West Ham Online

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

"Happy winter festival to all you non-believers. My girlfriend, she gift-wrapped her snatch But warned me there was a small catch, There's to be hesitation Before penetration IWe'd to listen to some Tony Hatch. I got up while it was still murkey, To put on a big Christmas turkey"

"There was a young man from Seville Got a small acting role on The Bill The crux of his part Was to make a loud fart And say ""Make out of that what you will!"" My girlfriend, she gift-wrapped her snatch But warned me there was a small catch"

"There is a poster from Ongar finding love for our club getting stronger, After going to the gym, Went for a nude swim. When he was arse raped by a congar. There was a young man from Seville Got a small acting role on The Bill"

Will we continue our rise up the table Or will hoofball destroy our small fable will we be at our best and smash up the rest to defeat us will they be unable? There is a poster from Ongar finding love for our club getting stronger

The day many hope for draws near With presents and cooking and beer The resultant fermentation Will cause quick defecation With a fanfare played out of your rear Will we continue our rise up the table Or will hoofball destroy our small fable

There once was a busty pornstar Who was filmed in the back of a car. But her movement was tricky For she'd made the seat sticky From that trick that involves a jam jar The day many hope for draws near With presents and cooking and beer

"My fridge is now empty of beer And shops are long closed around here So says I, feeling mellow I'll try the bordello, But the choice was a dwarf or a queer. There once was a busty pornstar Who was filmed in the back of a car."

"My fridge is now empty of beer And shops are long closed around here So says I, feeling mellow I'll try the bordello, But the choice was a dwarf or a queer. There once was a busty pornstar Who was filmed in the back of a car."

"Celebrity chef Gordon Blue Made a really unusual stew It couldn't be eaten So, not to be beaten, He sold is as quick-setting glue My fridge is now empty of beer And shops are long closed around here"

"Celebrity chef Gordon Blue Made a really unusual stew It couldn't be eaten So, not to be beaten, He sold is as quick-setting glue My fridge is now empty of beer And shops are long closed around here"

"So Christmas is just two days away With a mountain of sweets teeth will decay And with sprouts, christmas pud'. The farts should be good With the Judy Dench ling'ring all day. Celebrity chef Gordon Blue Made a really unusual stew"

To add to my Christmas woes All that's left is the parson's nose Whether it be duck or a chicken Its still finger lickin' Unlike fish with their roes So Christmas is just two days away With a mountain of sweets teeth will decay

A girl I once knew in my youth Did stuff that was really uncouth But when she was pissed She had a slight lisp And would say 'Who's up for a gooth' To add to my Christmas woes All that's left is the parson's nose

A party of girls in a Hummer went out on the lash one summer They met a boy band Played games in the sand Then each had a go on the drummer. A girl I once knew in my youth Did stuff that was really uncouth

Only once have I seen this girl Cheryl and she was in a state of peril she was married to a gay that's the real Chelsea way at weekends not Ashley but Beryl A party of girls in a Hummer went out on the lash one summer

"There once was a gal, by golly, what had a very large shopping trolley, A Gent filled her up With a tip and a tup and received syphilis for his folly Only once have I seen this girl Cheryl and she was in a state of peril....."

"A Father Christmas called Otto, Sat a girl on his knee in his grotto So she said ""You're a right cսnt!"" And ""You're going to rot for this stunt"". while she went and filled up her trolley. There once was a gal, by golly, what had a very large shopping trolley,"

"To the seven dwarves Snow White said ""Who wants to take me to bed"" I don't want a fuss Tonight's cunnilingus And the lucky one I will give head. A Father Christmas called Otto, Sat a girl on his knee in his grotto"

"Christmas? I don't like it one bit. This time of the year is just shit. Stay at home, have a tug And shout ""Bah Humbug"" Not seasonal I'll admit To the seven dwarves Snow White said ""Who wants to take me to bed"""

"On Christmas day, under the tree There's one thing I sure want to see Among all the toys, for the girls and the boys A penis enlarger for me. Christmas? I don't like it one bit. This time of the year is just shit."

"A lyricist by name of Saul sat thinking up rhymes on his stool ""I'll knock back some Scotch! (Not blended - top notch!!!) Then wait for the wordsmith to call On Christmas day, under the tree There's one thing I sure want to see"

"Shit I know, but nothing else rhymes, My Lim'rick's have hit the bad times now my willpower relents and I still give offence the least of this Fan's Board crimes A lyricist by name of Saul sat thinking up rhymes on his stool"

"Half the season and thirty one points we're mellow without rolling joints Another 12 and we're clear From the big drop this year, My negativity disappoints. Shit I know, but nothing else rhymes, My Lim'rick's have hit the bad times"

Christmas is a time for relations And hanging up bright decorations a season of cheer so let's have a beer unlike all the tea total asians Half the season and thirty one points we're mellow without rolling joints

Under the mistletoe I sought some camel toe The best I could do Was a fish-finger stew Which smelt quite like someone I know Christmas is a time for relations And hanging up bright decorations