THE joke threads (part 5)

[Mad Dog]

Usual rules apply

[Mad Dog]

Keep the bickering off this thread. Jokes only

[Trevor B]

"Yep, you've lost the plot old boy. EIGHT posts in a row aimed at one poster? Think about that for a moment. No need to reply, just have a think."

[Willtell]

Trevor B 11:42 I was trying to see your point of view Trev but I couldn't get my head that far up my arse... I reckon my jokes about Swiss are some of the better jokes on here...

[Aalborg Hammer]

"A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the Police. The police officer approaches him and asks: ""Have you been drinking Sir?"" ""Why?"" asks the man, ""Was I driving badly?"" ""No"" replies the Officer, ""You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious"""

[Trevor B]

"Pee Wee 5:13 Wed May 3 Re: THE joke threads (part 5) If ever a thread needed renaming C'mon mods, do your duty......"

[Willtell]

Q: Why does Swiss's penis have a hole in it? A: So he can get oxygen to his brain.

[Willtell]

"Swiss. 5:04 Wed May 3 ""Oh dear Willtell. Total melt down. Stalking me around on threads now. You're going all Aaron Lennon on me."" If I wanted to hear from an arsehole I'd fart....."

[Willtell]

"Reply Swiss. 4:35 Tue Apr 25 ""Willtell To be honest mugging you off constantly is getting a bit boring no."" Clearly you mugging me off isn't that boring is it?"

[Pee Wee]

If ever a thread needed renaming

[Trevor B]

"Eight on the spin? Fucking hell, that's desperate!"

[Swiss.]

Oh dear Willtell. Total melt down. Stalking me around on threads now. You're going all Aaron Lennon on me. I'd rest up a bit old man. Not good for the old ticker. Or check put those marrows in your allotment.

[Aalborg Hammer]

I bought my wife a hamster skin coat for her birthday-500 hamster skins went into it. I took her to Thorpe Park for the day and couldn't get her off the big wheel

[Aalborg Hammer]

They've discovered there's an Irish Mafia...they found two blokes with their heads tied together and shot through the hands

[Too Much Too Young]

"Teacher at school of hammerettes. Ok Beyonce, use a sentence with the word contagious? Bey "" Mr Billic has only been given 30 million to build a good squad and my dad said it would take the contagious."

[Sniper]

Ray That actually made me chuckle

[ray winstone]

Fucking hell.....

[Willtell]

"An Englishman, Irishman and Swiss come across a magic slide. The slide operator tells them when they slide down, whatever they shout out for is what they will land in at the bottom. The Englishman goes first and yells ""Gold!"" and lands in gold. The Irishman goes next and screams ""Silver!"" so he lands in silver. Swiss looks down the slide and, being afraid of heights, closes his eyes and jumps, crying out ""OH SH*T!"""

[Willtell]

If Swiss fell into the English Channel that would be unfortunate. If someone rescued him that would be a calamity...

[Willtell]

How often did you reckon you mug me off Swiss?

[Willtell]

"Swiss was in a restaurant with his girlfriend when, all of a sudden, he got down on one knee. ""Oh Swiss""ù she cried. ""I can't believe this is happening!""ù ""Shut the fuck up,""ù he said, peering over the table. ""My wife's just walked in.""ù"

[Willtell]

"Reporter: ""Excuse me, may I interview you?"" Man: ""Yes!"" Reporter: ""Name?"" Man: ""Swiss."" Reporter: ""Sex?"" Man: ""Three to five times a week."" Reporter: ""No no! I mean male or female?"" Man: ""Yes, male, female..."" Reporter: ""Holy cow!"" Man: ""Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."" Reporter: ""But isn't that hostile?"" Man: ""Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."" Reporter: ""Oh dear!"" Man: ""No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."""

[Willtell]

What's the best thing about the Swiss? Absolutely nothing except their flag is a big plus....

[Willtell]

"Swiss: Shall we try a new position tonight darling? Wife: Sure. You go stand by the ironing board, and I'll sit on the couch watching West Ham while drinking beer and farting...."

[Willtell]

Since when did you become a judge? Stick to clock watching and making Hammer & Pickle sound intelligent...

[Swiss.]

Aalborg - that made me chuckle Willtell - Stick to your Brexit posts. Much funnier.