New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Mike Oxsaw]

"It's said that the poet John Keats, Liked sniffing girls' bicycle seats Damp gusset and leather When mingled together Were perfumery Christmas Day treats A woodsman was chopping a log And sat by his feet was a dog"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young lady called Janet Had the best pair of tits on the planet Appeared as a nude maid In a local parade But the council sadly did ban it. It's said that the poet John Keats, Liked sniffing girls' bicycle seats"

[Helmut Shown]

Whilst studying space and the stars My eye was fair drawn to Mars When you look to the skies Nothing catches your eyes Like some nice big chocolate bars There was a young lady called Janet Had the best pair of tits on the planet

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There once was a lady from Fleet Who had rather malodorous feet. It rose, I suppose From her pus-ridden toes Fermenting in climate-change heat Whilst studying space and the stars My eye was fair drawn to Mars"

[Saul Bollox]

"Our injury list grows and grows Poor refereeing I suppose, All out for an age, On a massive wage And sat around picking their nose. There once was a lady from Fleet Who had rather malodourous feet."

[Helmut Shown]

"Some ISIS ""lord"", sat in his cave Told everyone that he was brave You know the type Believed all the hype He's from Ilford his real name's Dave Our injury list grows and grows Poor refereeing I suppose"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A jihadist weilding a knife, On the underground was causing strife He let the world know He weren't really a ""bro'"" Despite having more than one wife. Some ISIS ""lord"", sat in his cave Told everyone that he was brave"

[Saul Bollox]

"Looking at Donald Trump Will they really elect that chump? I would surmise, It would be no surprise The US is a fucking dump. A jihadist weilding a knife, On the underground was causing strife"

[Helmut Shown]

To buy Chritmas presents I sent 'er To the big Westfield shopping centre While she is away In her wardrobe I'll play As a cross dressing experimenter Looking at Donald Trump Will they really elect that chump?

[Saul Bollox]

"I have heard Simon Bolivar would take his perversions too far In a nappy he'd dress, Her nipples he'd caress , Just one of his big repertoire. To buy Christmas presents I sent 'er To the big Westfield shopping centre."

[Helmut Shown]

"She took off her knickers and said, ""Why don't you now take me to bed?"" but the smell from her crutch proved far too much I had one off the wrist instead I have heard Simon Bolivar would take his perversions too far"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I once fucked a girl in an alley Behind the old Hammersmith Palais Her moans were so loud, We drew a big crowd - Far more than they get at The Valley She took off her knickers and said, ""Why don't you now take me to bed?"""

[cosmo smallpiece]

"A black man I know called Delroy In a gay bar picked up a young boy. As he rodgered his arse Stanley Unwin walked past And said "" Oh beholdy, deep joy"" I once fucked a girl in an alley Behind the old Hammersmith Palais"

[Saul Bollox]

"**To see, it was plain"

[Saul Bollox]

"A man, whilst consuming fish pie Got a paper clip stuck in his eye, To see it was pain He had terrible plain But manfully he did not cry. A black man I know called Delroy In a gay bar picked up a young boy."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Londoners supporting Manure? A kick in the balls is the cure. Then a bone up the arse To remind them that class Comes in Claret & Blue, that's for sure A man, whilst consuming fish pie Got a paper clip stuck in his eye"

[Saul Bollox]

"No protection from the ref yet again Their blindness to foul play is a pain If you're in the top four, They don't want you to draw, Are they in it for monetary gain? Londoners supporting Manure? A kick in the balls is the cure."

[Helmut Shown]

A man with a powerful glance Put his dog into a hypnotic trance With all his strength He slipped it a length usually dogs spurned his advance No protection from the ref yet again Their blindness to foul play is a pain

[HairyHammer]

He tried to write a limerick With a prostitute sucking his dick. It would not stand tall And the limerick hit a wall For His smelly cock made her so sick. A man with a powerful glance Put his dog into a hypnotic trance

[HairyHammer]

He tried to write a limerick With a prostitute sucking his dick. It would not stand tall And the limerick hit a wall For His smelly cock made her so sick. A man with a powerful glance Put his dog into a hypnotic trance

[Saul Bollox]

"I've just watched a firework display And I think that I really must say Today's Roman Candle, Is a fucking scandal Nowhere near as good as in my day. He tried to write his limerick With a prostitute sucking his dick."

[Mike Oxsaw]

Oh why are we so bad at Upton park Even the small teams are having a laugh. As limericks go This is just so and so Should I finish with bark or with bath? I've just watched a firework display And I think that I really must say

[HairyHammer]

"With all our better players out To beat these Manc cunts, I have a doubt We must deliver good passes And take all our chances So the Manc cunts will be out for the count. Oh why are we so bad at Upton park Even the small teams are having a laugh."

[Saul Bollox]

"She threw her car keys on the table And said ""I'll take any man able.."" A chap at the back dared He has come quite prepared. With some hand cuffs, a scouge and some cable. With all our better players out, To beat these Manc cunts, I have doubt"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"In the car park just outside Argos, I saw a man having a toss He was at it again On the four o'clock train Whilst humming a tune by ""The Boss"". She threw her car keys on the table And said ""I'll take any man able..."""