New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

"A nudist from Wapping High Wall, Strolled down the street wearing fuck all. As he walked through a hedge Scraped meat and two veg And ripped it from helmet to ball That Tottenham bloke Harry Kane Is there something wrong with his brain?"

[Saul Bollox]

"A lady of breeding and style Was a guest star on Jeremy Kyle Her husband Lord Peter Would quite often beat her, But he claimed he had not for a while. A nudist from Wapping High Wall, Strolled down the street wearing fuck all."

[Monk~koknee]

"I went once for tea at the Vicars, but beforehand i'd eaten a Snickers, I swear the almighty Then pulled up my nightie For a marathon thrust in my knickers A lady of breeding and style Was a guest star on Jeremy Kyle"

[Saul Bollox]

"A very suave Frenchman Pierre Was gifted with great savoir faire The ladies he'd charm, And take them on his arm To a hotel in Banyuls sur mer. I went once for tea at the Vicars, but beforehand i'd eaten a Snickers,"

[Monk~koknee]

There once was a German called Fritz Whose manner was really the pits. Teutonic and proud His voice very loud He eventually got on your tits A very suave Frenchman Pierre Was gifted with great savoir faire

[Saul Bollox]

A man and a dog and a horse Had wandered completely off course This tale wil amaze They were gone four days And turned up outside the Paris Bourse. There once was a German called Fritz Whose manner was really the pits.

[Saul Bollox]

A man and a dog and a horse Had wandered completely off course This tale wil amaze They were gone four days And turned up outside the Paris Bourse. There once was a German called Fritz Whose manner was really the pits.

[Monk~koknee]

A Scuber diver from Crete Had extraordinary very large feet He once took the plunge To dive for a sponge And the splash caused the tide to retreat A man and a dog and a horse Had wandered completely off course

[wanstead_hammer]

The vagina of a girl from Seoul Like a badly packed bacon roll Could fire a gross of small balls To China's Great Wall With no need in paying the toll. A Scuber diver from Crete Had extraordinary very large feet

[Helmut Shown]

"A glass-eyed bus driver from Penge One early shift, fancied revenge Without making fuss He drove off his bus And dumped it quite near Stonehenge The vagina of a girl from Seoul Like a badly packed bacon roll"

[wanstead_hammer]

"At banquets and balls, and at hunts They'll tell you all spurs fans are cunts While chasing the fox They'd all check their cocks And leave a few tips after lunch. A glass-eyed bus driver from Penge One early shift, fancied revenge"

[Saul Bollox]

"There once was a dear parson from Reading in whose eyes the tears would be welling She stood in the church But was left in the lurch, Her groom never came to the wedding*. At banquets and balls, and at hunts They'll tell you all spurs fans are cunts."

[Hammer and Pickle]

"There was a old man called Roy Got a mail order bride Ladyboy Instead of the Ladybird book He'd ordered, and look how he's enjoying his new toy. There once was a dear parson from Reading in whose eyes the tears would be welling"

[Saul Bollox]

"Whilst walking along by the coast, My cock got as hard as a post I don't know why Jaywick Does this to my prick, It's something about which I don't boast. There was a old man called Roy Got a mail order bride Ladyboy"

[Joke Whole]

"A girl from Islamabad Would not wear her veil for her dad The last time she did She got boned by a yid Which irked her relations a tad. Whilst walking along by the coast, My cock got as hard as a post"

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young girl from Chennai Who took all her blokes in a sty Although she was fit The bad smell of shit Made most of her tricks pass her by A girl from Islamabad Would not wear her veil for her dad

[Saul Bollox]

"Oops An Indian girl from Nagpur Had a fanny all covered in fur So she went out to get, A pack of Gilette, Now her fanny's bald which pleases her. There was a young girl from Chennai Who took all her blokes in a sty"

[Saul Bollox]

"An Indian girl from Nagpur Had a fanny all covered in fur So she went out to get, A pack of Gilette, Now her fanny's bald pleases her."

[Helmut Shown]

"An old Jewish widow had news She was off on a round the world cruise Between you and me She got it for free That's how they like it, the Jews An Indian girl from Nagpur Had a fanny all covered in fur"

[wanstead_hammer]

An artistic model called Rita Lay supine across a three seater Her boyfriend from Barking Was no good at Parking And she ended up straddling a meter. An old Jewish widow had news She was off on a round-the-world cruise

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young mans from Barking With his girl friend was always skylarking With a well lubed thumb He entered her bum Then out of the door was embarking An artistic model called Rita Lay supine across a three seater

[Helmut Shown]

"A physiotherapist Gwen Liked working her magic on men But her heart sank When asked for a wank ""Not done that since way back when"" An artistic model called Rita Lay supine across a three seater"

[Saul Bollox]

A physiotherapist Gwen Liked working her magic on men With them she will tussle To cure aching muscle And a full strip relief now and then. There was a young mans from Barking With his girl friend was always skylarking.

[Monk~koknee]

A one-armed shelf stacker from Neath Opened the boxes he had with his teeth With dexterous skill Caught his hand in the till As a result his employment was brief A physiotherapist Gwen Liked working her magic on men

[wanstead_hammer]

"At the helm of the starship Enterprise, Jean Luc could not believe his eyes On a far away Planet Ukip won Thanet By 10 votes, Nige's pint and and some lies. A one-armed shelf stacker from Neath Opened the boxes he had with his teeth"