New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"The brain of an Average West Ham fan Is no bigger than any other woman or man, But those White Hart Lane flids Who call themselves the yids, Have brains the size of a pecan. A pop singer caused an outrage Taking his penis out on the stage."

[HairyHammer]

"Last night I was feeling quite iffy Then I awoke with a big stiffy It made me quite sick That I attacked it with a stick As the puss pouring out was quite wiffy. The brain of an Average West Ham fan Is no bigger than any other woman or man,"

[Saul Bollox]

"I can't watch my porn in HD So the bits that I like, I can't see, Now I'm in a fix, Should i view dirty pics, Or Eastenders on catch up TV., Last night I was feeling quite iffy. Then I awoke with a big stiffy."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A man from near Dartmouth Hill Park Went out with a fat bird for a lark When she wriggled her hips She caused an eclipse And everything round her went dark I can't watch my porn in HD So the bits that I like, I can't see"

[Saul Bollox]

"At first sight she seemed quite meek Yet in bed a randy freak. Writhing and twisting Anal, oral or fisting She screams out when reaching her peak. A man from near Dartmouth Hill Park Went out with a fat bird for a lark"

[Far East Hammer]

"A young Irish girl Bernadette, Ran naked through town for a bet. She didn't look bad Afterwards she had A good time with a bloke she met At first sight she seemed quite meek Yet in bed a randy freak"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was an of man card Shaun** Made a living appearing in porn His praises were sung As was very well hung. And on set he always had the horn. **Predictive text or alcohol? A young Irish girl Bernadette, Ran naked through town for a bet."

[cosmo smallpiece]

"Oops that was meant for the Payet thread. * Slinks out, red faced*"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"HairyHammer Please don't tell us you write songs too ""There was a woman from Arabia Had a large wart on her labia, Lovers kissed it for fun Though she wanted it gone As the itching drove her to Insania."" ""A short man thought he'd take a chance, And ask a tall lady if she wanted to dance"" I mean really........"

[Helmut Shown]

"I once went out on a blind date, The girl I met was a right state She had over large tits All covered in zits And she could do with losing some weight There was an of man card Shaun Made a living appearing in porn"

[Saul Bollox]

"I once found a hair in my soup. But ate it with one fatal swoop. And in just a tick, I was violently sick I looked like a right nincompoop. I once went out on a blind date, The girl I met was a right state"

[HairyHammer]

I need to go get a now phone For i'm terribly accident prone I once ran for the bus And slipped on some dust And shattered my bloody tail bone I once found a hair in my soup. But ate it with one fatal swoop.

[Mike Oxsaw]

"That fantastic save by Joe Hart, Exceeded the goalkeeper's art, He should surely give thanks To the great Gordon Banks For giving him somewhere to start. I need to go get a now phone For I'm terribly accident prone"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"That fantastic save by Joe Hart, Exceeded the goalkeeper's art, He should surely give thanks To the great Gordon Banks For giving him somewhere to start. I need to go get a now phone For I'm terribly accident prone"

[Saul Bollox]

"The news from the states tends to show That most yanks have never seen snow, But we panic, I fear, fear, When it snows over here We have nothing about which to crow That fantastic save by Joe Hart, Exceeded the goalkeeper's art,"

[Mike Oxsaw]

A boil on the bum he couldn't master Twas on the mirror he stuck the plaster When it burst he did cuss For it covered with pus The front of his big ghetto blaster The news from the states tends to show That most yanks have never seen snow

[Helmut Shown]

"A shepherd was tending his flock, And suddenly had a big shock. With some KY jelly And armed with a welly Taffy came lifting his smock A boil on the bum he couldn't master Twas on the mirror he stuck the plaster"

[Saul Bollox]

"You can tell that I'm getting old This year it's cold after cold Sometimes I doubt If I'll ever go out But my wife says I've got to be bold. A shepherd was tending his flock, And suddenly had a big shock."

[Helmut Shown]

This morning it's turd after turd I've already shat out my third The one I've just left Dripped from my cleft With the consistency of lemon curd You can tell that I'm getting old This year it's cold after cold

[Far East Hammer]

"A lady with a voice like a man, Who also had very big hands Was greatly feared Still had a beard Not to mention manlike glands This morning it's turd after turd I've already shat out my third"

[HairyHammer]

"A group of those hasidic jews, Wanted a discount on their new shoes But sadly for them The shop owner Abraham At best, would give them the blues. A lady with a voice like a man, Who also had very big hands"

[Saul Bollox]

"As he ran down the street in the nude She was taken aback ""How rude"" But this ""prude"" bit of skirt, Her eyes did not avert And his bollocks and cock were well viewed. A group on those hasidic jews, Wanted a discount on their new shoes"

[Helmut Shown]

"An actor was offered a job, But it involved exposing his knob First day on the set He had to heavy pet And stick it in an actress's gob As he ran down the street in the nude She was taken aback ""How rude"""

[Saul Bollox]

"In Arabia a camel will do If you can't find a woman to screw But a scholar of note Said it's best with a goat, He should know, he's had quite a few. An actor was offered a job, But it involved exposing his knob."

[Helmut Shown]

"My balls are on fire he said, As the blood seeped through to his bed That'll teach him to de odour With strong caustic soda Use something more cooling instead In Arabia a camel will do If you can't find a woman to screw"