waited 'til she saw cum extrude Lets talk about Jeremy Hunt For sure the man has some front

[Pee Wee]

While listening to some Nat Kin Cole I had an itch on my arse'ole under nails on my finger the smell it did linger you could its 'Unforgettable' Mary Whitehouse the world famous prude Walked in on me while i was nude

[arsene york-hunt]

"This summer we will see the Ashes Much bigger than the Indian big bashes, But there's always some, Drink too much beer or rum, And expose themselves doing slashes While listening to some Nat Kin Cole I had an itch my arse'ole"

[Pee Wee]

The royal sycophants proliferating I think they need obliterating Worse are those that moan about who's on the throne A point that seems to need reiterating This summer we will see the Ashes Much bigger than the Indian big bashes

[Helmut Shown]

"With Charlie about to be king A new national anthem we’ll sing Prince Andrew we won't see But between you and me He's at Windsor, babysitting The royal sycophants proliferating I think they need obliterating"