New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

"I'm not saying the wife is a saint But she loves me to tickle her taint But what makes her come Is a thumb in her bum And comes hard enough to faint Donald Trump, between you and me Liked girls on his face to pee"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"A young man from near Stoke on Trent, Unsure if he's straight or he's bent, To discover the truth He contracted a sleuth A decision he would later lament I'm not saying the wife is a saint But she loves me to tickle her taint"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A bald bloke from darkest Peru Used to jump like an Aus kangaroo, Hit his head on the ceiling, And lost all his feeling, While bumming an old four--be two. A young man from near Stoke on Trent, Unsure if he's straight or he's bent,"

[cup of tea]

There young man from Andora Who licked a whore's labia minora The taste was quite nice So he added some rice Which reminded him of Derek Chisora A bald bloke from darkest Peru Used to jump like an Aus kangaroo

[arsene york-hunt]

"How long before the west are drawn in To put those damn ruskies in the bin Some rhymes here are shit And devoid of wit,, And the syllables? Well there are just so many of them, it really is a sin There young man from Andora Who licked a whore's labia minora"

[cup of tea]

"Yarmolenko set up a thriller Scoring first against Aston Villa He said ""fuck you ruskies"" Whilst fingering his huskies Whilst watching repeats on TV of ol' Cilla How long before the west are drawn in To put those damn ruskies in the bin"

[cup of tea]

"Yarmolenko set up a thriller Scoring first against Aston Villa He said ""fuck you ruskies"" Whilst fingering his huskies Whilst watching repeats on TV of ol' Cilla How long before the west are drawn in To put those damn ruskies in the bin"

[arsene york-hunt]

"As energy prices all rise I'll need to cut down on my pies, After filling the car, Money won't go too far, To squander it might not be wise. Yarmolenko set up a thriller Scoring first against Aston Villa"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A wise man from far off Cathay, Would masturbate five times a day He'd awaken at dawn With a stonking great horn And a smeg coated foreskin - Oy vey! As energy prices all rise I'll need to cut down on my pies"

[joe blob]

"It seems that the board have their way As in the PL we now stay, No ambition it seems, An end to our dreams, Until the cunts all go away. A wise man from far off Cathay, Would masturbate five times a day"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A man in Morrison's called Bart, Put fifty bean cans in his cart At one can per day, There's no better way Of making your flatulence start. It seems that the board have their way As in the PL we now stay,"

[arsene york-hunt]

"What's with all this gluten-free Wheat's never a problem for me, I know this sounds dire, But the weak must expire, It's pure Darwinism, you see. A man in Morrison's called Bart, Put fifty bean cans in his cart"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"""I liked Stamford Bridge"" He once said,, ""Watching our boys taking the shed."" When they looked at big Bill They lost all their will And it's lucky that none were brown bread What's with all this gluten-free Wheat's never a problem for me"

[joe blob]

"Sorry, ignore that. That cat business has been all forgot Now its the news of the Blues that is hot, Their status reduction A big points deduction? Plastic cunts will be all tears and snot. ""I liked Stamford Bridge"" He once said,, ""Watching our boys taking the shed."""

[joe blob]

"That cat business has been all forgot Now its the news of the Blues that is hot, Their status reduction A big points deduction? Who'll they now support, lot? Plastic cunts will be all tears and snot. ""I liked Stamford Bridge"" He once said,, ""Watching our boys taking the shed."""

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"Defeat, and it's ""Mountains of gloom"" But look in that glass - there is room There's room for a bit But I don't give a shit We've been bad since i've been in the womb That cat business has been all forgot Now its the news of the Blues that is hot"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"* on our way. Me and my fat fuckin' fingas, innit."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I thought we played well against Sevilla Next week we shall shout 'Dagos See Ya' Europe under lights? Excitement and frights, With luck we will be on out way. Defeat, and it's ""Mountains of gloom"" But look in that glass - there is room"

[Son of Sam]

"My next door neighbour's a shite Playing rock ""music"" late in the night Green Day and Black Sabbath Its become a bad habit Then Def Lepperd, Deep Purple till bright. I thought we played well against Sevilla Next week we shall shout 'Dagos See Ya'"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"My next door neighbour's a shite Playing rock ""music"" late in the night At least it's not rap Cos that really is crap But then he's not black he is white I suppose one nil weren't too bad Any worse and I'd really be mad"

[joe blob]

"My bucket list said that I will Get a haircut when in Seville. The bloke, an old scrotum, Sang Largo al Factotum, So loud it was making me ill. My next door neighbour's a shite Playing rock ""music"" late in the night"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I see we've been fighting the Hun I hope that the bastards got done, Acting silly arses With bottles and glasses, They're better with a machine gun. My bucket list says that I will Get a haircut when in Seville."

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"The Russian despot Vladimir, Said war would put him in good cheer The sanctions on oil Have made my blood boil thank goodness there not on my beer I see we've been fighting the Hun I hope that the bastards got done"

[arsene york-hunt]

*anxiety

[arsene york-hunt]

"For a ticket I would kill And get to fly to Seville, Fuck the anaxiety, I'l watch it on TV. A loss could make me feel ill. The Russian despot Vladimir, Said war would put him in good cheer"