New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Far East Hammer]

"Australians, and I'm not understating On the whole seem to be nauseating There's never a dearth Of ""we're best on Earth"" All in all quite frustrating This week it's off to Romania Is there still Europa-mania?"

[Saul Bollox]

"If I may, here's a little advice On something you'll never do twice When the end seem quite close Take a huge over dose When washed down with malt whisky, it's nice. Australians, and I'm not understating On the whole seem to be nauseating ."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I could not get to the lavatory, So had to go behind a tree But a sudden stiff breeze Blew off all the leaves And the world got an eye-full, for free If I may, here's a little advice On something you'll never do twice"

[Saul Bollox]

"While lorries queue in the road You've done nothing, Cameron, you toad The bloke driving the lorry For him I feel sorry Using the M20 as his abode. I could not get to the lavatory, So had to go behind a tree"

[Helmut Shown]

"A two goal lead we forfeit New season, but the same old shit will I see some success Before my final egress In a box, as my body they commit While lorries queue in the road You've done nothing, Cameron, you toad"

[Saul Bollox]

"This season a record's not hard For having many a red card, I have a suspicion, That in this competition, Further progress will be barred. A two goal lead we forfeit New season, but the same old shit"

[Far East Hammer]

"A bearded bloke I know has A Masters degree in Jazz He thinks he's so cool We call him a tool His tunes, indulgent razzmatazz This season a record's not hard For having many a red card"

[Saul Bollox]

In a yank university You can get a degree for frisbee But in UK the thick Get one in pop music In the prospectus for all to see. A bearded bloke I know has A Masters degree in Jazz

[Helmut Shown]

It's said that the Lord and his Squire Did bet on which one could piss higher A keenly fought tie Till a splash in the eye Caused a pissed off lordship to retire In a yank university You can get a degree for frisbee

[Mike Oxsaw]

There once was a stunning young dish On the surface was every man's wish She'd string them along Then sing them a song Of how much her cսnt smelt of fish. It's said that the Lord and his Squire Did bet on which one could piss higher

[Mike Oxsaw]

There once was a stunning young dish On the surface was every man's wish She'd string them along Then sing them a song Of how much her cսnt smelt of fish. It's said that the Lord and his Squire Did bet on which one could piss higher

[Saul Bollox]

*he'd

[Saul Bollox]

"There once was a man from Ryde Who liked a bit on the side, So on payday each week Working women he'd seek Whom he pay £30 for a ride, There once was a stunning young dish On the surface was every man's wish"

[,]

"There was a young man from Jaipur Made a fortune by selling manure Because of his past He hid his real caste And posed as a Brahmin, pure. There once was a man from Ryde Who liked a bit on the side"

[Saul Bollox]

A migrant at Calais once tried To hide in a truck for a ride When he gets to UK The government pay All of his needs we'll provide There was a young man from Jaipur Made a fortune selling manure.

[Saul Bollox]

A migrant at Calais once tried To hide in a truck for a ride When he gets to UK The government pay For housing

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A gardener from quite near Stroud, Grew a marrow of which he was proud Because of it's size It won the first prize And a round of applause from the crowd. A migrant at Calais once tried To hide in a truck for a ride"

[Saul Bollox]

"A cantankerous old fellow called Tim Like to scrub up his penis with Vim It was red, it was raw, It was really quite sore, But he said it was done on a whim. A gardener from quite near Stroud, Grew a marrow of which he was proud"

[Monk~koknee]

"Stood next to a woman, quite fine, I rolled out my best chat-up line I showed her my willy She said ""don't be silly"" It's really much smaller than mine A cantankerous old fellow called Tim Like to scrub up his penis with Vim"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"The presenter Lorraine Kelly Was doing a show on the telly. The show was no hit In fact, it was shit Described by the press as ""Quite smelly"". Stood next to a woman, quite fine, I rolled out my best chat-up line"

[Saul Bollox]

"Jasmine from Place in the Sun Sat eating a big hot cross bun, She also had dips A big plate of chips And a pot of hot tea when she'd done. The presenter Lorraine Kelly Was doing a show on the telly."

[Helmut Shown]

"An actress from that Holby City, On a bus ride she took out a titty. The conductor thought maybe She had misplaced her baby And thought himself really quite witty Jasmine from Place in the Sun Sat eating a big hot cross bun"

[Saul Bollox]

"A criminal at the Old Bailey Stood in the dock smiling gaily, He wasn't too coy Cos he was a rent boy And the Judge used to visit him daily. An actress from that Holby City, On a bus ride she took out a titty."

[cosmo smallpiece]

"Tarzan swung through the jungle on a vine But fell and injured his spine As he lay there in pain He yelled"" Cheetah, fetch Jane!"" And Cheetah said ""Fuck you, she's mine!"" A criminal at the Old Bailey Stood in the dock smiling gaily"

[Helmut Shown]

"When he walks he looks like a berk Caused by injuries got at Dunkirk He met a girl called Sherry On the cross channel ferry He touched her up, she went berserk Tarzan swung through the jungle on a vine But fell and injured his spine"