New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

A soldier fell on his bayonet Covered in blood he started to fret He started to feel A foot of cold steel Up his arse doing it for a bet A slapper from down near Bow Locks Had a penchant for very large cocks

[HairyHammer]

"The weather, it looks like improving So out in the garden I'm moving Oh shit is that rain? Bloody England's a pain So its off to Spain and I'm grooving A soldier fell on his bayonet Covered in blood he started to fret"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A man from the Isles of Scilly Had a tattoo done on his willy It was in blue and grey And rumoured to say ""The scabs on the end came from Billy"" The weather, it looks like improving So out in the garden I'm moving"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was an old boy called Grout Went to work with his knob hanging out But when brewing some tea, Things turned quite nast-ee When he got the thing caught in the spout. A man from the Isles of Scilly Had a tattoo done on his willy"

[Helmut Shown]

"A gay man from Timbuktu Loved telling rude jokes that were blue But the local Imam Wants to cause him some harm ""Cut off his dick and his bollocks too"" There was an old boy called Grout Went to work with his knob hanging out"

[HairyHammer]

A trans-gender person called bob Decided to cut off his Knob He so hated his tool But was such a cheap fool So he shoved it in his Alsatians gob. A gay man from Timbuktu Loved telling rude jokes that were blue

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A woman sat eating Ice cream Shouted out "" Oy men, I have a dream"". There's someone who can Help make this verse scan If, you kind of like, yeah, know what I mean. A trans-gender person called Rob Decided to cut off his knob"

[HairyHammer]

"A woman sat eating Ice cream Shouted out "" Oy men, I have a dream""."

[HairyHammer]

Marcus Vispanius Agrippa Was Caught doing things to a nipper A great Architect Who commanded respect But part time was a Mohel called Snipper.

[les marteaux]

"The vicar, whilst leading the choir Did want the young boys to sing higher, For the sake of his art Did something not too smart, And now he wears prison attire. Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa Was caught doing things to a nipper"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A racist from the Isle of Dogs In public shouts ""Send home the wogs"" A lefty from Gwent Yelled ""Just one moment!"" ""We'll then have to clean our own bogs!"". The vicar, whilst leading the choir Dis want the young boys to sing higher"

[les marteaux]

"Anthony Taylor is at it again He's blind or got no brain, Let' us be upfront, The man is a cսnt, On the PL list should not remain. A racist from the Isle of Dogs In public shouts ""Send home the wogs"""

[Helmut Shown]

I went out to view shooting stars But only saw Venus and Mars My telescope's hopeless I'd rather be 'scope less They can stick it right up their arse Anthony Taylor is at it again He's blind or got no brain

[Mike Oxsaw]

A woman i know called Elsie Has bet a pony on Chelsea. Those bookmaker sods Have give her good odds Let's hope we can piss on her glee I went out to view shooting stars But only saw Venus and Mars

[Saul Bollox]

"Zlatans elbow will carry a price But his head got stamped on, which was nice, Talking of Manure My thoughts are impure The team and their fans are all scheiße. A woman i know called Elsie Has bet a pony on Chelsea."

[cosmo smallpiece]

"To carry my kids and dog Rover I really need a huge Landrover 6 kids and my Doris Plus a Great Dane called Maurice Won't fit in my '85 Nova Zlatans elbow will carry a price But his head got stamped on, which was nice"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"To carry my kids and dog Rover I really need a huge Landrover 6 kids and my Doris Plus a Great Dane called Maurice Won't fit in my '85 Nova Zlatans elbow will carry a price But his head got stamped on, which was nice"

[Saul Bollox]

"An old man, stood by the school gates Proclaimed he was waiting for mates. ""I'm a netball scout!"" To the rozzers did shout Next week he's before the Magistrates. To carry my kids and dog Rover I really need a huge Landrover"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A transvestite young man from Bow, Was unsure of which khazi to go So, he waited till dark, Took a dump in the park, And left it, as art, there on show. An old man, stood by the school gates Proclaimed he was waiting for mates."

[Saul Bollox]

"She was really determined to tease Pulling her drawers down to her knees But the upcoming stench Made the poor chaps guts wrench, Stunk of rotten fish, and rancid cheese. A transvestite young man from Bow, Was unsure of which khazi to go"

[Helmut Shown]

"In the evening the girl guides Arkela, Hung round docks saying ""Hello Sailor"" On her shirt the next day Was a badge that would say ""Whore"" sewn on by a tailor She was really determined to tease Pulling her drawers down to her knees"

[Saul Bollox]

"Whilst out in the Forest of Dean He did something really obscene In an orgasmic fit, Covered himself with shit, Took him ages to get himself clean In the evening the girl guides Arkela, Hung round docks saying ""Hello Sailor"""

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young man from Tring Joined up with a paedophile ring. He once led a gang About which he sang. It still makes the tills go ""Ker-ching!"" Whilst out in the Forest of Dean He did something really obscene"

[Saul Bollox]

"A workman while digging a trench Was overcome by a horrible stench. The poor man was fraught, Overcome with one thought The naked axe wound of Dawn French. There was a young man from Tring Joined up with a paedophile ring."

[Helmut Shown]

She screamed I want some amour But her Husband was a D I Y bore Whilst he put up a shelf She was rubbing herself Some think her a dirty old whore A workman while digging a trench Was overcome by a horrible stench