New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Far East Hammer]

"There once was a girl from Bombay, Asked her customers ""How much you pay."" Before they would mount They wanted discount So she didn't make much per lay It does somewhat seem that Grant Shapps Has pissed off some Tory chaps"

[Saul Bollox]

"Some posters on here are not quite sure If everything on here is pure, They post quite a bit Of their white van man shit Most of which I'd say is manure. There once was a girl from Bombay, Asked her customers ""How much you pay."""

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Keys will spunk his Y-fronts If we're below those Mackem cunts If that comes to pass, The simian arse Will also emit a few grunts. Some posters on here are not quite sure If everything on here is pure"

[Helmut Shown]

Just watched the Hammers on Sky. We'll win fuck all before I die We've failed to kick on Our season's soon gone Our sick list brings a tear to your eye Keys will spunk his Y-fronts If we're below those Mackem cunts

[Saul Bollox]

"There once was a vicar in Rye Who told everyone he could fly Shouting to all the people He jumped from the steeple, It was quite a daft way to die. Just watched the Hammers on Sky. We'll win fuck all before I die."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There once was a dirty old slag, Used to shit in a brown paper bag. This odd social spastic Once tried it with plastic But couldn't quite get it to sag. There once was a vicar in Rye Who told everyone he could fly"

[Saul Bollox]

"A young man from Tottenham Hale Whose skin was more swarthy than pale... Went raving insane, And blew out his brain, When the fourbys flogged Gareth Bale There once was a dirty old slag, Used to shit in a brown paper bag."

[Noah]

It was said that Marilyn Monroe Could take any size of dil-do But before judge and jury And a battering by Fury Her cսnt still looked better than Klitchko A young man from Tottenham Hale Whose skin was more swarthy than pale...

[Helmut Shown]

"A man on a holiday cruise, Made a cսnt of himself on the booze In a brief interlude Promenaded in the nude Showing some obscene tattoos It was said that Marilyn Monroe Could take any size of dil-do"

[Saul Bollox]

"Pulis made clear his position Look forward to a battle of attrition Hope we break them down, And shut up this clown, I'll be expecting a demolition. A man on a holiday cruise, Made a cսnt of himself on the booze"

[Helmut Shown]

"In truth legend Robin Hood, At many things was not too good Lost Marion's affection Couldn't get an erection Yes, a woodsman without any wood Pulis made clear his position Look forward to a battle of attrition"

[Helmut Shown]

"In truth legend Robin Hood, At many things was not too good Lost Marion's affection Couldn't get an erection Yes, a woodsman without any wood Pulis made clear his position Look forward to a battle of attrition"

[Saul Bollox]

"That bloke with the crossbow, William Tell In his chalet had a bad smell, Outside toilet, fuck it, He would shit in a bucket In truth, he was not very well. In truth legend Robin Hood, At many things was not too good."

[Helmut Shown]

"The man from del Monte said yes, Which surprised me a lot I confess All of my peaches We're covered in leeches Bit it seemed he couldn't care less That bloke with the crossbow, William Tell In his chalet had a bad smell"

[Saul Bollox]

"A couple of ne'er-do-well scousers Had their bums hanging out of their trousers ;They both liked to slack, Until they got the sack From their jobs at Callard and Bowsers. The man from del Monte said yes, Which surprised me a lot I confess."

[Helmut Shown]

"A suicide bomber Abdul, Made himself look a tight fool To avoid detection It was strapped to his erection It went flaccid and fell off his tool A couple of ne'er-do-well scousers Had their bums hanging out of their trousers *fucking autocorrect"

[Helmut Shown]

"A suicide bomber Abdul, Made himself look a tight fool To avoid detection It was strapped to his erection It went flaccid and fell off his tool A couple of ne'er-do-well scouters Had their bums hanging out of their trousers"

[Saul Bollox]

"I'm getting quite tired of my sex life Five cuties bedded next to my wife! Life's getting sillier I prefer necrophilia, Their talking is causing me strife. A suicide bomber Abdul, Made himself look a right fool"

[Far East Hammer]

"When we're playing against West Brom, Will it be with panache and aplomb. Even Andy Carroll Finally on a roll Or will it be dour as we bomb? I'm getting quite tired of my sex life Five cuties bedded next to my wife!"

[joe blob]

"A game to savour Saturday? With Pulis's unique style of play. The football aint nice From him and Allardyce In his cap he looks so fucking gay. When we're playing against West Brom, Will it be with panache and aplomb."

[Helmut Shown]

"There once was a bloke from Bulgaria, You'd never see testicles hairier. He gained some repute With his bollocks hirsute And was lauded in the local area A game to savour Saturday? With Pulis's unique style of play"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young girl for a bet Posted herself on the internet, In bed with a milf Doing all kind of filth, But I don't think her dad's seen it yet. There once was a bloke from Bulgaria, You'd never see testicles hairier."

[Helmut Shown]

A young lady from Suriname Sure knew how to make her bloke calm The sight of her quim Did nothing for him In fact made him want to self harm There was a young girl for a bet Posted herself on the internet

[Far East Hammer]

"An old lady from Cayenne, Often dropped 'em for much younger men Far from titillating The sight was revolting She was no spring chicken A young lady from Suriname Sure knew how to make her bloke calm"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young man from Caracas Had a large boil on his knackers Self treatment, it hurt, When he caused a pus spurt Pinching it it off with his maraccas. An old lady from Cayenne, Often dropped 'em for much younger men"