New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Mike Oxsaw]

"He needed a shit on a train but he stood on the seat to strain But, the person sat there, Was fully aware, And shoved a cork up his domain. Why make these limericks hard? None of us match The Bard."

[Helmut Shown]

"There once was a Scotch man from Fife, Had man tits bigger than my wife As his waist was so thick It had shrunk his little dick It was hardly the staff of life He needed a shit on a train but he stood on the seat to strain"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Girls who are fat at the front Their privates are known as a “gunt” But there are some Call it the front bum, I was told by my neighbour, Herr Kundt. There once was a Scotch man from Fife, Had man tits bigger tham my wife"

[Helmut Shown]

"In a coffee shop in Lugano, I requested an Americano He looked down his nose As I adopted a pose Like a poor man’s Inspector Montalbano (Thanks for that Arsene!) Girls who are fat at the front Their privates are known as a “gunt”"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A widow with a spare coffee perc, Would often use it for a jerk, On her vulva vibrated 'Til passions were sated Making coffee? The cսnt didn't work. In a coffe shop in Lugano, I requested an Americano"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A widow with a spare coffee perc, Would often use it for a jerk, On her vulva vibrated 'Til passions were sated Making coffee? The cսnt didn't work. In a coffe shop in Lugano, I requested an Americano"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A young Indian girl from Darjeeling On trying anal sex started squealing Loose leaf or bags, With those types of shags, Neither is really appealing. A widow with a spare coffee perc, Would often use it for a jerk"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A young Indian girl from Darjeeling On trying anal sex started squealing Loose leaf or bags, With those types of shags, Neither is really appealing. A widow with a spare coffee perc, Would often use it for a jerk"

[Helmut Shown]

"A ""lady"" from near Canning Town Would drop 'em for just half a crown If you gave her five bob She'd suck on your knob Look up and swallow it down A young Indian girl from Darjeeling On trying anal sex started squealing"

[arsene york-hunt]

"People who get no action End up on Naked Attraction, A contestant named Jake, Had abdominal ache, Which was caused by faecal impaction. A ""lady"" from near Canning Town Would drop 'em for just half a crown"

[Helmut Shown]

"I ordered a vodka and coke, From the barman - a really nice bloke But the mixologist scum Was after my bum There's nowt as queer as folk People who get no action End up on Naked Attraction"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I always give my seat on the bus To pregnant PEOPLE to avoid fuss. But I drive and collect fares, So this often gets stares, And passengers quite often cuss. I ordered a vodka and coke, From the barman - a really nice bloke"

[arsene york-hunt]

"My Walker crisps are salt n vinegar I took no refugees from Dominica I have pointy big ears, I'm liked by the queers And the BBC pays a few knicker. I always give my seat on the bus To pregnant PEOPLE to avoid fuss."

[eswing hammer]

A perverted man from Gerrards Cross At his window stood having a toss. At first glance we thought blimey It has to be Mike Riley But no it’s our old mate Jon Moss My Walker crisps are salt n vinegar I took no refugees from Dominica

[arsene york-hunt]

"That bloke on the cricket Zak Crawley Whenever he plays he plays poorly Can't bowl, and can't catch, Guaranteed quick dispath, Be better off Robert Morely. A perverted man from Gerrards Cross At his window stood having a toss."

[Helmut Shown]

"We're a nation of victims and whiners, Of hair stylists, fashion designers Reality shows With pout lipped bimbos All with designer vaginas That bloke on the cricket Zak Crawley Whenever he plays he plays poorly"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Too early to open a beer? The time's about right somewhere near. Such decisions cause,stress My life's a great mess, I will top myself soon I fear. We're a nation of victims and whiners, Of hair stylists, fashion designers"

[Mike Oxsaw]

There's something terribly wrong To get a new signing's too long We do it in stages So Sully saves wages And pays for the players a song. Too early to open a beer? The time's about right somewhere near

[Helmut Shown]

"Like the buses you wait for a rhyme, And then two arrive at the same time Why limit the pleasure? By getting double measure Its not exactly a crime There's something terribly wrong To get a new signing's too long"

[arsene york-hunt]

** his job

[arsene york-hunt]

"As an average British bystander I think Boris should stay in Rwanda, This Etonian knob, Should fuck off from job, And work in the zoo feeding the panda An innocent man from the south, Was caught with a cock in his mouth, He turned out to be An old celebrity, Candid Camera's Jonathan Routh. Like the buses you wait for a rhyme, And then two arrive at the same time,"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A judge watching porn in his court, Thought it rather strange he got caught, It was on the big screen, Where all could be seen, Especially the sailors in port. An innocent man from the south, Was caught with a cock in his mouth"

[Helmut Shown]

"A judge watching porn in his court, Thought it rather strange he got caught For his perverse enjoyment He kept his employment Judicial standards fall short As an average British bystander I think Boris should stay in Rwanda"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A strange looking kid from China Had both a cock and vagina, Now he's in the dock As he exposed his cock, And minge to a horrified minor. A judge watching porn in his court, Thought it rather strange he got caught,"

[Helmut Shown]

"For actors to get any jobs, It seems they must expose their knobs The directors' perverse and the women fare worse Forced to put cocks in their gobs A strange looking kid from China Had both a cock and vagina"