West Ham Online

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

"The board have dragged us to a bowl And now they have cut out our soul Turnover's increased But our good football's ceased As around the pitch our ""stars"" stroll There was a young man called Pete Who had a large stain on his sheet"

We're now 4/1 to go down In the league our defence gains renown I'd lump on real fast 'cos them odds won't last Our chairman's an absolute clown. The board have dragged us to a bowl And now they have cut out our soul

A man with a herpes Infection Was scratching at his naughty section He gained much more traction With a rubbing action But it left him with a painful erection We're now 4/1 to go down In the league our defence gains renown

"A man with a herpes Infection Was scratching at his naughty section, On the top of a bus Which caused quite a fuss An now he's been put on a section. There was a young man called Pete Who had a large stain on his sheet"

"There once was a lady called Daisy Who, they say, was so fucking lazy. She'd wash once a month Kept her house like a dump What's more she was bat shit crazy. A man with a herpes Infection Was scratching at his naughty section"

"There once was a fellow called Swallow Who all of us fans said they'd follow On a protest demo, Now he said he won't go And now in the shit he must wallow. There once was a lady called Daisy Who, they say, was so fucking lazy."

Old Doris made a tea for her Stan Who'd left her for a whore in Iran But then came a crisis - The slapper joined Isis And stopped putting out for our man. There once was a fellow called Swallow Who all of us fans said they'd follow

"While out on a trip to the Med He took a transvestite to bed He went down for a lick And was violently sick ""Your a man "", he screamed, as he fled. Old Doris made a tea for her Stan Who'd left her for a whore in Iran"

"Our players were all fucking shit, Can anyone make sense of it? They're not worth a rub Too long in the pub Undeserving of wearing the kit While out on a trip to the Med He took a transvestite to bed"

"The board have got in a right state They've left all the action too late The way we are playing, Th new fans won't be staying, Which will seriously effect our gate. Our players were all fucking shit, Can anyone make sense of it?"

"There was a young lady called Joan, Used to go out at night on her own She once asked a mate On a ""double-date"", And set it all up on her phone. The board have got in a right state They've left all the action too late"

"A cute lady from South Kentucky Had a brother called crazy chucky. He tied her to the bed Made her give him head, Then rough anal sex, very mucky. There was a young lady called Joan, Used to go out at night on her own."

"Said Hamlet to Ophelia, ""Bend over I want to feel ya"", She refused his sweet touch His appendage not much Laughed O "" Wouldn't wanna be ya"". A cute lady from South Kentucky Had a brother called crazy chucky."

"Said Hamlet to Ophelia, ""Bend over I want to feel ya"", She refused his sweet touch His appendage not much Laughed O "" Wouldn't wanna be ya"". A cute lady from South Kentucky Had a brother called crazy chucky."

"A young filly from Penzance Was on top of the stairs in a trance, About to swoon To her favourite tune Chris Montez singing Lets Dance. Said Hamlet to Ophelia, ""Bend over I want to feel ya,"""

A young man from near Baltimore. Went out nights to pick up a whore But being a gay Got the bus to Green Bay And a connecting flight to Lahore A young filly from Penzance Was on top of the stairs in a trance

"I got to the end of the book, But the last page was missing. By crook! The book, now I know, By d'Arcy Sarto Published incomplete, What the Fook! A young man from near Baltimore. Went out nights to pick up a whore"

"Having had far too much to drink I visited a skating rink I wasn't quite made For life on a blade, So back to the bar now, I think. I got to the end of the book, But the last page was missing. By crook!"

"This vicar, who had a big sub, Spent most of it down the puB. Gave sermons whilst drunk And loud farts that stunk Whilst finding a barmaid to rub Having had far too much to drink I visited a skating rink"

"A vicar once begged of his people ""Cough up and repair this fine steeple"" And cough up they did, Raising quite a few quid, But the vicar decided to keep all. This vicar, who had a big sub, Spent most of it down the pup."

"Our pornmonger triumvirate Leave many fans quite irate The tight-fisted sods Are raking in wads And claiming that everything's great. A vicar once begged of his people ""Cough up and repair this fine steeple"""

"A degenerate addict once said That Benylin fucks with my head the hallaucination Begs imagination Convinces me I'll soon be dead (as an aside- my younger sister used to be given Benylin for catarrh and colds quite a bit, but used to give her bad hallaucinations - she'd regularly get nightmares that the Hungry Caterpillar was eating her bed and would soon eat her!) Our pornmonger triumvirate Leave many fans quite irate"

There was a prostitute from Nimes Gave OAP discount it would seem An aged old dick but still in good nick Needs a tube of Viagra cream A degenerate addict once said That Benylin fucks with my head

"A News reader called Naga Munchety Whilst doing her job became sweaty She parted her thighs and up rolled her eyes, As she fell asleep on the settee. There was a prostitute from Nimes Gave OAP discount it would seem"

"A bombastic star of prog rock, Discovered that, much to his shock... Every groupie he'd shag Thought his music a drag They just worshipped his massive fat cock. A News reader called Naga Munchety Whilst doing her job became sweaty"