"There was a young geezer from Bagham, Whatever girls looked like he'd shag'em No need for consent For in that event He'd take of his pants and then gag 'em A wandering minstrel called Mike Sashayed into town with his bike"

It is said that Miguel de Cervantes Was caught wearing his wife's frilly panties He didn't take it as far As wearing her bra On account of her massive implant-ies Those indomitable soldiers in skirts Stuck their blades in where it really hurts

"A black lady named Betty goes to the butchers and asks for some beef. The butcher replies ""No, Black Betty, ham or lamb?"""

Sydney ©1970 Bernard Manning

There was a young man from Nepal Lay in bed all day doing fuck all. On a mattress of nails With what that entails Was no wonder he'd become an oddball A spy who'd come in from the cold Was uncertain how things would unfold

I was down the gym this morning when I noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger in. Anyway now she's made a formal complaint and I've been banned for life.

Too slow Blobby

"A model was waxing her legs To make them as smooth as fresh eggs But was using some shears And the wax from her ears That smart, is the question it begs A mystery shopper called Claire Came in for some new underwear"

"Something effected my brain, When I took out my knob an a train Said the ticket inspector ""If it gets more erector It'll cost you a surcharge again"" A dashing young cove name of Hugh Took his girl for a punt by canoe"

"The navy's a great life for some. Especially them that likes bum. Though sex can be bought In every port There's no beating an old seaman chum He turned to the pirate and sneered ""That's a totally inadequate beard"""

Morgan Amalfitano Was given no choice but to go They called him Morgan The supersized organ Cos he was very well hung down below Ted was walking down Green Street one night And witnessed a wonderous sight

"A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. N.Z. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, ""...

"Livingstone set off for the Nile Told his kin he'd be gone a while But it ended in gloom We are left to presume As his quest simply led to denial The captain said 'Here's what I thinks"" We'll sell all these drugs to the Chinks"

There once was a pervert called Mark Who prowled round the Olympic Park. He'd been very chipper Since they'd made him the skipper But he could only go out after dark A flexible fellow called Jock Was able to suck his own cock

"Whilst I was being orally pleased Unfortunately my girlfriend sneezed I felt quite a nip As she bit off the tip But no matter, it was badly diseased It was the night I was up for election I experience an enormous erection"

While trying out a Jet Ski one day My missus got carried away Staryed out of the zone Got zapped by a drone I was left with the deposit to pay Two pensioners Alfie and Frank Thought they'd rob the local Lloyds Bank

Parallel lines have so much in common. It's such a shame they'll never meet.

"Your mother is so classless""¶ she could be a Marxist utopia."

Saul Bollox 12:04 Fri Aug 21 Nice one A man had some rot and some greenness Around his balls and his penis Said a nurse with a brush This is some form of thrush But I'm a little less sure of it's genus A rapscallion lad with a stick Tricked a lass into sucking his dick

"A boy to his girl Carolina Said ""Can I smell your vagina?"" ""You can give it a lick"" ""But hold on to your dick"" ""There's no chance of a quick sixty-niner"" A circumspect cleric from Crewe Asked the Lord to supply him a screw"

"At last an ally Mr P A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware that he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the m...

There once was a man from West Malling Whose behaviour was quite apalling When in the mood Would be totally nude Riding his bike while kerb crawling Now Jolly Jack Tar lived in Poole And would play on the dock with his tool

"Whilst licking out Katie Price He found carrots, peas, and brown rice two carrots, a steak a pontefract cake and a thin crusty pizza pie slice The king called his court and declared All virgins to be equally shared"

"10thofMay 3:25 Fri Aug 14 Fair point. I saw it in a list of anti-jokes. For some reason it amused me but possibly only in that context. ______________ Pavlov is sitting in a bar enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting ""Shit, I forgot to feed the dog"""

"An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey."