New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[joe blob]

*we

[joe blob]

"Wearing trousers halfway down to their knees These gangstas must feel the breeze When out and about Their arse hanging out What next? Frilly drawers and chemise? Next up we are playing the trotters, Will be beat these foul, northern rotters?"

[Helmut Shown]

"A young man from the island Nantucket, Bought a guitar and then tried to pluck it. He'd tried cor anglais But try as he may You'll get nothing out if you suck it Wearing trousers halfway down to their knees These gangstas must feel the breeze"

[joe blob]

"The size of his dick they abused So a vacuum enlarger he used, But when he plugged it in There was an awful din. And the whole of his terrace was fused. A young man from the island Nantucket, Bought a guitar and then tried to pluck it."

[Helmut Shown]

"The second trombonist, it's said, Would take the old cellist to bed. He'd get in the zone Playing rusty trombone When the cellist front bottom had bled The size of his dick they abused So a vacuum enlarger he used"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young slapper called Marge From her minge came a filthy discharge. The troops in the billet, Had all tried to fill it, And the last one to do so was ""sarge"". The second trombonist, it's said, Would take the old cellist to bed."

[joe blob]

"I think I might buy a new car, And then I can go really far. First to Bialystock, Then to Vladivostok On the way I might meet the Tsar. There was a young slapper called Marge From her minge came a filthy discharge."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"""No luck with the girls,"" he did say ""I think I will try being gay."" But it soon came to pass That the pain to his arse Turned him back to the girls for a lay. I think I might buy a new car, And then I can go really far."

[joe blob]

"Pulis, Hughes and Fat Sam Entertainment? They don't give a damn. They stink out the joint By respecting the point. Their tactics a fucking big sham. ""No luck with the girls,"" he did say ""I think I will try being gay."""

[Helmut Shown]

"I think I might go on a trip, It's got to be somewhere quite ""Hip"". Put on my new togs Where the upmarket Frogs Have a yacht the size of a ship Pulis, Hughes and Fat Sam Entertainment? They don't give a damn"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A man who looked like Uncle Fester, Was ejected from the Dorchester But at the Park Lane Hotel He fitted in well; They though ""He's that fat bloke from Leicester"". I think I might go on a trip, It's got to be somewhere quite ""Hip""."

[joe blob]

"He was roughly thrown out the Ritz For walking round flashing his bits, The antics of this loon, Made an old duchess swoon But the other punters were in fits. A man who looked like Uncle Fester, Was ejected from the Dorchester"

[Helmut Shown]

"Whilst checking the state of my shares, It looked more like bulls than big bears Its all a big con All my money has gone The stock market caught me unawares He was roughly thrown out the Ritz For walking round flashing his bits"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"As I strolled though the local woods A girl was hawking her goods. I fancied a punt But the price of her cսnt, Told me she was working for ""hoods"". Whilst checking the state of my shares, It looked more like bulls than big bears"

[Helmut Shown]

An unfortunate lad named Nick Had a wart on his Hampton Wick Most girls thought it wrong To have that on your dong But some liked his knobbly pogo stick As I strolled though the local woods A girl was hawking her goods

[Far East Hammer]

There was a young girl called Marie got stung on her arse by a bee Taught her a lesson Though not a nice'un Always look out when taking a pee An unfortunate lad named Nick Had a wart on his Hampton Wick

[Helmut Shown]

A gorilla in London zoo Had started to eat his own poo. He really needs flossing But he's sitting there tossing Flicking jizz on the kangaroo There was a young girl called Marie got stung on her arse by a bee

[Helmut Shown]

A gorilla in London zoo Had started to eat his own poo. He really needs flossing But he's sitting there tossing Flicking jizz on the kangaroo There was a young girl called Marie got stung on her arse by a bee

[joe blob]

"My boss says ""Be gender aware!"" I say ""Will I fuck!"" as I ruffled her hair. She told me to halt Claimed indecent assault And sent me to HR, silly mare. A gorilla in London zoo Had started to eat his own poo."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"In the brothel young Dorothy Wong Said ""No blackies, their willy too long"". Vexed, Pickled or Swiss, THEIR dicks give me bliss So small so their genes must be wrong. My boss says ""Be gender aware!"" I say ""Will I fuck!"" as I ruffled her hair,"

[Saul Bollox]

"At the Theatre of Nightmares tonight Will we be good or plain shite Writing's on the wall We will win fuck all It's another relegation fight. In the brothel young Dorothy Wong Said ""No blackies, their willy too long""."

[Helmut Shown]

"""A score more for oral or anal, Said the young Doris in Arenal."" ""If you want to kiss Or a shower of piss That'll be extra and all"" At the Theatre of Nightmares tonight Will we be good or plain shite"

[joe blob]

"My flight is delayed once again And flying these days is a pain. It's a bloody poor show, When i want to go All inclusive in Benidorm, Spain. A score more for oral or anal, Said the young Doris in Arenal."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"He farted but had a wet poo, Which ran all the way to his shoe So, undoing his laces, Removed all the traces. Then went on his way - as you do. My flight is delayed once again And flying these days is a pain"

[joe blob]

"Some say Professor Moriarty Could throw quite a good dinner party The host was quite gracious, But too ostentatious. Some thought the whole thiing arty farty. He farted but had a wet poo, Which ran all the wat to his shoe"