New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"Your bird is locked in the bog, Your busting to drop your own log So you shit on the lawn, Wiping with pages torn. From her Littlewood's catalogue. In the car park just outside Argos, I saw a man having a toss"

[Helmut Shown]

"Oscar to do serious bird, The original verdict's absurd. Don't wear your false limbs In nick, arses are quims Keep your bum near the floor, mums the word Your bird is locked in the bog, Your busting to drop your own log"

[Saul Bollox]

"Whilst walking down Regent Street He had something brown on his feet His trouser leg too Covered in dog poo, It made him look far less effete. Oscar to do serious bird, The original verdict's absurd."

[Helmut Shown]

When I was at the life class I had problems drawing her arse Her cheeks were apart And she dropped a wet fart In truth she was an old brass Whilst walking down Regent Street He had something brown on his feet

[Saul Bollox]

"A priest, with strong lust for young boys Did ply them with sweeties and toys. Opened his cassock And took out his cock And told them ""Don't make any noise."" When I was at the life class I had problems drawing her arse."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A tea at the vicar's last June I may have used the wrong spoon. For coke, I was told, Use silver, not gold. And platinum on the new moon. A priest, with strong lust for young boys Did ply them with sweeties and toys."

[Saul Bollox]

"Sat opposite some nuns on the Tube When out of my pocket fell my lube... A packet of three, A slang dictionary Some fags and an old oxo cube. A tea at the vicar's last June I may have used the wrong spoon."

[Far East Hammer]

An old lady sat on the bus Did try not to worry and fuss Despite a heart attack Whilst seated at the back Not even the once did she cuss Sat opposite some nuns on the Tube When out of my pocket fell my lube

[Mike Oxsaw]

A nasty accident I had Whilst fleeing from my girlfriend's dad. 'twas his turn to give But I could not live With the fact that my arse had been had. An old lady sat on the bus Did try not to worry and fuss

[Far East Hammer]

It caused more than a few little ripples When she took out and massaged her nipples She always was quite bold But now eighty eight years old In a home for the old and cripples A nasty accident I had Whilst fleeing from my girlfriend's dad

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young girl from Beijing Who had never seen a man's thing When a bloke took his out, She let out a loud shout, ""You not putting that up my ring."" It caused more than a few little ripples When she took out and massaged her nipples"

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young girl from Calcutta Lubricated her anus with butter. Tiger Woods came by With a glint in his eye And assaulted her with his putter There was a young girl from Beijing Who had never seen a man's thing

[Saul Bollox]

"They say that ""when push comes to shove"" We'll be looking for help from above. But if there's a God, He's a wicked old sod, Full of hatred and no fucking love. There was a young girl from Calcutta Lubricated her anus with butter."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I've got mauerbauertraurigkeit All my mates now treat me like shite None know what it is So in the pub quiz Was only me called it out right. They say that ""when push comes to shove"" We'll be looking for help from above."

[Far East Hammer]

An irate West Ham fan called White Phone up for a rant on Talk Shite Home to a lesser human race His tirades were not out of place He'd moan but never ever fight I've got mauerbauertraurigkeit All my mates now treat me like shite

[Far East Hammer]

An irate West Ham fan called White Phone up for a rant on Talk Shite Home to a lesser human race His tirades were not out of place He'd moan but never ever fight I've got mauerbauertraurigkeit All my mates now treat me like shite

[Saul Bollox]

"When his wife went to work on Mondays He paraded around in her undies, But now it's been shown, They were not her own, She stole them when at Jason Cundy's An irate West Ham fan called White Phone up for a rant on Talk Shite"

[Helmut Shown]

"Whilst out on my way to the shop I heard a familiar ""plop!"" A godawful hum Emitted from my bum Incontinence caught me on the hop When his wife went to work on Mondays He paraded around in her undies"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was an old bloke Mr. Bird. Did a fucking great Richard the third. And to help it depart The accomp'nying fart Was the loudest the world ever heard. Whilst out on my way to the shop I heard a familiar ""plop!"""

[Saul Bollox]

"He was poor of seeing and in haste He mixed up KY and chili paste Caused a God awful sting On his new boyfriend's ring But licked it off, not wanting waste. There was an old bloke Mr. Bird. Did a fucking great Richard the third."

[Far East Hammer]

An asthmatic gave him a blow job So he rubbed some Vick's on his knob But it caused her to gag Vomiting on a rag Without lip service he did sob He was poor of seeing and in haste He mixed up KY and chili paste

[Helmut Shown]

A lady who sang with the Corrs In a public place took her drawers The impromptu flash Was to have a slash In breach of the obscenity laws An asthmatic gave him a blow job So he rubbed some Vick's on his knob

[Saul Bollox]

"It really cannot be hard For fatties to lay off the lard, Suggest a diet, They don't want to try it. And riposte with the glandular card. A lady who sang with the Corrs In a public place took off her drawers."

[Mike Oxsaw]

It seems on the tube if you're fat You'll get handed a card by some prat In this I agree For they occupy three People's places - I'm not having that! It really cannot be hard For fatties to lay off the lard

[Helmut Shown]

"It does somewhat seem that Grant Shapps Has pissed off some Tory chaps It would have been best If kiddies he'd molest It just would have been ""a lapse"" It seems on the tube if you're fat You'll get handed a card by some prat"