New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young lady from Fleet Who wet herself out in the street She curled out a log By the Duck & Dog Under the memorial seat. The Pacifists wear a white poppy. Their choice, but I think they are soppy."

[Helmut Shown]

There an uncouth young man from Java Whose loud farting caused a palava For this anal abuse His only excuse Was the bubbles from a glass of Cava There was a young lady from Fleet Who wet herself out in the street

[arsene york-hunt]

An uncouth young man from Java Whose loud farting caused a palava

[arsene york-hunt]

"While sitting having poo A phantom hand flushed my loo, A massive great flush Of cold water did gush Which was good, as it cleaned out my flue. There an uncouth young man from Java Whose loud farting caused a palava"

[Helmut Shown]

"The barely dressed girls of Fiji Had a trick that they did on one knee With the other leg lifted Her weight skilfully shifted She farted ""I want to be free"" While sitting having poo A phantom hand flushed my loo"

[Helmut Shown]

"The barely dressed girls of Fiji Had a trick that they did on one knee With the other leg lifted Her weight skilfully shifted She farted ""I want to be free"" While sitting having poo A phantom hand flushed my loo"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"The grand old duke of York Used to wank his cock while out for a walk More often than not. The old ""Money shot"" Would happen in Derry or Cork. The barely dressed girls of Fiji Had a trick that they did on one knee"

[cup of tea]

"A young geezer from The Maldives, Often wipes his nose on his sleeves His snot was all green It just had to be seen Resembled murky old leaves The grand old duke of York Used to wank his cock while out for a walk"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Th vicar of Burnham-on-Sea Was stung o the arse by a bee. A choir boy did treat, The sting on his bare seat He's in shit now with the holy see. A young geezer from The Maldives, Often wipes his nose on his sleeves"

[arsene york-hunt]

"There was a young girl from Mauritius Whose sexual tastes were capricious And for just a few bob, She'd give you a blow job, Lick her lips and say ""Mmmm that's delicious"". A young geezer from The Maldives, Often wipes his nose on his sleeves"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young girl from Mauritius Whose sexual tastes were capricious She preferred it ""Back Doors"", In the dark, on all fours, Which made all her boyfriends suspicious. Th vicar of Burnham-on-Sea Was stung o the arse by a bee."

[Helmut Shown]

"A young lady from the Seychelles, On the beach her body she sells Thrice up the duff Through hawking her muff That exudes some unusual smells There was a young girl from Mauritius Whose sexual tastes were capricious"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Beating Burnley who're right out of form Or will they all over us storm, As in our times of need, Success ain't guaranteed Losing to shit teams as is the norm. A young lady from the Seychelles, On the beach her body she sells"

[arsene york-hunt]

Helmut & Mike Those last two Limericks are what makes this thread so enjoyable.

[Helmut Shown]

The florists have run out of flowers And Leicester are short on King Power's Will their bubble now burst Still it could be much worse They could have owners like ours Beating Burnley who're right out of form Or will they all over us storm

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha Should have gone home in a car. But he got in his head To use chopper instead. It took off, but didn't get far. The florists have run out of flowers And Leicester are short on King Power's"

[arsene york-hunt]

"So Noble, he picks up a red, With a rushing of blood to his head. With a jump and a shout, He took the cսnt out, And caused West Ham tears to be shed. Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha Should have gone home in a car."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Yet another last minute goal When it comes to bad luck we're on a roll So banish your troubles With a Chorus of ""Bubbles"" And hope that we ain't lost our soul. So Noble, he picks up a red, With a rushing of blood to his head."

[Helmut Shown]

"Sinead O'Connor it is said, Has something wrong in her head She shaved off her hair Now Islam's her fare Will she be growing a beard instead? Yet another last minute goal When it comes to bad luck we're on a roll"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A singer of progressive rock From the microphone, got a big shock. His arse then did emit, A lot of of unformed shit Which ran down his leg to his sock. Sinead O'Connor it is said, Has something wrong in her head."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young man called Wayne Who mooned from a passing train If the train had been faster Then the old station master Couldn't watch it again and again. A singer of progressive rock From the microphone, got a big shock."

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young lady called Lorna Who worked in a massage and sauna It was right out of order The hidden camcorder Now she's a star on Eporner There was a young man called Wayne Who mooned from a passing train

[arsene york-hunt]

"The tenor had started to sing, When something below just went ""ping!"", From the orchestra pit, A voice exclaimed: ""Oh shit!."" When the harpist broke his F string. There was a young lady called Lorna Who worked in a massage and sauna"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Young Taffy was after his oats Fed up with the sheep he tried goats But, try as he may, Could not get his way... So now prefers sailors in boats. The tenor had started to sing, When something below just went ""ping!"","

[Helmut Shown]

An old boy tried to shag his old dutch But her drawers were rotten at the crutch As she got on all fours The smell from her drawers Even for him was too much Young Taffy was after his oats Fed up with the sheep he tried goats