New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young man from Cairo, who requested to borrow my biro whilst sat on a jet To rewind his cassette Of an album by Biffy Cliro That Dermot O'Leary bloke Is a simpering cսnt and a joke"

[Saul Bollox]

"I really did eat quite a lot Of curry that was really hot Now I' m sat in the loo, Passing hot unformed poo, My anus is just about shot. There was a young man from Cairo, who requested to borrow my biro"

[Joke Whole]

A young chap in the employ of Kier Was partial to lime in his beer He tried other fruit But the flavours don't suit In fact they just make it taste queer I really did eat quite a lot Of curry that was really hot

[easthambull]

"Today, and we don't have a game The weekend's begun really lame I have to agree Bored shitless, that's me A Friday night in too,how tame A young chap in the employ of Kier Was partial to lime in his beer"

[Joke Whole]

"Nigel Farage is doing his bits About mothers flashing off their tits But what causes him grief Is his deep held belief They should also be flashing their clits. Today, and we don't have a game The weekend's begun really lame"

[Helmut Shown]

Politicians are ridden with sleaze their opinions change in the breeze From Elgin to Dover They'll all fuck us over As long as they get their fat fees Nigel Farage is doing his bits About mothers flashing off their tits

[Helmut Shown]

Politicians are ridden with sleaze their opinions change in the breeze From Elgin to Dover They'll all fuck us over As long as they get their fat fees Nigel Farage is doing his bits About mothers flashing off their tits

[easthambull]

"Whilst mincing around Haringey, A rent boy was once heard to say ""Back to the 'Dilly to suck Tory willy Or with luck, that of Abdoulaye Faye"" Politicians are ridden with sleaze their opinions change in the breeze"

[Joke Whole]

"A prostitute came from the sticks, And offered unusual tricks. From under her arm Came the smell of a farm And with it came many small ticks. Whilst mincing around Haringey, A rent boy was once heard to say"

[Saul Bollox]

"doomhunk: They were both very good but yours was second. There once was an elegant fellow Whose chest hair was orange and yellow. It was green on his head His pubes were bright red And he worked in a Texan bordello. A prostitute came from the sticks, And offered unusual tricks."

[doomhunk]

Mine was better. A fat bird from near Whitley Bay Had too many burgers one day. But she'd mastered the art of the emergency fart so she trumped all the pressure away. There once was an elegant fellow whose chest hair was orange and yellow.

[doomhunk]

There was a young girl from Dundee Who could piss out piping hot tea. I thought I would risk it and I asked for a biscuit and was shocked when she shat out Rich Tea. There once was an elegant fellow whose chest hair was orange and yellow.

[easthambull]

There was a young girl from Dundee Who could piss out piping hot tea Was it Earl Grey? It's quite hard to say When it's scalding both balls. cock and knee A fat bird from near Whitley Bay Had too many burgers one day

[Lily Hammer]

Whilst walking down old Cable Street I offered this lady a treat She said she would wank me In order to thank me And proceded to beat my meat. There was a young girl from Dundee Who could piss out piping hot tea

[easthambull]

A lady from near Croxley Green Found sitting on her washing machine Getting off on the spin and making a din Sounds like a cock had ruptured her spleen Whilst walking down old Cable Street I offered this lady a treat

[Helmut Shown]

Just now whilst using the loo I peed all over my shoe Germans will sit Not only to shit But it tends to lengthen the queue A lady from near Croxley Green Found sitting on her washing machine

[Helmut Shown]

To the bog I went for a Brad Pitt After pushing and straining a bit Through the dense fog I produced a large log And my arse had a very big split A lady from near Croxley Green Found sitting on her washing machine

[Far East Hammer]

Funnily enough there's a shockingly bad looking slapper sat next to me at the bar at the moment. Fortunately she doesn't seem to speak English and I speak as good as sod all Russky or Kazakh! Also on today's flight I tried to watch Troy but couldn't stand Brad Pitts fucking grins so gave up! To the bog I went for a Brad Pitt After pushing and straining a bit I switched to a wank Although my cum stank And gummed up my right mitt Just now whilst using the loo I peed all over my shoe

[Saul Bollox]

"Some say 'cause it's Friday let's party But I'm freezing my nuts off in Almaty. A bird in the street, Offered me a good treat I declined because she was too tarty. To the bog I went for a Brad Pitt After pushing and straining a bit"

[Far East Hammer]

To add to the day's long hard toil I've awoken with a hell of a boil Don't give me no lip It's causing me gip And now against life I recoil Some say 'cause it's Friday let's party But I'm freezing my nuts off in Almaty.

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

It is said of Liz One Regina There's never been a monarch finer She's gracious and kind But I think that you'll find Her husband's a woman's vagina To add to the day's long hard toil I've awoken with a hell of a boil

[easthambull]

"I wish all the evils of doom On the Manchester Asians that groom Inadequate scum perverted and dumb Bury the cunts alive, in a tomb It is said of Liz One Regina There's never been a monarch finer"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

I just don't approve of this thuggery Against all these blokes that do buggery But if you're a nonce A paedo or ponce Then you're ripe for a bit of skullduggery I wish all the evils of doom On the Manchester Asians that groom

[Saul Bollox]

"An old brass once got a great shock When she met with a shepherd and flock She asked if he would, Like to give her some wood He said he'd come back 4 o' clock. I just don't approve of this thuggery Against all these blokes that do buggery"

[easthambull]

"There was a young man from Tashkent Whose cock was exceedingly bent From battering rims And other such things Of which he gave up once, for Lent An old brass once got a great shock When she met with a shepherd and flock"