"Alan, who,Ali me too, plz"

"Dafuq? Whomail me too, please, Alan..."

"Dafuq? Whomail me too, please, Alan..."

"There was a young girl from Crete, Did incredible things with her feet. She could edge you all day In just such a way That your orgasm would last a week. Dave the plasterer from Borough Green Had a bell-end like you’ve never seen."

With a cock as dead as can be A thumb up his arse was the key. When wiggled just right He became quite the sight As it seemed he’d not two legs but three. A dainty young lady from adoring Was fond of a jolly good porking.

FFS With a cock as dead as can be A thumb up his arse was the key. When wiggled just right He became quite the sight As it seemed he’d not two legs but three. A dainty young lady from Dorking Was fond of a jolly good porking.

Mine was better ;-)

"In a village on the shores of Loch Fyne He'd steal knickers hung on the line. His love of the tanga Caused considerable anger Especially when he swiped mine! A big, burly chap from the States Knew a trick that involved firing dates"

"Wrote, ffs. Fucking iPad."

"For the record, I fucking hate The West Ham themed limericks... So, out of the pram sail the toys, And up go the calls, ""Bring back Moyes!"" Pelligrini‚Äôs a cսnt But Moyes too, was a cսnt So let‚Äôs just all get behind the boys. An eager young lassie called Glen Write a saucy blog about her men."

"I slept in - I'm late for my work. The boss always moans; he's a jerk. Narcolepsy is fine When it’s on your own time But the twat won’t allow me that perk. Leroy was a rude boy from Chatham Who was not, in the least, ‘up and at ‘em’."

"A young fellow from Pontypool, In the High Street took out his tool. Though his pride was misplaced And he showed lack of taste The tattoo he revealed was quite cool. A sexy young minx from Torbay Toyed with the thought of turning gay."

"I'm brewing some beer in my shed. Instead of dark brown, it's bright red. But I care not a jot ‘Cos I’ve just drunk the lot And in about half an hour I’ll be dead. One night, as I roamed in the park A nun ran to me from the dark."

"There was a young rent boy called Jules, Made a living by sucking men's tools. Instead of BBC He received ITV And everyone felt like right fools. Three ladies, a dog and a Gypo We’re riding along on a hippo."

"Our board are as tight as they come We all think that's really quite dumb But the posters on WHO all have brains made of poo, but it's still better round here than KUMB. As I walked down the Las Vegas Strip I considered myself really quite hip..."

"Regarding power, the stick needs 5A, TV USB ports provide either 1A or maximum 3A. Use the supplied power adapter, FFS."

Jam rock Ammer 5:54 Wed Feb 17 I use the Paradox build on my FireTV box and several FireTV sticks. Very good indeed. http://youtu.be/dHGmsNKa-BA

Gorgeous stream on Robocop too.

"I think all the Phoenix stuff is now in the add-on called Woody in the Phoenix folder. Haven't tried it for the football yet, though. The UK Live TV section seems to have disappeared, but the fist option does link to most of the channels. Ex-pats looking for their BBC One fix can also check out the...

I once saw a girl on the beach bent over and trying to teach some guy the kiss of life but nearby stood his wife and she stuck to the pair like a leach. I was utterly over the moon to see Moscow ladies in June.

"A young lady from Solihull Whose sexlife was mightily dull took herself to a shrink, who, with a nudge and a wink told her to relocate to Hull. Two gypsies were talking one night about whom they'd most like to fight."

"I once had a fling with a lady Who looked a bit like Liam Brady. Though her broad Irish brogue was clearly in vogue I preferred her to rap like Slim Shady. For a long time, I'd sit and I'd ponder the best way to nobble Jane Fonda."

Saul Bollox 2:55 Tue Dec 16 Re: New Limerick Thread Bravo.

A dirty old slapper from Welwyn Her cսnt she was regularly sellin'. But the Amazon bug made her look like a mug so she switched to rude phone stories tellin'. I was watching with undisguised glee as a dog tried to hump a large tree.

Mine was better. A fat bird from near Whitley Bay Had too many burgers one day. But she'd mastered the art of the emergency fart so she trumped all the pressure away. There once was an elegant fellow whose chest hair was orange and yellow.