New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"The violinist girl from the Corr's Went on stage without any drawers 'Twas an unusual sight, Which caused much delight When her bum faced the crowd, on all fours. I went in a place round the corner, A new massage parlour and sauna"

[Helmut Shown]

"On the front line a soldier from Hants, Was so scared, he shit in his pants After a sleep He felt something creep His arsehole all covered in ants The violinist girl from the Corr's Went on stage without any drawers"

[Saul Bollox]

"Do you choose Millwall or the Jews? Which of these cunts need to lose, spurs fans I would say Are ninety per cent gay, And Millwall? scuminess they all ooze. On the front line a soldier from Hants, Was so scared, he shit in his pants"

[Helmut Shown]

"A four be two fan of the spurs, Once worked as a trader in furs. But now he's a fan Of an X-Factor man I believe that his name's Olly Murs Do you choose Millwall or the Jews? Which of these cunts need to lose"

[Saul Bollox]

"A goat - my neighbour claims is a pet Sure needs a quick trip to the vet. It's quite plain to see, That it's an STD. From my neighbours pork bayonet. A four be two fan of the spurs, Once worked as a trader in furs."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A young call centre worker from Bute Had come stains down the front of his suit He doesn't recall, The donor, at all Because he was pissed as a newt. A goat - my neighbour claims is a pet Sure needs a quick trip to the vet."

[Saul Bollox]

"On an episode of Jeremy Kyle She related a story most vile, She was ugly and fat, With foul smells from her prat, You'd think suitors would run a mile. A young call centre worker from Bute Had come stains down the front of his suit"

[Helmut Shown]

A tough soldier in the Black Watch Had festering sores on his crotch. Five minutes in the crapper With a dirty old slapper He should have kept out of her notch On an episode of Jeremy Kyle She related a story most vile

[Helmut Shown]

A tough soldier in the Black Watch Had festering sores on his crotch. Five minutes in the crapper With a dirty old slapper He should have kept out of her notch On an episode of Jeremy Kyle She related a story most vile

[Saul Bollox]

"I'm thirsty, so after a think I'm going to have a soft drink, And then I will pay For a good takeaway, An Indian or maybe a chink. A tough soldier in the Black Watch Had festering sores on his crotch."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A knock from the man from the Pru He asked if he could use the loo Was strict policy To just do a wee And not take the piss with a poo I'm thirsty, so after a think I'm going to have a soft drink"

[Helmut Shown]

A man with a big appetite saw a crisp on the pavement at night It tasted of pepper But it came from a leper And he thought it tasted alright A knock from the man from the Pru He asked if he could use the loo

[HairyHammer]

A young man from New York City Was fondling a prostitutes titty Then he gave it a suck Thought what terrible luck As the milk flowed sour and gritty. A man with a big appetite saw a crisp on the pavement at night

[HairyHammer]

"The boyfriend did turn to his girl And asked her to ""give him a twirl"", She said "" Not on your life"" ""Your not Brucie Forsyth"" ""Its Valentines, I want fucking pearls"". A woman with very big ears Was sadly always in tears"

[Saul Bollox]

"The boyfriend did turn to his girl, And asked her to ""give him a twirl"". She declined with a cough So he told her Fuck Off! Not what you'd expect from an Earl. A young man from New York City Was fondling a prostitute's titty"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A young man from Knotty Ash Once stopped his car for a slash He opened the door And from it did pour Not piss but a big pile of cash. The boyfriend did turn to his girl, And asked her to ""give him a twirl""."

[Saul Bollox]

"This year the refs are so poor Time to show these bent cunts the door. But now as it seems They favour the big teams So I won't hold my breath, that's for sure. A young man from Knotty Ash Once stopped his car for a slash"

[Helmut Shown]

A woman's just walked past my flat Complete with annoying spoilt brat The discipline's sparse She should kick him up the arse The screaming caterwauling little prat This year the refs are so poor Time to show these bent cunts the door

[Mike Oxsaw]

An actor engendered some rage Stark bollock naked on the stage. 'cos he promised to pledge His meat & two veg To that woman just there...dressed in beige A woman's just walked past my flat Complete with annoying spoilt brat

[Saul Bollox]

"My drum's now incredibly camp; I've bought me a mood-changing lamp This fact may vex you all, I've turned metrosexual So my furniture I must revamp. An actor engendered some rage Stark bollock naked on the stage."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Let's hope that Donald Trump's successor Has a better hairdresser Or, it should seem Some stronger Brylcreem Applied by a fit bint called Tessa My drum's now incredibly camp; I've bought me a mood-changing lamp"

[Helmut Shown]

"A poster, a Donald Trump fan Had been out and bought a white van With a teddy on the front Calling everyone a cսnt Nothing new from this horrible man Let's hope that Donald Trump's successor Has a better hairdresser"

[Saul Bollox]

"He said to the court ""I'm a twitcher"" But life as a voyeur much richer, I stay in my hide, With my eyes open wide And I urinate in a pitcher. A poster, a Donald Trump fan Had been out and bought a white van"

[Helmut Shown]

"There once was a jester, from Kent Who got quite behind with his rent He said with some piety ""Bring back variety, Nowadays I can't earn a cent"" He said to the court ""I'm a twitcher"" But life as a voyeur much richer"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A young lady from Afganistan With no veil defiled the Taliban And she caused a big ruck, Being ugly as fuck... In fact, they all thought her a man There once was a jester, from Kent Who got quite behind with his rent"