New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"My passport I need to renew, But I hear that I might have to queue, And my photos are rough I look like a scruff They were taken when I'd had a few. The content of lim'ricks I've seen In general is rather obscene"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Baker, builder, butcher or bum, All tottenham supporters are scum. The ones I hate least, Are those quite deceased. And then that is stretching it some. My passport I need to renew, But I hear that I might have to queue,"

[Saul Bollox]

"oops He sat with a saturnine smile That Levy leaves a taste of bile, He's beyond the pale Should have been sent to jail. Just seeng the shitbag is vile. Baker, builder, butcher or bum, All tottenham supporters are scum."

[Saul Bollox]

"He sat with a saturnine smile That Levy leaves a taste of bile, He's beyond the pale Should have been sent to jail. Just seeng the shitbag's is vile. Baker, builder, butcher or bum, All tottenham supporters are scum."

[Helmut Shown]

Today's result makes me feel ill. We are losing to shit teams still What gets up my nose Is when the retard crows As a striker? Run of the mill He sat with a saturnine smile That Levy leaves a taste of bile

[Saul Bollox]

"A goal up three minutes to go Then we let a retard run the show, These execrable shits, Are really the pits, And seeing that slimey cսnt Levy smiling in the stand makes me feel fucking nauseated, Don't you know. Sorry I can't seem to get the last line to scan. Today's result makes me feel ill. We are losing to shit teams still."

[Helmut Shown]

"In my letter to old Santa Klaus, I asked for some used women's drawers Its sounds like perversion But I need a diversion After losing to the sons of whores A goal up three minutes to go Then we let a retard run the show"

[Saul Bollox]

"Whilst list'ning to songs by the Floyd I started to get quite annoyed An almighty flash and a thunderous crash My house hit by and asteroid. In my letter to old Santa Klaus, I asked fro some used women's drawers"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A young girl from the Isle of Man Got a new job in the Reiperbahn But, bored with the sex Went back to her Ex- A skinhead what drove a white van. Whilst list'ning to songs by the Floyd I started to get quite annoyed"

[Saul Bollox]

"A young girl from Milton Keynes Was embarrassed after eating beans She thought herself naughty Farting triple forte, 'Till squeezing she pissed in her jeans. A young girl from the Isle of Man Got a new job in the Reiperbahn"

[Saul Bollox]

"A young girl from Milton Keynes Was embarrassed after eating beans She thought herself naughty Farting triple forte, 'Till squeezing she pissed in her jeans. A young girl from the Isle of Man Got a new job in the Reiperbahn"

[Helmut Shown]

"A scout master from Pratt's Bottom, All manner of vice he had got'em Through abject skullduggery He solicited buggery When it comes to the brown he'd pot 'em A young girl from Milton Keynes Was embarrassed after eating beans"

[Saul Bollox]

"I took a young girl on a date She asked ""Can I bring me mate?"" I said: ""She can come, If I can bring my Mum. A four in a bed would be great."" A scout master from Pratt's Bottom, All manner of vice he had got'em"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A bloke working on a big tanker Went ashore when he got to Sri Lanka With fuck all to do He went for a poo Smelt like cabbage stew, but much ranker. I took a young girl on a date She asked ""Can I bring me mate?"""

[joe blob]

"These ads on the site are not fair Redirected to god knows where, The models aint bad And are scantily clad, But I'd like to see some pubic hair. A bloke working on a big tanker Went ashore when he got to Sri Lanka"

[Helmut Shown]

On WHO there's an underwear ad. And the models are driving me mad. My eyes are drawn And I have the horn As is it here wanking unclad These ads on the site are not fair Redirected to godknows where

[joe blob]

"Whilst up at the bar I was met, By someone who said ""I'm a vet!"" A grim looking creep, Who looked like he fucked sheep, But when asked said: ""No mate, not yet."" On WHO there's an underwear ad. And the models are driving me mad."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Taking selfies of herself in the nude Showed she'd been crudely tattooed In the style of J. Pollock Who'd drawn a big bollock On somewhere incredibly rude. Whilst up at the bar I was met, By someone who said ""I'm a vet!"""

[Helmut Shown]

A sailor on his return to Blighty Slipped his hand up his old mother's nightie But he grabbed on a nad Of his transvestite dad Oh Jesus Christ Almighty! Taking selfies of herself in the nude Showed she'd been crudely tattooed

[joe blob]

"Kyle Walker looked into the glass He said ""My face looks like my arse"" ""No, I'll tack that back, I prefer the arse crack, After eating a curry Madras. A sailor on his return to Blighty Slipped his hand up his old mother's nightie"

[Helmut Shown]

"They say we can blame this commotion, On far too much heat in the ocean. Those fair skinned Micks Are shitting bricks And plastering calamine lotion Kyle Walker looked into the glass He said ""My face looks like my arse"""

[Mike Oxsaw]

"My new female boss ain't so rank I think this calls for a quick wank. If I ask her real nice She may do me twice Then HR I will have to thank. They say we can blame this commotion, On far too much heat in the ocean."

[Far East Hammer]

On the toilet an old man from Spain Had a heart attack caused by the strain A loud scream was heard A rock solid turd Which wouldn't come out caused him pain My new female boss ain't so rank I think this calls for a quick wank

[joe blob]

"Lingard and Rashford are reds And both have Zika virus heads And Kane is a mong There something quite wrong, Retardation seemingly spreads. On the toilet an old man from Spain Had a heart attack caused by the strain"

[Helmut Shown]

"Down my road there lived an Albanian Claims he was abducted by an alien He was raped in the bum But from where did it come? A poof, I think an Australian Lingard and Rashford are reds And both have Zika virus heads"