New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Down on the Essex foreshores The girls walk around with no drawers. The smell on the breeze Would make the gulls sneeze And all the crabs rattle their claws. So NASA has gone back into space, Their rocket shot off at a pace."

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young girl from Porton Farted like a 500 Norton. Three long blasts Two slurry broadcasts And for a full stop she let out a short 'un Down on the Essex foreshores The girls walk around with no drawers

[arsene york-hunt]

"The huntsman had mounted his steed For a jolly good ride, yes indeed! Shouting Tallyho! When she gave him a blow. And blooded the sheets don't y'know. There was a young girl from Porton Farted like a 500 Norton."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A destitute young girl from Iran, Took punters in an old caravan. When she took off her veil They started ti wail. Turns out ""she"" was really a man. The huntsman had mounted his steed For a jolly good ride, yes indeed!"

[arsene york-hunt]

"He liked to lick women’s creases And ended up covered in faeces, A sudden explosion, Of her faecal motion, Just deserts for abusing nieces. A destitute young girl from Iran, Took punters in an old caravan."

[Helmut Shown]

"Our girls rugby union team, Don't have many blokes it would seem Rug munchers perhaps Or plug ugly to chaps Would not generate a wet dream He liked to lick women’s creases And ended up covered in faeces"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A bird had a real painful gash All down to a labia rash, It was just last week she, Had confided in me, Caught from the seat, having a slash. Our girls rugby union team, Don't have many blokes it would seem"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Yet one more dismal display Mr Moyes, your tactics dismay. Much more of this shit, And that's about it. Moyesiah will be on his way. A bird had a real painful gash All down to a labia rash"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Yet one more dismal display Mr Moyes, your tactics dismay. Much more of this shit, And that's about it. Moyesiah will be on his way. A bird had a real painful gash All down to a labia rash"

[Helmut Shown]

"Protester's are a bunch of shites They're shitting on everyone's rights. For my contribution I suggest this solution The police go and punch out their lights Yet one more dismal display Mr Moyes, your tactics dismay"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Our Pantomime Dames: Hinge & Sprocket* Sure know how to empty your pocket. But there's a hitch No success on the pitch, But they're richer, so don't mock it. Protester's are a bunch of shites They're shitting on everyone's rights."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A big crowd with all the seats sold, To watch shit like this, leaves me cold. It's not an affliction, But more an addiction, A link back to ""good"" times of old. Our Pantomime Dames: Hinge & Sprocket* Sure know how to empty your pocket * - Gold & Sullivan for the hard of thinking."

[arsene york-hunt]

"This team will never go far As the ball’s spooned over the bar, Losing home to poor teams, Is shattering our dreams, It's not down to bad luck and Var. A big crowd with all the seats sold, To watch shit like this, leaves me cold."

[Helmut Shown]

"Old man Moysie, he had a dream, About picking an attack minded team, With a defence full of holes And missing open goals Same result but a different theme This team will never go far As the ball’s spooned over the bar"

[GBHammer63]

"A cyclist in the fast lane, Was hooted at, time and again, Oblivious to his affront, The Lycra clad cսnt, Rightly had the shit kicked out of him. Old man Moysie, he had a dream, About picking an attack minded team,"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A man from the mountains of Morne Found that his strides had got torn And his shreddies in bits, 'cos he'd got the shits So had a big dump on the lawn. A cyclist in the fast lane Was hooted at, time and again."

[arsene york-hunt]

"A frenchman who came from Boulogne In a fight got kicked in the groin, The man rummaged around, With the frog on the ground And his wallet he did purloin. A man from the mountains of Morne Found that his strides had got torn"

[Helmut Shown]

"I urgently needed a piss. Behind this bush? Oh! Utter bliss! ""Too close to a school Exposing your tool"" Said the beak with an audible hiss A frenchman who came from Boulogne In a fight got kicked in the groin"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I'm embarrassed to visit my nan. Since she caught me having a sher-man To make matters worse, Was in the back of her hearse, Along with some bloke with a tan. I urgently needed a piss. Behind this bush? Oh! Utter bliss!"

[arsene york-hunt]

"All the kids in the town of Fleet Took the piss out of his ten two feet, But they said fuck all, When he played football. 'Cos his banana shots were so sweet. I'm embarassed to visit my nan. Since she caught me having a sher-man"

[Helmut Shown]

"A bloke whom I'm sure I've heard tell Quasimodo, the name rings a bell? Esmeralda in the tower Offered him her flower And was going to dig the trench as well All the kids in the town of Fleet Took the piss out of his ten two feet"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A bumble bee sat on a flower, In need of some pollen, some power. He got bugger all, Was disturbed by a ball. So he stung the arse of Dave Gower. A bloke whom I'm sure I've heard tell Quasimodo, the name rings a bell?"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A very old lady from Crete, On a bus no-one gave up their seat. So she shat on the floor, And for an encore, She pissed upon everyone's feet. A bumble bee sat on a flower, In need of some pollen, some power."

[arsene york-hunt]

"A witch who was casting a spell, Began to feel really unwell. All this hubble bubble, Too much fucking trouble, I'll lie and listen, to Ravel. A very old lady from Crete, On a bus no-one gave up their seat."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A young girl from Inverness Walked round in a state of undress. The menfolk up there, Tried hard not to stare Which caused them no end of distress. A witch who was casting a spell, Began to feel really unwell."